Fribble

THE FRIBBLE
Wednesday, November 10, 1999

When I'm In Charge...

By GeoGoddess (sara@geolectica.com)

I am not Republican, Democrat, Reformist, Greenie, Conservative, Labour, Liberal or a Libertarian. But I am running for Supreme Commander of the World. Please vote for me. When I'm In Charge, here's how things will be:

1. All inside car door handles will be in the same place on all car doors and will all work the same.

2. All our favorite authors will have an Immortal Muse granted to them, which will automatically be passed on to someone else when they go to the great Library in the Sky.

3. People's noses will glow safety yellow when they exit the tinkletorium without washing their hands.

4. We will know what happens to single socks eaten by clothes driers.

5. The United States Bill of Rights will be accompanied by an equally valued Bill of Responsibilities.

6. People will revel in reading, understanding, and following instructional manuals and help menus.

7. Parenthood will simply be impossible for those who will not be wonderful parents.

8. Favorite items of clothing will never wear out.

9. All foods will be equally healthful and delicious.

10. There will be people who really like having someone's cold feet warming on their tummy or back.

11. There will be no Yes Men or Women to encourage people with dubious ideas.

12. Some restaurants will advertise with "Is That All You Can Eat?" and charge by the ounce.

Well, that's about it. I may have missed a few of the less controversial planks in the platform (didn't even mention pets, war, or VCRs!). But this should give you a pretty good idea where I stand. I'll be glad to field questions from voters and hear more suggestions for "How Things Will Be When GeoGoddess Is In Charge of the World." Until then, please consider voting for me and think seriously about that car door issue -- I think it has the potential to make the world a better place.


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