Fool.com: A Fool's 500th Post [Fribble] March 8, 2000

Fribble A Fool's 500th Post

By TexSilver (tex_silver@yahoo.com)
March 8, 2000

(A High Procession descends upon an unsuspecting man, sitting alone, minding his own business. The procession is led by a man in full regalia, resembling something of a cross between battle armor and the ceremonial cloths of academia. It is The Keeper of the Stars! The Keeper approaches the man and, clicking his heals, he comes to stiff attention and salutes smartly.)

Keeper: THE TIME HAS ARRIVED, SIRE! PLEASE RISE TO YOUR FEET!

Tex: (Rising slowly in bewilderment) Huh?

Keeper: THE TIME, SIR! THE TIME! THE TIME HAS COME AND IS NEARLY GONE!

Tex: What in Sam Hill are you talking about?

Keeper: YOUR NEW STAR, SIR! YOUR NEW STAR IS HERE!

Tex: (Craning his neck and looking to the sky) Which star is that? Is it that big one over there?

Keeper: NOT A STAR UP THERE! YOUR NEW MOTLEY FOOL STAR! (With a flourish, the Keeper presents the star to Tex)

Tex: (Looks dubiously at the star) And what am I supposed to do with it?

Keeper: (muttering something about "Damned Yanks" under his breath) DO WITH IT, SIR? I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU DO WITH IT! YOU JUST BLOODY TAKE IT THAT'S ALL! PUT IT UP NEXT TO YOUR NAME OR SOMETHING, FOR ALL I
CARE!

Tex: And this will make my life better, somehow? Do I get a cash award? Will I gain wisdom? Will my ingrown toenail fix itself?

Keeper: (Sighing) IT WON'T DO ANYTHING IF YOU DON'T TAKE IT, SIR! I KNOW THAT FOR SURE!

Tex: But I still don't know why I'm getting it.

Keeper: AH! THAT'S AN EASY ONE, THAT IS, SIRE! YOU ARE RECEIVING THIS RECOGNITION FOR POSTING YOUR 500th POST TO THE MOTLEY FOOL MESSAGE BOARDS.

Tex: (Scratching his head) What? That's all I did? I'm being rewarded for writing posts?

Keeper: (Thrusting the star at Tex, trying to force it into his hands) THAT'S APPARENTLY THE WAY OF IT, SIRE! NOW, IF YOU'LL JUST TAKE IT, WE CAN ALL GO ON ABOUT OUR...

Tex: Well, if this don't beat all! But I enjoyed writing the posts. I can't accept this.

Keeper: (Turning red in the face) JUST TAKE IT YOU SODDING IMBECILE! YOU'VE WASTED ENOUGH PRECIOUS ENOUGH TIME AS IT IS!

Tex: Surely someone else deserves this recognition more than I do.

Keeper: INDISPUTABLY, YOU WHINING CRETIN, BUT THIS IS YOURS AND YOU WILL TAKE IT LIKE IT OR NOT!

Tex: Gee, I still don't know...

Keeper: (Smacks Tex in the face with the star so that it is impaled upon his nose and does a swift about face) THE CEREMONY OF THE STARS IS NOW COMPLETED!

(The Keeper leads the procession off to greet the next inductee to the Order of the Three Stars, brushing his hands as he goes)