3 CEOs Walk Into a Mortgage Broker’s Office …

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First, the brief background:

Some companies are emerging from the housing-bubble financial crisis much the worse for wear. That includes those directly responsible, like the homebuilders, Wall Streeters (e.g. Bank of America (NYSE: BAC  ) and Citigroup (NYSE: C  ) ), enablers (e.g. Fannie Mae (NYSE: FNM  ) ), and gamblers (e.g. AIG (NYSE: AIG  ) ). It also includes collateral damage like GM and Chrysler.

While many companies were left in a balance sheet lurch, others emerged with fiscal reputations that were as good as or better than before: e.g. Berkshire Hathaway (NYSE: BRK-A  ) , Microsoft (Nasdaq: MSFT  ) , and Apple (Nasdaq: AAPL  ) , among others. 

In honor of this contrast, we want you to finish this joke:

Warren Buffett, Bill Gates, and Steve Jobs walk into a mortgage broker’s office …
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Make us laugh!

Anand Chokkavelu owns shares of Berkshire Hathaway, Citigroup, and Microsoft. You can  follow him on Twitter. Apple is a Motley Fool Stock Advisor selection. Microsoft is a Motley Fool Inside Value selection. Motley Fool Options has recommended a diagonal call strategy on Microsoft. Try any of our Foolish newsletters today, free for 30 days.


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Comments from our Foolish Readers

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  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 12:08 PM, larryvaupel wrote:

    The mortgage broker greets them by saying, "Hi. I'm with the government and I'm here to help." The three CEO walk out of the mortgage broker's office.

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 12:22 PM, Trunt1991 wrote:

    They should have used the door!

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 12:24 PM, 123spot wrote:

    ...and conclude they must have followed the wrong star.

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 12:26 PM, ScottBonz wrote:

    "Boy it feels hot in here" say the 3 CEO. The mortgage broker looks at them and replies, "Now that you mention it, it is a little hot down here. But don't worry it, it only feels like an eternity".

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 12:27 PM, caddeyman wrote:

    ...where is everybody?

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 12:36 PM, JohnnyAngel33 wrote:

    ...and they soon realized it was a setup. Barack Obama appears from behind a curtain with the financial overhaul bill in hand and then informs the 3 CEO's that he will be taking over their companies because they are too big to fail.

    Steve Jobs cries.

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 12:36 PM, imhotdog wrote:

    Warren says,"Tell 'em Warren says it's a good deal...you'll sell all the mortgages you can print!"

    Bill Gates says,"Tell them they'll get Windows 7 for every room in their house...everybody likes free upgrades!"

    Steve Jobs says,"Let's go fellas...I just bought all your assets on my new iPhone...you work for me now!"

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 12:40 PM, jtholland wrote:

    Warren Buffett, Bill Gates, and Steve Jobs walk into a mortgage broker’s office. "How can I save my company?" he asks.

    Warren replies, "Get out of the business and sit on your cash. You have no moat."

    Bill hesitates, "You go first, Steve." He dials up his marketing department and puts his phone on speaker.

    Steve bursts with excitement. "I can fix your business with this radical concept that very few companies try: create innovative products that people actually want to buy. We'll call it iMortgage!" Everyone in the room immediately wants one.

    The broker thinks it over. "That sounds like an awful lot of work. Never mind. I’ll just get 'Too Big to Fail'."

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 12:40 PM, aggiewes wrote:

    and mortgage broker says "thanks for the bail out again, I was getting worried"

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 12:40 PM, aggiewes wrote:

    and mortgage broker says "thanks for the bail out again, I was getting worried"

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 12:49 PM, mavenj wrote:

    Bill, apparently confused, admits that he was told to meet Steve Ballmer there about a reverse mortgage.

    Warren inquires about a second mortgage to leverage his equity to short Microsoft.

    Steve offers up several billion in cash to help jump start the housing industry.

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 12:53 PM, van291 wrote:

    ....And all accept job offers.

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 12:54 PM, foolfromoh wrote:

    ...and ask the broker to settle a bet, which of them could do the brokers job best. The broker thinks it over for a minute and says: "Steve would do well since he is used to bringing innovative products to the market, and selling people on image. A lot of what we do is convincing clients that they 'must-have' the latest mortgage product we've dreamed up." He then turns to Buffet, "Warren would do well since he clearly understands a good deal when he sees one, and the commissions we earn are the best deal around. " He leans back in his chair. "In the end, though, I'd have to say Bill would make the best mortgage broker." "Why?" asked an incredulous Steve Jobs. "Well" the broker replied, motioning to a word document on his laptop. "he has experience being responsible for crashes."

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 12:54 PM, foolfromoh wrote:

    and ask the broker to settle a bet, which of them could do the brokers job best. The broker thinks it over for a minute and says: "Steve would do well since he is used to bringing innovative products to the market, and selling people on image. A lot of what we do is convincing clients that they 'must-have' the latest mortgage product we've dreamed up. Warren would do well since he clearly understands a good deal when he sees one, and the commissions we earn are the best deal around. In the end, though, I'd have to say Bill would make the best mortgage broker." "Why?" asked an incredulious Steve Jobs. "Well" the broker replied, motioning to a word document on his laptop. "he has experience being responsible for crashes."

