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By David Marino-Nachison (TMF Braden)
February 26, 2001

Recently, Web portal theglobe.com (Nasdaq: TGLO) issued a news release stuffed with Net biz jargon. As a result, we hereby provide a translation of the release as a service to you, our readers. The release begins:

"theglobe.com (Nasdaq: TGLO) today announced the launch of a bold new site design that better leverages theglobe.com's audience base for advertisers through several innovative new multi-media ad formats that are currently being adopted by leading online publishers and advertisers due to their powerful branding and direct marketing impact. The new design also significantly enhances the user experience by fully integrating theglobe.com's community tools and services throughout its sites."

Translation: We've redesigned our website. We hope users like it better, and we hope advertisers will give us more money.

"'By reformatting theglobe.com's network of sites to incorporate a wide variety of new multi-media ad formats that are being adopted by industry leaders due to their powerful branding and direct marketing impact, we have squarely positioned theglobe.com to successfully weather the current downturn in online advertising spending by setting ourselves apart from the masses,' said Chuck Peck, Chief Executive Officer, theglobe.com. 'theglobe.com has already built a reputation in the industry as a creator of successful "beyond the banner" advertising solutions for clients, and we are confident that this new site design will only enhance that reputation by providing several new exciting formats in which to deliver these powerful marketing messages.'"

Translation: We've redesigned our website. We hope advertisers will give us more money.

"The Company also announced that it is making investments in its users and its product offerings by retaining leading customer experience consulting firm Creative Good, which will provide qualitative-based research to support ongoing refinement of the site, continuously enhancing it as a branding vehicle for advertisers. Additionally, theglobe.com will continue its relationship with digital marketing company iballs, which has been providing the Company with powerful quantitative-based research regarding the site and its users."

Translation: We'll probably make more changes to our website soon. We hope users like it better, and we really hope advertisers will give us more money.

"'In conclusion, I would like to take this opportunity to thank the entire cross-functional team here at theglobe.com that made this tremendous site redesign a reality. We appreciate all of their hard work and dedication to this project,' concluded Peck."

Translation: If this doesn't work, I am so outta here.

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