Fool.com: How To Be a Nerd (Fribble) July 27, 2000

Fribble How To Be a Nerd

By Deborah Taylor (debbiet1@prodigy.net)
July 27, 2000

The information presented here is meant to prepare anyone for life as a nerd. Why, you may ask would one wish to BE a nerd? Think back to high school. Remember all the geeks with the pocket protectors and taped black-rimmed glasses? Well, those nerds are driving BMW's while you're scraping pennies to pay the rent. And that's only one reason. Here's the scoop!

How To Be a Nerd (or just act like one):

1. Read everything! Books, magazines, newspapers, labels. Carry a dictionary. Look up words that you don't know. Use your library card. Absorb what you learn. Nerd brains are like sponges. They can NEVER get enough information.

2. Teach others what you know. An overstuffed brain is a terrible thing to waste.

3. Don't do drugs! A pothead could never have invented the light bulb. Think about it.

4. Floss your teeth. Of course. And eat your veggies, too. Yes, all things that your mother told you to do. Nerds listen to their mothers. Some mothers are nerds too.

5. Stay involved with current events. World affairs have a direct relationship to the size of your net worth. Study the trends, the cause and effect between the economy and politics. They are all connected and have the power to cause your bank account to rise or fall. Be aware. Be smart. Remember, Bill Gates and Warren Buffett are the ultimate nerds.

6. Read The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, and Investor's Business Daily. Save your money and invest in stocks and bonds. Learn how to analyze growth companies. Don't take hot tips. Don't gamble. Do your homework. The only way to increase your net worth is to live below your means. By the way, nerds know how to calculate their net worth. Do you?

7. Read The Millionaire Next Door.

8. Most importantly -- be frugal! This cannot be emphasized enough. Frugality does not mean you are cheap. It means you are smarter than everyone else. Spend your money on the things that you really need and that are important to you. Save the rest to increase your wealth. Financial wealth equals freedom. Freedom to work ONLY if you want to.

9. Use coupons. If it's not on sale, wait till it is. Can't you wait? Instant gratification is for teenagers. Grow up.

10.Hang out with smart people. Learn from them. They are interesting. They can teach you new things. They aren't boring. They have vision, ideas, and creative thoughts. (And usually more money cause they don't blow their paychecks on stupid stuff.)

11. Get organized. All nerds are. How do you think they accomplish so much? They have pocket calculators and lists for everything. Nerds don't HAVE time, they MAKE time. Nerds get the job done. They make things happen. They make a difference.

12. Don't watch TV till your mouth drops open. You'll look like a moron. You may, however, tune into The Learning Channel whenever the spirit moves you.

13. Surf the Net! Nerds LOVE it here. It's a giant library. AHHH! Heaven for a nerd! So much to learn, so little time. Nerds don't sleep much, since they sit in front of a computer screen for most of the day and night. However, they do know the importance of REM sleep. Did you know that you grow new brain cells as you sleep? Nerds know these things.

14. Solve problems in your sleep. (Why waste time?) Before retiring for the night, examine the dilemma at hand. Trust the stillness of your meditative mind. By morning, you will have the answers you need.

15. Carry a small tape recorder at all times. Be prepared. Who knows, an opportunity may arise to interview Bill or Warren. Nerds don't miss important events.

16.Wear clean underwear, just in case you are involved in a car wreck and need to be rushed to the emergency room. JUST KIDDING! Nerds have a sense of humor. Go nuts, get crazy, let loose. Be a nerd or just act like one! Nerds Rule!

No part of this document may be copied or reproduced without permission from the author who is, of course, a nerd, in case you hadn't noticed. Nerds protect themselves and will take legal action if necessary.