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 12:55 PM, Fool wrote:

    The only reason you 3 guys are gonna get such a good deal out of me today is, well quite simply, you are the only 3 people left in the United States who are not unemployed and still have any money left!

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 12:57 PM, pico7997 wrote:

    The Mortgage Broker sleepy eyed looks up at the three CEO's and asks, "What are you doing here?"

    Warren speaks first in an eerie spooky voice. I am the ghost of Corporate Past; I am here to show you the follies of greed. All of a sudden the Mortgage broker and Warren are in England at the Height of the South Seas bubble, only to see the collapse.

    The Broker spooked and confused is suddenly back in his office, looking at Mr. Gates and Mr. Jobs.

    Mr. Gates speaks this time I am the ghost of Corporate Present, I am here to show you the destruction of your silly securities. He walks the Broker, He walks the Broker, and He walks the Broker. Bill says hold on my programming must have a bug in it. Don't worry I will restart in a second.

    Mr. Jobs shakes his head, tells the Broker while we wait, let me show you the United States in the future due to your securities. Poof they are in the future the broker slacked jawed and wide eyed, and says "This looks great there are hover cars and teleportation booths." When the Broker finally focuses he turns to Mr. Jobs and laughs while saying, "You must have screwed up in your directions. Everything is written in Chinese. We are in China." Mr. Jobs turns the Broker around to see the White House.

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 12:57 PM, daveshouston wrote:

    Warren Buffett, Bill Gates, and Steve Jobs walk into a mortgage broker’s office …

    Gates: “You’ve been arranging condominium mortages for poor people who can’t pay the rent. They're going to be evicted, lose their homes, and may Freeze. That’s terrible and it has to stop.

    Broker: “Who are you guys?”

    Buffett: “We’re the landlords”

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 1:00 PM, topsecret09 wrote:

    Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 12:27 PM, caddeyman wrote: ...where is everybody?

    LOL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 1:04 PM, Fool wrote:

    Thanks for coming guys, we need to sell the American taxpayers on a smoke and mirrors plan that makes it look like we offer solid investment strategy with good fundamentals, the plan has to have great Marketing and has to look cutting edge and innovative, and we can't let them know that the government plan will end with our program crashing and all the American taxpayers being left on the hook for a black screen of financial disaster death!

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 1:06 PM, irishred1 wrote:

    and the broker replies, "Sorry fellas, you're ineligible to have your homes refinanced."

    __________________________________

    *figured I would try to salvage this section

    ~Irish

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 1:07 PM, Origin97 wrote:

    The joke is that MF is going to reward one of them.

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 1:07 PM, CoastalTrader wrote:

    ...and Buffet says, "We're here about the offer."

    The broker replies, "Oh....right. Sorry fellas. Your're in the wrong place. Auditions for "The New 3 Stooges" are two doors down on the left."

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 1:14 PM, KaReemdedreem wrote:

    ...and, for the first time in his short career, he said he would need to verify income.

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 1:16 PM, daveshouston wrote:

    Correction (typed that in a bit too fast. Should read as follows):

    Warren Buffett, Bill Gates, and Steve Jobs walk into a mortgage broker’s office …

    Gates: “You’ve been arranging condominium mortages for poor people who can’t pay the rent. They're going to be evicted, lose their homes, and may Freeze. That’s terrible and it has to stop.

    Broker: “Who are you guys?”

    Buffett: “We’re the lenders”

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 1:17 PM, WizardofMe wrote:

    Warren says to the other two, "now I understand why they're called brokers."

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 1:24 PM, Fool wrote:

    They thought they were walking into the bathroom...

    And they were

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 1:26 PM, jazgr8 wrote:

    The brokers says to the 3 CEO's, "What time is it?"

    Mr. Buffett, being about values says, "Why it's Christmas time of course."

    Mr. Gates, always the detail hawk says, "Well, that depends on where. In Chicago it's noon, here in LA it's 10:00 a.m., but in London it's 6:00 p.m."

    And Mr. Jobs? He says, "What time would you like it to be?"

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 1:28 PM, Fool wrote:

    They explain that they want to refinance their mortgages.

    The mortgage banker replies: "Sorry fellas, I only do government loans. You will have to wait until Obama nationalizes your companies. Shouldn't be too long".

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 1:32 PM, jwbessling wrote:

    and the Broker says, "Sorry Fellas, none of you are qualified for a mortgage anymore"

    "What?!?" All three reply in unison.

    The Broker replies:

    "Well Steve, it says here you earned a salary of 1 dollar last year. This did not used to matter but now your debt ratios are simply too high!

