Thursday, July 15, 1999


by Charles M. Cottle

To the tune of "That's Life" (Sinatra's version)

How did all those scalpers get on my step?

Index that's what all the shooters trade
it's makin' highs in April -- breakin' down in May
but I know it's gonna change that trend
when it's limit down it will be my friend

I said Index and as choppy as it seems
some traders get their licks spec-in' on a dream
so I'll sell it short. Pray that it goes down
ooh! -- this damn old index -- it keeps turnin' around

I've been a buyer -- a seller -- a wizard -- a debit -- a wimp -- and a king
I've been up and down and in and out and I know one thing
each time I find myself a victim of this looter
I pick myself up and get back to the computer

Index -- I tell ya -- if I could afford it
I wouldn't have to hedge it babe -- I'd continue to short it
and if I didn't think it worth one single try
I set off all the stops then start to buy

I'm short in September and short in October -- ooh what a spread
I'll buy puts in November -- and more in December -- if it's up I'll be dead
Next time I find myself with my back against the wall
I'll have to sell my mother's house to meet my margin call

Index (sung by back up vocalists)
Many times I thought about buyin'
but I sold some more and babe -- boo hoo I'm cryin'
and if there ain't no sell off by today
I'll have-ta roll my puts out for a big fall and pray


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