Post of the Day
April 28, 2000
Rule Breaker - Strategies
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I WAS ABDUCTED BY THE MOTLEY FOOL!!
I WAS ABDUCTED BY THE MOTLEY FOOL!!
(with apologies to xerohype)
PLEASE, please, read my story as a warning, especially all you people who have just found the Motley Fool and think it'll help you learn about personal finance and investing.
DON'T BE FOOLED!
There's not much time, and I've got to get my message out, before it's TOO LATE for us all! Read this post quickly before it's pulled by the Fool Censor Police!!
You have entered an extremely dangerous zone on the Internet where your thoughts and yes, your MINDS themselves, will soon be at the mercy of those diabolical brothers, so innocuously named Tom and David.
I was once like you, innocent and na�ve. In my enthusiasm, I eagerly lapped up the idea that I was capable of managing my own money and investments. I aspired to be Foolish. Little did I know how the Fool would drastically change my life; little did I know that I would become A FOOL ABDUCTEE!! Lord only knows for how long I've been "taken" by the Fool. It was only today that I began to have the horrible flashbacks.
You see, washu's post about the urban legend -- the "supposed" Niels Bohr story:
-- got me to thinking and unleashed some deeply submerged memories.
I had taken the Bohr story as true, without question. First I wrote my gullibility off to the fact that I live in rural Idaho -- so what do I know about urban legends, right? But, then, with some of the recent threads on this board nagging at my brain, I started putting two and two together and I'll tell you, things just didn't add up to the Foolish Four.
The plain truth is, the Gardners are using the Internet to reach out to you through your PC and brainwash you as you view this web site.
SO PLEASE, BACK AWAY FROM THAT MONITOR!!
I didn't think it was possible either, UNTIL it happened to me!
Here's my story. Draw your own conclusions.
There have been times when I've been just sitting in front of my computer, poking around Fool.com, and then suddenly, my screen begins flashing a bright white light!! I have GAPS IN MY MEMORY AFTER THOSE TIMES! The gaps are not completely empty; I do have some fuzzy memories of seeing the inside of what you have heard referred to as Fool HQ but what is really called the "Mothership":
Oh, and what I've seen there has shaken me to the very core! I cannot offer proof of being abducted, but shortly after the out-of-control flashing of my monitor, my family has reported hearing me chant: "The Fool is Funky. And Funk is Foolish. The Funk is where you find it! The Funk is its own reward!"
IF ONLY this site was simply about two garden-variety hucksters, Tom and David, trying to make a few quick bucks by hoodwinking the unwary. But, no, this site is much more than that. It's more than bashing stocks that they don't like; it's more than those irritating, smug, continual in-your-face didn't-we-do-well reports when their stocks go up. It's more than all that silly "Eyes on the Wise" stuff. It's more than the obscene luck of picking AOL and Amazon before the big run-ups.
It's about much, much more than all of that, my friend! If only putting the idea of buying Celera into people's heads, as NRT42 describes in post # 12374, were the worst of it!
Perhaps you're thinking, "Wow, she's really gone off the deep end", or that I bought Celera at 200 (I didn't). Perhaps you're questioning how such a colorful little web site that quotes Shakespeare could be so harmful?
AGAIN, DON'T BE FOOLED!!
Sure this site might look friendly, maybe even helpful. That's exactly what I thought when I first clicked into the Fool that fateful day, almost two years ago. I was unwittingly lured to the web site by one of the Gardner's clever little propaganda books. Before I knew it, I was spouting off about investing and money as if I actually had thought things through myself and knew what I was talking about.
But no, I was only a na�ve mouthpiece --- a dupe ---- for the evil that lurks within this sick company. I only thought I was learning to read a balance sheet, I only thought I was learning to see through the media's hype, the short-term thinking, and the "expert" advice that characterizes (yet under performs) the stock market. I only thought we were "Learning Together":
While REALLY, all along, (and it pains me dearly to admit this) the Fool HAD ALREADY INFILTRATED MY BRAIN and was calling all the shots!
YES! It's true! This whole web site, the books, everything Foolish, is all part of an ingenious and evil plot, a huge conspiracy, to overthrow the U.S government and then alter LIFE AS WE KNOW IT on planet Earth.
The Gardners and their Motley Fools will not stop until each and every one of us becomes indoctrinated in their Foolish ways.