    Warren, based on your level of ownership in your company, I have to treat you as if you are self employed. You should know we no longer give loans to the self employed!! "And Bill, Oh Bill Bill Bill... I really wish you had not quit Microsoft to run your charity. I am afraid on paper, you just are not at the risk level we banks are looking to underwrite these days. You show us you can stay employed for the next 24 months and then give me a ring."

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 1:34 PM, jwbessling wrote:

    and the Broker says, "Sorry Fellas, none of you are qualified for a mortgage anymore"

    "What?!?" All three reply in unison.

    The Broker replies:

    "Well Steve, it says here you earned a salary of 1 dollar last year. This did not used to matter but now your debt ratios are simply too high!

    Warren, based on your level of ownership in your company, I have to treat you as if you are self employed. You should know we no longer give loans to the self employed!! "And Bill, Oh Bill Bill Bill... I really wish you had not quit Microsoft to run your charity. I am afraid on paper, you just are not at the risk level we banks are looking to underwrite these days. You show us you can stay employed for the next 24 months and then give me a ring."

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 1:48 PM, tdw5150 wrote:

    One of the CEO's has a frog on his head.

    The broker says what's that and the frog replies I don't know it started out as a bump on my a@#

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 1:51 PM, eddyeddyfool wrote:

    The broker says, "Happy to help you, but I don't understand how

    guys like you would want anything to do with a mortgage broker..."

    Gates says, "Mortgage broker? Is your secretary new?"

    The broker says "Yes. Her English isn't very good. Why?"

    Jobs says, "We told her we were looking for the Mirage Poker Room."

    "Oh, that's in the back of the casino. I was actually on my way

    down there for lunch."

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 1:51 PM, tdw5150 wrote:

    One of the CEO's has a frog on his head.

    the broker says what's that.

    The frog replies I don't know it started out as bump

    on my a$$.

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 2:01 PM, caltex1nomad wrote:

    Sorry for the intrusion we thought this was the toilet.

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 2:05 PM, jwbessling wrote:

    and they hear some bank executive yelling at the Loan Officer in his office, " I do not care what their names are, you tell those poor bastards, we are not doing any loan modifications for anyone!!! I am above the law! I am unstoppable!!"

    The Loan Officer appears, red faced and embarrassed from behind the door, and says, "sorry guys, he always acts this way after he gets his bonus check for the year."

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 2:09 PM, jmcnees wrote:

    Mortgage broker says, 'regretfully, based on the fact that you are all self employed, none of you qualify for a mortgage'.

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 2:13 PM, jwbessling wrote:

    Another Version:

    and they hear some bank executive yelling at the Loan Officer in his office, " I do not care what their names are, you tell those poor bastards, we are not doing any loan modifications for anyone!!! I am above the law! I am unstoppable!!"

    The Loan Officer appears, red faced and embarrassed from behind the door, and says, "sorry guys, he always acts this way after he gets his bonus check for the year."

    As the three turn to exit, Warren turns around with a smile and says, "Oh tell you boss, his accountant is in the lobby to discuss some tax changes for the year." Bill adds " And the box on your screen will not go away, you will need to reboot or likely reformat the drive"..."Or just buy a Mac", chimes in, Steve.

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 2:14 PM, sewright396 wrote:

    ...and the mortgage broker says, "No, No, NOOOOOO! It's not frankicense, myrrh, and the U.S. Dollar!!!"

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 2:18 PM, sewright396 wrote:

    ....and the mortage broker says, "No, No, NO!!! It's not frankincense, myrrh, and the U.S. DOLLAR!!!"

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 2:19 PM, jazgr8 wrote:

    Warren Buffett, Bill Gates, and Steve Jobs walk into a young, voluptuous mortgage broker’s office. She says, "Gentlemen, I only have 1 super-jumbo mortgage available…so each of you tell me why you deserve it and I will decide."

    Buffett responds first: "Miss, I deserve it because I have been the most responsible in my life, never investing in high risk and always playing safe."

    Then Gates: "I deserve to be the one because without my company, millions of people would not be able to buy your mortgages on-line."

    Finally Jobs says: "You should give it to me because I am not well and need it more than these two guys."

    The pretty young broker thanked them all. Who got the mortgage................?

    .............the one with the tightest pants.

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 2:43 PM, tiuliucci wrote:

    Warren Buffett, Bill Gates, and Steve Jobs walk into a mortgage broker’s office …

    Warren Buffett says, “I would like to build a new office building. Can I finance the mortgage through you?”

    Bill Gates says, “I would like to build another house. Can I finance it through you?”

    Steve Jobs asks, “I need to expand my Apple stores. Can I borrow the money to do so?”

    The mortgage broker says, “Warren, we would love to help you, but you will scrutinize the mortgage documents too much so we cannot lend to you.”

    The mortgage broker looks at Bill Gates and says, “We would love to lend you the money, but you shopped at a Wal-Mart where a few people who did not pay their bills shopped and we no longer consider you credit worthy.”

    “Steve, retail outlets are not doing very well in this bad economy, so we cannot justify your expansion.”

    “But please do come back once the economy is better and the government is off our backs, when we can go back to charging what we want how we want.”

