May 4, 2009
I had to double-check my calendar and make sure I wasn't being April-Fooled by the blogosphere when I read that Google (Nasdaq: GOOG ) had ditched its noisy, gas-guzzling, air-polluting lawn mowers for goats. Yes, goats!
As it turns out, Yahoo! (Nasdaq: YHOO ) went the goat route to maintain its lawns years before Big G followed suit. As frugality meets corporate environmentalism, this sort of scenario may become increasingly common in the years ahead, which led me to envision these five fantastic scenarios. Someday, they may be budget-cutting measures from the Fortune 500; for now, they're at least good for a chuckle.
- Wal-Mart (NYSE: WMT ) employs fireflies to light stores. Handily trumping rival Kmart's "blue light special," the retailing giant continues to prove its commitment to slashing costs. This time, it really catches lighting in a bottle! Sam Walton would be so proud.
- AT&T (NYSE: T ) partners with Campbell Soup to launch the first global "Tin Cans and String" communications network. The move shows both companies' sensitivity to the ailing economy and their dedication to a truly "wired" world. Additionally, a whole new secondary market emerges for used chicken-soup cans.
- General Electric's (NYSE: GE ) CNBC abandons the use of guest analysts in favor of blindfolded chimps and dartboards. Amazingly, viewers report an immediate increase in their investment returns.
- General Motors (NYSE: GM ) patents the hamster-cage induction motor. In a last-ditch effort to stave off bankruptcy, GM enrolls an army of furry friends to power the engines of tomorrow. GM further announces plans for a V8 squirrel edition by 2011.
- Netflix enlists carrier pigeons to speed home deliveries and offset future postal rate increases. Inspired by FedEx's Super Bowl ads, Netflix secures a flock of messenger birds to wing the newest DVD releases into viewers' mailboxes. Amazon.com (Nasdaq: AMZN ) quickly counters with free eagle shipping.
Do you have any eco-friendly, naturalistic suggestions? Potential headlines? Share them in the comments section.