Their first step is to achieve "the undifferentiated cosmic unity of all Fools gyrating in synchronicity to the website beat." Next by insuring that we all mindlessly follow the Fool's investing strategies, particularly Rule Breaker strategies, the Fool will be assured that we have lost most, if not all, of our money. At that point:
THE MOTLEY FOOL WILL THEN HAVE COMPLETE CONTROL OF THE WORLD'S STOCK MARKETS AND ALL THE MONEY ON EARTH!!!
THEY WILL RULE THE WORLD!!!
In fact, if you don't believe me, witness that just tonight in the Rule Breaker report, David Gardner fiendishly alluded to the fact that there were still so many more innocent victims to be subjugated to Foolishness (italics mine): "Fools support Fools� Fools support non-Fools, as well, of course -- there are more of them!
Well, THEY almost had me Fooled that I could handle my own finances, that I could actually learn something here. Little did I know that this market would be volatile, that I would LOSE money, that I would not always pick winning stocks, that I would make MISTAKES, and that I would then have to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for my own actions!
Don't you see, in their harrowing quest to rule the world, The Fool has tried to strip me of one of the most inalienable human rights � the right to BLAME others for my problems!! IT'S THEIR ENTIRE FAULT!!
It took the Niels Bohr thread to snap me out of a sickening cultic Foolish brainwashing ritual of abduction and assimilation, but you may not be so lucky! I only hope this post can help you before TIME RUNS OUT!!
YOU MUST GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN!
If you're still not convinced by my story of abduction and mind-alteration � here's even MORE PROOF!!
DON'T YOU SEE THE SIGNS???
1.Why don't we ever see the Gardner's without their jester caps? It's because they are NOT human beings! The Gardner's appear human, but, much like the Coneheads of the old Saturday Night Live shows, their craniums are a distortion of the human form.
We can only guess what lies beneath those caps, and believe me -- Tom and David are NOT from France! I know for a fact that they cannot speak fluent French!
2.Not content to brainwash the populace solely through the Internet, these devilish brothers have already infiltrated the traditional media. Americans across the land are being bombarded by their twisted messages which they broadcast via their radio show, their tawdry appearances on NPR and Geraldo, their trite spots on morning TV programs, and those wicked regular segments on "In the Money".
Further, the proof that the Gardner's are using the Internet to brainwash the population is clearly evident in the fact that Jeff Bezos, Tim Koogle, and Meg Whitman -- ALL CEOs of INTERNET COMPANIES -- have appeared on their radio show! Lord only knows what unspeakable means they have used to coerce the distinguished John Bogle, founder of Vanguard Funds, into appearing so many times on Fool Radio!!
3.Witness the more suggestible community members undergoing "transFoolmation" on a daily basis. Look at that poor puppet, xerohype, for example. Read how he is already clearly and perhaps irreversibly addicted to recommendations, in this heart-wrenching plea for help:
4.Read community members like amynorcom, BruceBrown, and Goofyhoofy and ask yourself, why would obviously intelligent women and men spend their time on the Fool message boards unless they were being COERCED? Come on, does anyone really believe an opera singer in Vienna would waste his time discussing stocks on the Fool, unless he DIDN'T HAVE A CHOICE?
5. Why did David Gardner give away piano music CDs UNLESS there is some subversive message on the disks, probably when they are played backwards?
6. Witness how many previous posters to the boards have been quietly assimilated already. Where is idxbuster, where is orangeblood? Have they simply vanished into thin air? Unfortunately and tragically, they are no more, having been "transFooled" ( a genetic process patented by Craig Venter) into TMFOrangeblood, and TMFBuster. Their individuality has been completely blotted out!
7. WHY are there ads up all over the site to "answer the call" and apply to (ostensibly) work for the Motley Fool? And to work where, I ask you -- in ALEXANDRIA, VA, which is near, where? Yes, WASHINGTON DC, our nation's CAPITAL!
ISN'T IT ALL STARTING TO MAKE SENSE NOW??
Unless we all get away from this site NOW, unless we all RUN -- not walk, but RUN-- back to our full-service brokers, unless we all STOP using this infernal Internet, unless we all just sell our stock holdings and shove our money into an under performing managed mutual fund, unless we all just quit fooling ourselves into thinking that we can actually learn to manage and invest our own money, we are all DOOMED! DOOMED !!
DOOMED I TELL YOU!!
The moral of this story:
Don't mess with David Gardner, these Fools mean TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!
Now I must disclaim that I write this tongue-in-cheek to save myself from awful Foolish retribution, but you know what the truth is, right?
It's out there.
Fool Abductee on-the-run
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