Post of the Day
July 22, 1999

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Subject: Re: Vacuum?
Author: portolano

Okay, this has nothing to do with vacuum (although someone with wit could probably work it in), but here's a ditty that came to me, the laymans explanation of particle science.


There are particles in nature. Particles that carry Useful Information (UI). These particles are absorbed by all living beings, and they allow those beings to do Useful Things, like breath, eat, and so on. These particles are known as: Cluons.

Some living beings absorb more cluons than others. It is said that this absorption led to the evolution of human beings from the monkeys that we once were. In the modern world of today, the higher levels of cluons in certain people allow them to understand more things than others.

However, as with all things in nature, there must be an opposite particle to balance the cluon. This particle neutralizes the cluon particle, wrecking any advancement the cluon may have done. And yes, there are living things on this planet that absorb more of these particles, with devastating results. They are called: Morons.

Much like leptons and bosons, cluons and morons are made of smaller particles, to which they often decay. It is believed that each moron and cluon may be composed of *three* particles each, as follows:

The moron consists of a bogon[1], futon[2] and the cotton[3] bound together. The cluon consists of a caffion[1], computron[2] and the sixiron[3].

The cluon is naturally repulsed by the moron, but by some odd quirk of nature the moron seems to be attracted to the cluon. They seem to come in droves to the cluon. The cluon of course, collides with the moron and destroys it.

Sometimes the number of morons attracting themselves to the cluon overwhelms the cluon, thus causing it to spontaneously combust and destroy many morons at once. Unfortunately, this combustion usually tends to also eliminate the source of energy to the cluon, the pcheckon. The cluon then hurtles aimlessly until it finds another cluster of computrons that produces pcheckons to attach itself to. The down side to this is that clusters of computrons also attract (or do they produce) morons. Therefore the cluon then begins again to destroy the morons it comes in contact with and the process continues.

(Of course as cluons also attract more cluons and then produce clusters of cluons, the moron destroying power of the cluster of cluons increases exponentially.)

currently hurtling aimlessly