Thursday, November 13, 1997
The Greeting Card
by Selena Maranjian ([email protected])
The Fool's skunkworks squad, assigned a top secret new product development mission, has completed its work. We're therefore pleased to announce that coming soon to greeting card outlets near you is... a Foolish line of greeting cards!
Here's a sampling from the FoolMark line. You'll have to imagine the stunning artwork yourself, but we include the messages below.
-- So Sorry to Hear that Your Stock Tanked
-- A Three-bagger? Way to Invest!
-- See? I Told You Not to Buy That Stupid Stock!
-- Heard Your Stock Split. Congratulations!
-- How Dare They Accuse You of Insider Trading! It's Simply Ridiculous.
(By the way, Uncle Chester says he's taking the "company bus" all the way up to $165th Street today!)
-- Who Knew the Company Would Beat its Earnings Estimates? You Sure Did, Fella!
-- Joy and Cheer from all of Us on Your Holding's Announced Merger. Aerospace and Nursing Homes Seems a Natural and Exciting Fit!
-- Happy Humphrey-Hawkins Hearing Day!
-- Belated Consolations on the SEC Investigation.
-- Darn! Here's Hoping the FDA Approves that Drug Next Year!
-- Alright! Upgraded to "Hold"! Here's Hoping the Next Upgrade is to "Strong Buy"!
-- Hope You Have a Nice January Effect!
Can you think of any other good greeting card messages? If so, send them to me at [email protected]. I'll collect them and if we get enough, I'll issue a follow-up Fribble.
Lest this Fribble close without offering any morsels of lasting value, consider these events which might warrant a greeting card and some Foolish behavior:
-- Birth of a child: Send a card and a share or two of stock, as well. Can't decide which stock? Choose a company you know is going to be around for a long time, with a strong record and continuing potential. Even if you just buy a chunk of the S&P 500 (via SPDRs, for example), the kid will end up reaping a lot more than with a traditional savings bond. And point the new parents in the direction of the Family Fool.
-- High school or college graduation: A Foolish tip to steer clear of credit card debt will help out any young adult. And a wake-up call to start investing now in order to reap the rewards of compounding will be a great boon, as well.
-- Birthday: Along with a card, enclose a little Foolishness. A book on investing, a silly hat with bells, some jester earrings, a subscription to the Weekly Fool... you get the (embarrassingly self-promotional) message. It's all available at FoolMart.
-- New Job or Promotion: Such an event usually means a higher salary. If the card recipient isn't already an investor, this might be a good time for you to give him or her a nudge. They should consider allocating that extra cash for investing. Here's a good Fribble on the subject.
-- Illness or injury: Naturally, a get-well card is in order. But laughter has also shown itself to be effective for healing. So consider enclosing some favorite funnies. Perhaps even some Fribbles or other foolish writings, like these classics:
Reminiscences of a Stock Operator
From the archives of one of our old online games, Bust the Tipsters:
Case #16: A Lonely Lady
Case #11: The Case of, Like, P/E
Case #42: The Dow of Music
Case #34: The Bloated Float
Case #39: The Maligned Meditation
So there you have it. All you need to know for when you care enough to send the very jest.