Shakespeare's Portfolio Discovered
Fool Commentary

By Rick Aristotle Munarriz (TMF Edible)

The following story is part of our 2000 April Fools' joke. For an explanation of why we did the joke, click here.

Chester Rozalowski? The most direct heir to William Shakespeare? Hogwash!

It is my theory that this whole Chester thing is a big cover-up. Authorities do not want to admit that Shakespeare's estate should be awarded to the TRUE direct heir of William Shakespeare.

I'm talking about, of course, Warren Buffett.

Beyond the uncanny resemblance, I will prove that the Oracle of Omaha is indeed the most direct descendent of the Bard of Avon.

Genealogical studies are rumored to show that William Shakespeare's granddaughter (born to his twin son Hamlet) married back into Anne Hathaway's family. Generations later, Julieta Hathaway married Lord Warren Berkeley. The union eventually prompted the merger between Hathaway Industries and Lord Berkeley Consolidated.

During the infamous shortbread famine of 1835, the clan arrived in America. While a barn fire burned up most of the Berkeley-Hathaway historical records, the charred remains unclearly show that by the time Warren was born in 1930 he was a direct descendent of the investment-savvy Shakespeares.

You want more proof? Consider these seven amazing nuggets of coincidence...

• William's mother came from farmer's stock. Warren's father was a stockbroker. William's father was a glover. Warren's father was a stockbroker.

• William's plays entertained Queen Elizabeth. Warren's plays included a buyout of Dairy Queen.

• William preferred the ink and quill over early versions of today's laptops. Warren likewise eschews new technology.

• William's plays sometimes touched on issues of heroism in the most uncertain of times. Warren rescued Salomon Brothers from corporate raiders in 1987.

• One of William's greatest works was Macbeth. Warren made a killing with McDonald's (NYSE: MCD) thanks to the success of the Big Mac.

• Authorship questions have always hounded William. Did he write all of his plays? Warren sometimes lets Charlie Munger call the shots.

• In his treatise of Julius Caesar, William wrote, "Friends, Romans, Countrymen, Lend me your ears." Warren acquired GEICO, which asks that you hear them out for fifteen minutes to see if they can save you some money on car insurance.

Pretty creepy, huh? You thought I was kidding, didn't you? I mean, have you seen the quality of the writing in the Berkshire Hathaway annual reports? The Oracle doesn't fall far from the family tree, Fools. In today's global marketplace, all the world's indeed a stage.

Next: How We Spent the $500 Million »

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