I've seen a lot of get-rich-quick schemes evaporate into the ether. I've seen sound trading strategies crumble. I've even seen completely feasible business models collapse under their own trembling weight. But this time I think I'm really on to something. If you really want to see your stock take off, get your company's CEO busted.
It's a beautiful plan, don't you think? Ever since Martha Stewart has requested to begin serving her five-month jail term for fibbing to the Feds immediately -- rather than go through a drawn-out appeal process -- shares of Martha Stewart Omnimedia (NYSE: MSO) have given new meaning to the word jailbreak.
Omnimedia's stock has soared 33% higher over the past five trading days. If this keeps up, it's going to tack on an entirely new layer of reverence for Monopoly players landing on the "Go to Jail" space. Instead of "I'm Going to Disneyland" as a celebratory catchphrase, "I'm Going to Alcatraz" will have to do.
Naturally, this probably leaves you wondering two things. The first is, does your CEO have to be guilty of some form of crime to do time? The second is, does your CEO owe it to you as an investor to enhance shareholder value by playing along despite the pesky possibility of innocence?
Details, details. Didn't I just see Disney's (NYSE: DIS) Michael Eisner jaywalking down a congested Burbank intersection the other day? I have it on good authority that Krispy Kreme's (NYSE: KKD) Scott Livengood has a knack for ripping warning tags off his mattresses.
Have CEOs become the corporate equivalent of rappers who win street cred by serving time in the pen? I always figured that Martha was a trendsetter, but this is ridiculous.
Unfortunately, there is no perfect crime. Not every shenanigan is richly rewarded. Tyco (NYSE: TYC) is trading at just half of its all-time high, and good luck trying to find a valid ticker symbol for Enron.
Perhaps we should consider tacking on an expert criminologist to our next newsletter team. Or maybe our own David Gardner saw that latent mean streak in Martha all along when he made the sharp move of recommending the stock while it was in single digits to Motley Fool Stock Advisor subscribers.
Either way, compensation committees better start taking notice. Goodbye, golden parachutes; hello, steel handcuffs.
Will you be watching Martha Stewart when she is done serving her time? What do you think reality show guru Mark Burnett has in store for reviving Martha's crafty career? Are you the next Martha Stewart? All this and more in the Crafty Fools discussion board.
Longtime Fool contributor Rick Munarriz thinks puce is an ugly name for a beautiful color. He owns shares in Disney and Krispy Kreme, so those CEOs have been duly warned.
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