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 2:44 PM, jwbessling wrote:

    and the Broker says, "Oh My Gosh!, Can you 3 wait right here for just one moment" Picks up the Phone... and says..."Boss remember when you said there are only 3 people left on earth that qualify for a jumbo mortgage?!? Well guess what?.. Huh?.. Oh when did they change? Oh well never-mind then." Sorry guys.

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 2:52 PM, jwbessling wrote:

    and the Broker says, "Oh My Gosh!, Can you 3 wait right here for just one moment" Picks up the Phone... and says..."Boss remember when you said there are only 3 people left on earth that qualify for a jumbo mortgage?!? Well guess what?.. Huh?.. Oh when did they change? Oh well never-mind then." Sorry guys.

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 3:02 PM, DargFool wrote:

    Warren says, "I'll buy all your mortgages for 10 cents on the dollar".

    Bill says, "I'll buy all your mortgages for 5 cents on the dollar, and a free upgrade from XP to Windows 7 Home basic".

    Steve says, "I'll buy all your mortgages. Which itune did you want to download?"

    -Dargfool

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 3:13 PM, bibihenna wrote:

    They gather all the brokers and said we are going to ask you guys a question the 1 that answered it right will win $100,000 prize. We are here to tell you all that the housing market will soon be great just like 4 years ago and our government will create millions of new high paying Jobs next year and by end of 2010 we will not have a budget deficit

    NOW WHO CAN TELL OUR AGES?

    Every 1 was quiet for few seconds finally from far end of the room some 1 put his hand up.

    The CEO’s ask you have the answer the person said yes ok tell us. Sir all 3 of you are 40 years old the CEOs were surprised and ask how you came with 40.

    The gay said easy I have a brother at home he is half crazy and he is only 20 years old you all sound 100% crazy you all must be 40 year old.

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 3:15 PM, bibihenna wrote:

    They gather all the brokers and said we are going to ask you guys a question the 1 that answered it right will win $100,000 prize. We are here to tell you all that the housing market will soon be great just like 4 years ago and our government will create millions of new high paying Jobs next year and by end of 2010 we will not have a budget deficit

    NOW WHO CAN TELL OUR AGES?

    Every 1 was quiet for few seconds finally from far end of the room some 1 put his hand up.

    The CEO’s ask you have the answer the person said yes ok tell us. Sir all 3 of you are 40 years old the CEOs were surprised and ask how you came with 40.

    The gay said easy I have a brother at home he is half crazy and he is only 20 years old you all sound 100% crazy you all must be 40 year old.

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 4:05 PM, vilibara wrote:

    3 CEOs Walk Into a Mortgage Broker’s Office …and the broker says "great you 3!". The CEO's look at each other confused and say, "what'd we do?". The poor broker turns to Warren first and says, if it weren't for you the American people wouldn't be looking double-digit growth investments year over year. Then he turns to Steve and says, "and if it weren't for you the mortgage industry wouldn't have learned that all that matters is the pretty packaging" and then turns to Bill and says ..."and if it weren't for you the lenders wouldn't have learned you can sell a system knowing full well that eventually it was going to crash but simply claim it was user-error"

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 4:18 PM, PhulishMortal wrote:

    Warren Buffett, Bill Gates, and Steve Jobs walk into a mortgage broker’s office …

    All three apply for a mortgage. The broker takes their forms to the back office and then he comes back in: "You're approved, Mr. Jobs. You, too, Mr. Buffett. Sorry, Mr. Gates, but we have declined your mortgage."

    Gates cries, "What? That's ridiculous; I'm just as credit-worthy as these other two. This game was rigged! It was fixed!"

    And the broker replies, "Well, yeah, but that's our motto: If it ain't fixed, don't broker it."

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 5:36 PM, QuandoInQuando wrote:

    and the receptionist says "Is this a joke?".

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 5:40 PM, dollarpuppy wrote:

    "Please help me!" the mortgage broker cries "I've calculated that 20% of these borrowers are going to default, 75% are going to get repay in 30 years, and 5% are going to repay in 5 years and apply for another mortgage three times as big. But I can't figure out how to separate the good from the bad!"

    Jobs whips out his iPhone: "I'm pretty sure there's an app for that..."

    Gates checks his Windows Mobile device: "I'm certain Bing's decision engine can help!"

    Buffett rolls his eyes. "I don't understand any of that, but here's what we do. We throw all the mortgages in front of a zamboni, spread them out across an ice rink, and just watch where Gretzky skates."

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 6:24 PM, ynotc wrote:

    Warren Buffett, Bill Gates, and Steve Jobs walk into a mortgage broker’s office …

    All three immediatley notice a gigantic elephant taking up most of the space in the room and ask "what's with the elephant?". The mortgage broker says "What elephant?"

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 6:35 PM, Origin97 wrote:

    And everybody passed out from Buffets old-man smell.

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 6:36 PM, Origin97 wrote:

    And everybody passed out from Buffets old-man smell.

