Wednesday, July 30, 1997

The Klark Kent Fribble
by Selena Maranjian

Who is Klark Kent? Well, he's mysterious, that's for sure. About the only other obvious thing about him is that he is clearly bucking for a job here at Fool Intergalactic HQ. Let me explain.

I was challenged to write a Fribble about the musician Klark Kent. Admittedly, I hadn't heard of him before, preferring the enchanting strains of Astrud Gilberto or the Roches when I fire up my CD player. So I had a little research to do. The first thing I learned was that Klark Kent isn't a very good speller, as he has sometimes spelled his own name Klerk Kant. Cause for concern? Perhaps. But hey, we've got spellcheckers here at HQ, so he could probably get by.

I took a look at the list of songs on Klark's album: "Don't Care," "Away From Home," Rich in a Ditch," "Grandelinquent," "Old School," and "Excesses" were among them. Hmm... not too encouraging, for a prospective Fool. We'd rather see, "Working Well With Others," "Who Needs Sleep," "Mmm... Pizza," "She Invests Long-term," "Duck! There's a Ball About to Hit Your Head!" and "Foosball is My Middle Name."

Let's look over his application now. But wait -- there is no application! How do I know that he's eager to toil in the hallowed halls of Fooldom if he hasn't actually submitted an application? Well, take a look at his lyrics. The titles clearly need a bit of work, but he writes like a Fool. Glance at the lyrics to "Don't Care":

I am the hottest thing you ever will see

You know I'm something it ain't easy to be

I am the neatest thing that ever hit town...

They never guess I'm only fooling around

When you stop to think about what we've built here, all hundreds of thousands of us Fools, it is pretty darn impressive. In our fleeting, Fool-ocentric moments, we do think we're rather swell. And Klark clearly thinks so, too. A good thing in a prospective employee.

In "Rich in a Ditch," Klark croons, "I want some money of my own." Again, a very Foolish sentiment. We Fools not only want money of our own (as, admittedly, even the Wise do), but we also want to control and manage that money, not leaving the task to the Suspendered Ones on Wall Street.

Klark's Foolishness falls apart, though, in the song "Old School." He sings, "When I was young, I was a fool. I was somebody else's tool... And all my dreams were out of reach." Unless, of course, he's cleverly not capitalizing the "F" in the word Fool here, rendering the phrases logical. In that case, he is astutely alluding to the fact that for many Fools, dreams are indeed within reach, if we apply ourselves and become investing tools for ourselves.

Additional diligent research on my part unearthed some more intriguing information. For starters, Klark's liner notes indicate that his native tongue is the ancient Indian language of Sanskrit. This is indeed a happy turn of events for Mr. Kent, as we are planning on launching an international version of the Fool in ancient India in the next few months. (Between that and the Holy Roman Fool, expected by mid-1998, we plan to take over much of the ancient world, before any competitors have a chance to strike there.)

Another aspect of Klark Kent makes him seem compatible with Fools at HQ: He has two names. In addition to Klark Kent (and Klerk Kant), he appears to be Stewart Copeland, famous as a member of The Police. (I discovered this on the "Anti-Sting Police Page." ) Well, most of us Fools also have at least two names -- the one our parents bestowed upon us, and the TMF one blessed by David and Tom Gardner.

A final consideration in contemplating Klark's potential employment here is a logistical one: relocation. Will he be willing to move to mid-Atlantic America and work out of Fool HQ? Well, I think he just might -- serendipitously, he was actually born right here in Alexandria, VA, where The Motley Fool itself was born and still resides!

So there you have it. A rather compelling potential employee for Fool HQ. Stewart, if you're out there reading this, drop us a note and we'll set up an interview. Perhaps you'd be interested in working for our Tech division. Our Chief Techie Geek is a drummer, himself.

[Epilogue: If any readers out there are interested in working for the Fool, you don't need to go to all the trouble that Stewart did. Of course, it doesn't hurt to release albums full of songs about us, but it isn't required. Check out our "Fools Wanted" area on our main screen. Anyone looking to hire or be hired in the near future would also do well to check out our "Ask the Headhunter" area.]

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