July 22, 1999
See You Later, CEOs
by Brian Graney (TMFPanic)
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McKesson (NYSE: MCK)
To grow was McKesson's obsession.
HBO was Wall Street's suggestion.
But HBO's books were misstated,
So the top brass vacated,
Leaving McKesson with bad indigestion.
Dedicated to former Chairman Charles McCall, former President and CEO Mark Pulido, and former CFO Richard Hawkins
Compaq (NYSE: CPQ)
At Compaq, the chief was defrocked.
"Be direct," Eckhard Pfeiffer was mocked.
A middle finger salute,
From his golden parachute,
He's rich, but investors got clocked.
Dedicated to former CEO Eckhard Pfeiffer and former CFO Earl Mason
Ericsson AB (Nasdaq: ERICY)
At Ericsson, profits are ailing,
And costs are in need of curtailing.
Showed the door was Sven,
Now Lars is in charge again,
But to Nokia, the company's still trailing.
Dedicated to former President and CEO Sven-Christer Nilsson
Borders Group (NYSE: BGP)
"Fix Borders," Phil Pfeffer was told,
"Rid us of Amazon's choke hold."
By spring, he would go,
With his severance in tow,
Months after the Boring Port sold.
Dedicated to former CEO Phil Pfeffer
USWeb Corp. (Nasdaq: USWB)
Joe Firmage's heart had grown bolder,
So he gave USWeb the cold shoulder.
"Screw the Web and IT,
I'll go look for E.T.,"
Said Joe, or is that Fox Mulder?
Dedicated to former CEO and founder Joe Firmage
Iridium (Nasdaq: IRID)
Iridium's faults are well known.
Three grand for a satellite phone?
Ed Staiano stepped aside,
To avoid the landslide,
From bankers who got no dial tone.
Dedicated to former CEO Ed Staiano
AgriBioTech (Nasdaq: ABTX)
Said the head of AgriBioTech,
"Sell the company? Sure, what the heck."
But bids they were lacking,
So the boss was sent packing,
Leaving a bio-engineered wreck.
Dedicated to former Chairman and CEO Johnny Thomas and
former President and COO Kent Schulze
No Story Available
Wyndham International (NYSE: WYN)
Formerly Patriot American (NYSE: PAH)
By trying to grow ever faster,
Patriot American confronted disaster.
Leon Black to the rescue,
Now Paul Nussbaum's chewing fescue,
With the other chiefs put out to pasture.
Dedicated to former Chairman and CEO Paul Nussbaum
Stride Rite (NYSE: SRR)
James Eskridge had visions for Stride Rite,
But the board said "Go fly a kite."
"Have fun selling Keds,"
Mr. Eskridge then said.
"Maybe I can go work for Phil Knight."
Dedicated to former Chairman and CEO James Eskridge
Starwood (NYSE: HOT)
"I want you as Starwood's COO,"
Said Barry to Richard, his amigo.
A press story then ran,
Calling Richard "The Man,"
So Barry dumped him to save his own ego.
Dedicated to former COO and President Richard Nanula
Planet Hollywood (NYSE: PHL)
A full year had not even gone by,
When Planet Hollywood's Prez said goodbye.
Now who will be czar
Of this Wall Street Ishtar?
Maybe Bruce or Demi or Sly?
Dedicated to former President and COO William Baumhauer
Next -- Midyear Winners