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 6:42 PM, richie54 wrote:

    ...Warren and Bill just sit there and smile and say nothing.

    Steve starts yelling off out his mouth and says "I'd like you to help us purchase Crete."

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 6:43 PM, sf2012 wrote:

    Three of them asked mortgage broker about a large real estate loan for a new technology center in Dubai. Before even they finished explaining the concept, the mortgage broker burst into the excitement and said " I have the best zero % down and sub prime rate loan for you". When they indicated that they will not be generating the income from this property he quickly calmed them by indicating that no documentation of income was required.

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 7:01 PM, azduane wrote:

    ... and all three in unison say "We are the new mortgagers for the government and want to know what is your best rate?"

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 7:40 PM, kbury wrote:

    The joke is complete as it is.

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 8:04 PM, MAURIZIO400 wrote:

    and warren says to steve ' you would not believe it but see.. bill really found a bad apple!

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 8:28 PM, xetn wrote:

    Lets create another housing bubble! We can get another bailout.

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 8:29 PM, xetn wrote:

    Lets create another housing bubble! We can get another bailout.

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 8:43 PM, Clamchowda wrote:

    All three are steaming mad and demanding that the mortgage broker explain exactly what he was thinking when he sold all those disastrous mortgages to people who can't afford them. The broker, looking up from his desk, smiled and said:

    "I'm Canadian guys, and we don't do that stupid $h!t up here!"

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 8:56 PM, Clamchowda wrote:

    All three of them start bombarding the broker with questions:

    Warren asks, " why did you give mortgages to people who can't afford them?"

    Bill pipes up next and says, "do you even know what an A.R.M is?

    Finally Steve chimes in in his normal condescending tone, "Hey moron! Are you even listening?"

    The broker looked at the three men sitting across his desk and said, "I don't know what the hell you guys are talking about"

    All three shout in unison, "what do you mean?!"

    He replys, "Because I'm Canadian and we not idiots!"

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 9:31 PM, jerryguru69 wrote:

    Warren Buffett, Bill Gates, and Steve Jobs walk into a mortgage broker’s office …

    Buffet has his hands over his mouth, Gates is covering his ears, and Jobs is covering his eyes.

    The mortgage broker sez: "sorry, fellas, the TMF office is next door."

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 9:33 PM, jerryguru69 wrote:

    ...then Buffet sez: "We would like to buy the country of China. If we put down 30%, can we get a 30 year fixed rate mortgage?"

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 10:11 PM, ILoveMeSomeFool wrote:

    And the mortgage broker says, "Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!"

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 11:53 PM, BFH300a wrote:

    So the people left at AIG said, hey this feels like acid rain, Wheres the TARP!!

  • Report this Comment On December 15, 2009, at 11:55 PM, BFH300a wrote:

    We wouldn't need a bailout if we could just get a bigger TARP!!!

  • Report this Comment On December 16, 2009, at 3:34 AM, foolmenottwice wrote:

    The CEOs say to the mortgage broker keep you dirty hands away from any investment in our company or we will write you into double Obamacare

  • Report this Comment On December 16, 2009, at 7:16 AM, Clint35 wrote:

    ...And the broker says. "Sorry you guys aren't risky enough for us. We didn't go through all the trouble of getting Glass-Steagal repealed just to give mortgages to people who will pay us back."

  • Report this Comment On December 16, 2009, at 7:19 AM, Clint35 wrote:

    ... And the broker says, "Hi I'm Troy McClure. You know me from such shows as, Leverage."

  • Report this Comment On December 16, 2009, at 7:24 AM, Clint35 wrote:

    "So which one of you is the pay Czar? I guess this means I can't get that second yacht."

  • Report this Comment On December 16, 2009, at 7:27 AM, Clint35 wrote:

    "I swear I can pay back the tarp! I just need more time!"

  • Report this Comment On December 16, 2009, at 7:30 AM, Clint35 wrote:

    "I'm not too big to fail? Are you sure that's what Uncle Sam said?"

  • Report this Comment On December 16, 2009, at 7:38 AM, Clint35 wrote:

    "Uncle Sam said I'm not too big to fail? Mr. Buffet this a joke right? That's why Gates and Jobs are here, they wanted to see the look on my face. You're serious?"

  • Report this Comment On December 16, 2009, at 9:40 AM, KWT8011 wrote:

    My vote goes to vilibara or PhulishMortal

  • Report this Comment On December 16, 2009, at 9:50 AM, doncoyoteok wrote:

    Warren Buffett, Bill Gates, and Steve Jobs walk into a mortgage broker's office. We're looking for a good retirement project, says Gates. Yes, adds Buffet. Something to help those who have been less fortunate than we've been. Great, says the mortgage broker. We have four trillion dollars of non-performing loans in Southern California alone. There is a stunned silence. Finally Steve Jobs speaks up. Well, he says, perhaps you'd be interested in one of our new iPhones?

