Friday, March 27, 1998
Cash-King Portfolio
Report
by Rob Landley
([email protected])
Alexandria, VA (Mar. 27, 1998) -- Word from Fool Global HQ is that the sun is gleaming in through all windows and the thermometer outside reads 80 degrees. Oh, man. In the spirit of oncoming summer, I offer a shortened report today. On Monday, Tom Gardner returns to the column. He tells me that he's committing all of next week's reports to a colorful and numerical review of Coca-Cola's business and a look at its just-released 1997 Annual Report.
I've decided to come atcha like David Letterman on this sunny Friday. Thus, from the home office in Alexandria, VA here are...
The top ten signs that you may have made a bad investment...
Number Ten
The company's new stock buyback plan promises to repurchase all the stock owned by the Board of Directors first.
Number Nine
Before pitching you that last stock, your broker celebrated that his alma mater had just named its library after you.
Number Eight
Your company just issued a dividend with money it borrowed from a man named Tiny.
Number Seven
New company spokesman Jerry Rice heard bragging on CNBC about "having the most receivables in the industry."
Number Six
Corporate documents reveal that the company's next annual meeting will be held on Flinders Island south of Australia "sometime this winter."
Number Five
Your Board of Directors is demanding that Steve Jobs
run the business from here.
Number Four
Their balance sheet has an entire section devoted to "lottery tickets."
Number Three
Company name? Woolworth.
Number Two
The company's P/E is also its phone number.
And the Number One sign you might just have made a bad investment...
Three words: "Reverse stock split!"
Have a great weekend, Fools!
Rob Landley
TODAY'S
NUMBERS
Stock Change Bid ---------------- CHV -1 5/16 83.00 KO -1 3/16 75.19 EK + 5/8 63.94 XON - 9/16 67.63 GM - 1/16 68.31 INTC + 3/4 78.88 MSFT - 5/8 87.75 PFE +1 5/16 95.75 TROW + 3/8 69.75 |
Day Month Year History C-K -0.05% 1.39% 3.17% 3.17% S&P: -0.49% 4.39% 9.40% 9.40% NASDAQ: -0.27% 3.00% 10.33% 10.33% Rec'd # Security In At Now Change 2/3/98 22 Pfizer 82.30 95.75 16.34% 2/3/98 24 Microsoft 78.27 87.75 12.11% 2/27/98 27 Coca-Cola 69.11 75.19 8.80% 3/12/98 20 Exxon 64.34 67.63 5.11% 2/6/98 28 T. Rowe Pr 67.35 69.75 3.57% 3/12/98 20 Eastman Ko 63.15 63.94 1.25% 3/12/98 15 Chevron 83.34 83.00 -0.41% 3/12/98 17 General Mo 72.41 68.31 -5.65% 2/13/98 22 Intel 84.67 78.88 -6.85% Rec'd # Security In At Value Change 2/3/98 22 Pfizer 1810.58 2106.50 $295.92 2/3/98 24 Microsoft 1878.45 2106.00 $227.55 2/27/98 27 Coca-Cola 1865.89 2030.06 $164.17 2/6/98 28 T. Rowe Pr 1885.70 1953.00 $67.30 3/12/98 20 Exxon 1286.70 1352.50 $65.80 3/12/98 20 Eastman Ko 1262.95 1278.75 $15.80 3/12/98 15 Chevron 1250.14 1245.00 -$5.14 3/12/98 17 General Mo 1230.89 1161.31 -$69.58 2/13/98 22 Intel 1862.83 1735.25 -$127.58 CASH $5666.26 TOTAL $20634.64 *The year for the S&P and Nasdaq will be as of 02/03/98