Cheezelessness
The Week in Review -- November 27, 1998
by Rick Aristotle Munarriz (tmfedible@aol.com)

Blessed are the Cheezemakers. So revered are the parents of our very own Jerry "Cheeze" Thomas that he has agreed to be taken as their hostage for this most grateful of weekends. He's hitting the tourist haunts of West Hollywood. I'm here peddling maps to the stars of Follywood. Take one. What? A guided tour? Sure, hop on. Let me pack my cornbread stuffing smoothie and turkey cheesecake leftovers and gets things rolling. Want some? No? Okay, so as the Thomas clan holds the Cheeze, let me go heavy on the catch-up.

That's right, let's marvel at the architectural wonder that this abridged trading week became. We all woke up on Monday pondering unconfirmed wedding bells for America Online (NYSE: AOL) and Netscape (Nasdaq: NSCP). They eventually admitted the engagement and the bridal gift registry is rumored to be held at FoolMart.

As we pull over curbside so you can snap a picture of the couple-to-be, I've just been handed this list of the Top 10 Reasons why America Online is getting hitched with Netscape.

10. Invitations offer great opportunity for pop-up ads.

9. Busy signals matter less when you're making this kind of long-term commitment.

8. Clever promo copy -- 100 Hours of Netcenter free! Oh, wait, it's always free.

7. Matrimony Version 4.0, now with the ability to swap freely.

6. What's a couple of billions between online friends?

5. It's not every day you get to see Bill Gates say, "Doh!" rather than make some.

4. Overheard at Steve Case's office: "I said Try Breath Spray, not Buy Netscape!"

3. Intricate value screen at AOL HQ sought out the one Internet company whose shares have actually fallen over the past three years -- and found it.

2. AOL wanted to sign up Netscape and receive $20 bucks!!!

1. It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Wide World Web!

Crickets chirping? That is not the effect I was aiming for. Sorry about that, let's move on. We cross Sunset Boulevard and it's suddenly Tuesday. The Fool Portfolio, fresh from popping into triple-digit year-to-date returns a few days earlier, had a great recap. Jeff Fischer (TMF Jeff) analyzed the FoolPort's two largest holdings, America Online and Amazon.com (Nasdaq: AMZN), which are the catalysts for the strong performance this year. As Jerry's parents place their hands in cement handprints of celluloid legends at the Chinese Theater, I too find my personal portfolio humbled when compared to the historical returns of FoolPort.

Well, before I break into a regrettable dream sequence let's keep moving along here. This week the sweet scent of serendipity filled the Fool. On Tuesday Ask The Headhunter addressed jobs in computer animation. A day later, Dueling Fools addressed Jobs -- Steven Jobs -- in computer animation with a Duel on Pixar (Nasdaq: PIXR). It was a timely bout since Pixar's A Bug's Life opened in theaters everywhere that very day. The movie had already premiered at the legendary El Capitan moviehouse on Hollywood Boulevard, across the street from where the Cheezemakers were admiring dented slabs of concrete. Serendipity perchance? AOL wants Netscape, and Yi-Hsin Chang (TMF Puck) has a thought-provoking interview with Internet content consolidator Go2Net (Nasdaq: GNET).

Serendipity! Things go full circle, and so does this bus as I negotiate an illegal U-turn.

Oh, before I make a wrong turn and drive us all into the La Brea Tar Pits (trust me, I've done it before), let's not forget to reflect back on a wonderful Thanksgiving Feature where Fools everywhere shared things they were grateful for as well as a few turkey investments that came along the way.

With that, I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving weekend. Watch your step on the way down and, well, don't let the goldfish in the tip jar bite you on the way out.

Thanks Fools.

Until next week,
Fool on!

Not the Cheeze


 




Get a Broker
Open an IRA
File Your Taxes
Get a Mortgage
Refinance Your Mortgage