  • Report this Comment On December 16, 2009, at 10:44 AM, wildbill09 wrote:

    only to find an IRS agent there that told them they had helped cause that stock market crash...he had a guillotine to hand out their judgment. Bill Gates went first laying on his back but the blade didn't come down and the law said if the guillotine didn't work the condemned would go free. Steve Jobs was next also laying on his back and again the guillotine didn't work so he went free as well. Warren Buffet laying on his back but before they pulled the rope on the blade, Buffet pointed upward and said 'I see the problem!'

  • Report this Comment On December 16, 2009, at 11:02 AM, brusteph wrote:

    CEO's: Have we got a house for you! It's the most amazing place you've ever seen.

    Broker: Tell me about it.

    CEO's: Well first, it's 250,000 sq. ft. It uses nano-technology to control every aspect of the home's amentities including electric, entertainment, security, cooking and HVAC. The nano devices rest under the house and give it the ability to levitate it into the air and rotate the structure to always have the proper exposure to sunlight. There are water features that spout via voice commands and fluffy cumulus clouds can be conjured by voice command inside the rooms. It is self-cleaning and the furniture can change shape and color within minutes according to the owner's whims.

    To top it off it costs less than 500,000 and because it uses cutting edge clean coal technology there are no utility costs. Because it levitates, it's like a motor home and there won't be any real estate taxes. We want you to fund two million of these in 2010 and even though we haven't actually built it yet, trust us.

    Broker: (Suspiciously) It sounds great. What are you calling it?

    CEO's: (With a flourish) The Intelligent Investor!

  • Report this Comment On December 16, 2009, at 11:12 AM, ZZog wrote:

    Congratulations, you are the only 3 who still qualify for a mortgage!

  • Report this Comment On December 16, 2009, at 11:47 AM, miteycasey wrote:

    And asks "How much money have you lost by not investing with us?"

  • Report this Comment On December 16, 2009, at 12:13 PM, salrycapcasualty wrote:

    Mortgage Broker says: Tiger's about to tell all on Oprah's show. Can you guys come back in an hour?

  • Report this Comment On December 16, 2009, at 12:21 PM, altam0 wrote:

    The Mortgag Broker says :

    CHA-CHING!!!!

  • Report this Comment On December 16, 2009, at 12:39 PM, c5700 wrote:

    Buffet approaches the mortgage broker

    Buffet: I need a loan for a new farm and corn field in Nebraska.

    Broker: Very good. And when do you need this by?

    Buffet: Hey, don't rush me. Don't you know who I am? I never make snap decisions. Just give me all your forms and I'll look 'em over with a magnifying glass and a fine tooth comb. I'll call back when I'm good and ready to deal.

    Broker: Well, OK...can I ask what you'll use collateral?

    Buffet: How does Burlington Northern Railroad sound?

    Next, Gates approaches the broker

    Gates: I need a loan for a commune project in East Elbonia.

    Broker: Of course. And when do you need this by?

    Gates: Tomorrow.

    Broker: That could be tricky

    Gates: Hey, don't you know who I am? I never had trouble moving my products in a hurry. Ever hear of Windows ME?

    Broker: Well, anyway, what will you be using as collateral?

    Gates: I've got a basement full of Zunes.

    Finally, Jobs approaches the broker.

    Jobs: I need a loan for a swanky town house right next to Nancy Pelosi.

    Broker: Oh, splendid. And when do you need this by?

    Jobs: One month ago.

    Broker: Hmm. I'm not sure that's legal. I'll have to check with my supervisor. And what would you be using as collateral?

    Jobs: Collateral?

    Broker: Yes, you know, as insurance against default.

    Jobs (makes a call on his iPhone): Yeah hi, Jobs here. Listen, call the board and tell 'em I just decided I needed those stock options one month ago.

  • Report this Comment On December 16, 2009, at 2:19 PM, curlandskip wrote:

    all three said" We'll show you our balance sheet, if you'll show us yours."

    The mortgage broker replied: "I am sorry theU.S. housing industry does not have any balance, let alone something to do with acccounting."

    Fine the three said: "How much to buy you?"

  • Report this Comment On December 16, 2009, at 2:34 PM, AaronRogers wrote:

    for a winner takes the whole portfolio contest.

    All 3 hand the Broker their business cards and within 30 seconds the Broker replies I pick Mr. Steve.

    Gates and Buffet: What? Why?

    Broker: Mr. Bill and Mr. Warren these properties and loans are worthless I can't afford to put gates around them. I love Vegas but I'm too poor to fly to Vegas so your bufet tickets are worthless.

    Mr. Steve we have a deal. I'll give you everything for a job.

  • Report this Comment On December 16, 2009, at 4:27 PM, jim1969 wrote:

    and ask "Is Tiger's property up for sale yet?"

  • Report this Comment On December 16, 2009, at 4:29 PM, 1232152314235 wrote:

    1 says to the other 2, We need to get our Bonus somewhere

  • Report this Comment On December 16, 2009, at 4:30 PM, 1232152314235 wrote:

    1 says to the other 2, We need to get our Bonus somewhere

  • Report this Comment On December 16, 2009, at 5:30 PM, sweettea2u wrote:

    Do you need a loan?

  • Report this Comment On December 16, 2009, at 9:43 PM, Dithsoer wrote:

    Three CEOs walk into a mortgage broker's office. The broker opens his desk drawer and takes out a pickle. He holds it up for the three CEOs to see. " Well, what do you think?"

    " I don't know," the first CEO replies. "It looks awfully green."

    " I bet it's really sour," the second one replies.

    " Yeah, but how much did it cost?" asks the third.

    The broker pulls out a revolver from the same drawer that held the pickle and proceeds to shoot all three CEOs in the head. He then chokes to death on the pickle.

    Some where a lone tear streams down a Native American's cheek.

  • Report this Comment On December 17, 2009, at 7:51 AM, salrycapcasualty wrote:

    Mortgage Broker says: So... what's your Sleep Number?

  • Report this Comment On December 17, 2009, at 11:59 AM, Mary953 wrote:

    foolfromoh, 123spot, ScottBonz, jazzGr8

    What - we can't vote?

  • Report this Comment On December 17, 2009, at 2:23 PM, wordjunkie wrote:

    Buffet says, "You're a liar!"

    Gates says, "You're a cheater!"

    Jobs says, "You screwed half of America!"

    The broker says: "Sorry, I think you' guys are confusing me with Tiger Woods."

  • Report this Comment On December 17, 2009, at 3:43 PM, stationfool wrote:

    Steve say's "you mean people need to borrower money to buy a home????"

    Bill say's "how pedestrian"

  • Report this Comment On December 17, 2009, at 4:40 PM, Dithsoer wrote:

    The three CEOs walk into a mortgage broker's office, each with a hooker on their arm. Bill says "our three friends here are worried about their banks foreclosing on their houses. Can you help them?"

    The broker replies, "I'll see what I can do, be back in a minute," then disappears into a back room. A few minutes later he comes back out.

    " I'm sorry but I just can't help you. I've checked and, well frankly, none of the girls are very good at what they do."

    " What do you mean?" asks one of the CEOs.

    The broker replies, "Well, the first girl has bugs and is always looking for a place to crash. The second girl reeks of coal and diesel fumes and the third one only gives apple-jobs. I don't know what that is, but it sounds most unpleasant."

    "So there's nothing you can do?" asks a CEO.

    The broker thinks for a second. "I'm sorry, but. . . wait.The government does have a program for just this sort of thing. He pulls something out of his drawer and tosses it to one of the CEOs. The man turns the package over in his hand and begins to read.

    "Trojan brand TARP. Government protection for when you just can't resist those toxic assets."

  • Report this Comment On December 17, 2009, at 4:46 PM, Dithsoer wrote:

    The three CEOs walk into a mortgage broker's office, each with a hooker on their arm. Bill says "our three friends here are worried about their banks foreclosing on their houses. Can you help them?"

    The broker replies, "I'll see what I can do, be back in a minute," then disappears into a back room. A few minutes later he comes back out.

    " I'm sorry but I just can't help you. I've checked and, well frankly, none of the girls are very good at what they do."

    " What do you mean?" asks one of the CEOs.

    The broker replies, "Well, the first girl has bugs and is always looking for a place to crash. The second girl reeks of coal and diesel fumes and the third one only gives apple-jobs. I don't know what that is, but it sounds most unpleasant."

    "So there's nothing you can do?" asks a CEO.

    The broker thinks for a second. "I'm sorry, but. . . wait.The government does have a program for just this sort of thing. He pulls something out of his drawer and tosses it to one of the CEOs. The man turns the package over in his hand and begins to read.

    "Trojan brand TARP. Government protection for when you just can't resist those toxic assets."

  • Report this Comment On December 17, 2009, at 6:40 PM, Dithsoer wrote:

    Gates, Buffett and Jobs walk into a mortgage brokers office. "Do you have it?" asks Steve.

    "Right here," replies the broker as he pulls out a huge barrel full of money. Printed on the side of the barrel are the words "bail out funds". "Great. . ." the four men rub their hands together as little dribbles of drool begin to form at the corner's of their greedy mouths.

    "Lets divide it up," says Gates.

    "Well, wait a second," says the broker. "I kind of feel bad about this, you know. I mean, after all, this is the tax payer's money and I'd just feel awful about. .. " The man burst out laughing. "I'm sorry, I couldn't get it all out, let me try again." "I feel terrible about-"

    Suddenly, Gates interrupts him. "Hey, maybe we should keep some for the little guy, just a bit for the average Joe who paid for this, but how much?"

    "I know," says Buffett, "let's draw a big circle on the ground. Then we'll throw all of the money into the air and what falls inside of the circle, the taxpayers get to keep."

    "No, no, no," interjects Steve. "Let's give everything that falls outside of the circle back to the taxpayer." The room grows quite as everyone thinks about it. Suddenly a burst of insight swells up in the broker.

    "I got it! Let's throw all of the money up into the air. What stays in the air will go to the taxpayer and what falls on the ground will go to us!"

  • Report this Comment On December 17, 2009, at 6:42 PM, Dithsoer wrote:

    Gates, Buffett and Jobs walk into a mortgage brokers office. "Do you have it?" asks Steve.

    "Right here," replies the broker as he pulls out a huge barrel full of money. Printed on the side of the barrel are the words "bail out funds". "Great. . ." the four men rub their hands together as little dribbles of drool begin to form at the corner's of their greedy mouths.

    "Lets divide it up," says Gates.

    "Well, wait a second," says the broker. "I kind of feel bad about this, you know. I mean, after all, this is the tax payer's money and I'd just feel awful about. .. " The man burst out laughing. "I'm sorry, I couldn't get it all out, let me try again." "I feel terrible about-"

    Suddenly, Gates interrupts him. "Hey, maybe we should keep some for the little guy, just a bit for the average Joe who paid for this, but how much?"

    "I know," says Buffett, "let's draw a big circle on the ground. Then we'll throw all of the money into the air and what falls inside of the circle, the taxpayers get to keep."

    "No, no, no," interjects Steve. "Let's give everything that falls outside of the circle back to the taxpayer." The room grows quite as everyone thinks about it. Suddenly a burst of insight swells up in the broker.

    "I got it! Let's throw all of the money up into the air. What stays in the air will go to the taxpayer and what falls on the ground will go to us!"

  • Report this Comment On December 17, 2009, at 7:36 PM, bones345 wrote:

    Bill Gates, Warren Buffett , and Steve Jobs walk into a mortgage brokers office. Steve says to the lady at the counter "There is a problem on my mortgage bill. It's $48,000. It's cheaper than that." The lady types something in, checks some papers, and corrects the mistake. Steve thanks her and leaves. Bill says "I was just wondering what my mortgage is because I lost the bill." The lady says "It's $20,000 Mr. Gates. He pulls out a huge wallet, pays her and leaves. Warren says" Hey, there's a mistake o my bill. Gates and I have the value building but mines $30,000." The lady types and says " No mistake sir. Warren says " Well why is his cheaper?" The lady says " Well, the manager isn't happy with you. The apple you gave him for Christmas last year had a megabite in it."

  • Report this Comment On December 18, 2009, at 1:23 PM, Fool wrote:

    Bill Gates, Warren Buffett , and Steve Jobs walk into a mortgage brokers office. Bill says, "The Windows 7 launch is looking good; I want a loan to build another mega-mansion outside Redmond."

    Steve says, "iPhone sales are strong, so I want to build a new luxury retreat for myself in Silicon Valley."

    The broker asks Warren, "Are you here for a loan, too?"

    Warren replies, "No, I'm the seller. I heard the smart money was coming back to real estate, so this morning, I bought California."

  • Report this Comment On December 18, 2009, at 3:06 PM, lquadland10 wrote:

    The CEO's are Buffet, Gates and Steve Jobs. We know we can pay cash sir but we would like to take out a loan. The Mortgage Broker’s Office looks at them and says. We are only taking cash. No loans. Now we can sell you the property at a lower asking price than if you were to take out a Mortgage. The 3 CEO's say no we want the loan. Well then sirs says the Mortgage Lender says we must turn you down. ;-)

  • Report this Comment On December 19, 2009, at 1:22 AM, withoutlimits wrote:

    Buffett says, " We need a fourth for Bridge. You seem to have plenty of time on your hands. Would you like to join us?"

  • Report this Comment On December 21, 2009, at 11:59 PM, pgutier3 wrote:

    Warren Buffett, Bill Gates, and Steve Jobs walk into a mortgage broker’s office and asked the receptionist to speak with the CEO of the firm. The eager assistant explained that he was on a "business" trip to San Quentin, and would be back promptly in 10 to 15 years, to which Warren replied, "Gee, I guess we'll leave the tanning bed with you. Merry Christmas"

  • Report this Comment On December 22, 2009, at 5:00 PM, beer30 wrote:

    Broker: "May I help you"

    Buffett: yes, at current property valeus we would like to buy the entire United States"

    Broker: "I'm sorry but you will have to talk to China about that"

  • Report this Comment On December 22, 2009, at 5:11 PM, MobHanded wrote:

    Warren says: Mortgage companies been taking a beating, I'm here to buy your company for a hundred million!

    Gates says: I'll give you ten million not to list on Google!

    Jobs says: Hey, pay me a million to put your Iphone "Imyourmortgagebroker" app in Itunes.

    Brokers: Thank you Mr Jobs! You others, get lost!

  • Report this Comment On December 23, 2009, at 4:26 PM, knquoc wrote:

    Surprised to see all of each other there at the same time they asked what each was there for?

    Warren Buffet says,

    "The CEO of the mortgage company was the highest bidder for lunch."

    Bill Gates says: Well, I Binged "offices for soon to be lease" and this place came up.

    Steve Jobs then responded :I forgot my Iphone.

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