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June 23, 2000
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Buffet Clips Toenails!
I just got this from the imadethisup news bureau ... hopefully you will enjoy it.
Thursday February 30 6:02 PM ET
BERKSHIRE HATHAWAY STOCK GETS CLIPPED AS BUFFET DOES SAME TO TOENAIL
Omaha, Neb (imadethisup) - In an unprecedented news release today, Berkshire Hathaway Inc. (NotNYSE:BRKa) revealed that billionaire, investment genius Warren Buffet (chairman) has clipped his right foot's big toenail.
In the statement, the Omaha, Nebraska based company said that last night at about bed time, Warren Buffet had finally got fed-up with the discomfort caused by the longer than normal toenail and that as an alternative to buying bigger shoes, he would trim it back to an acceptable length. The company further stated that the rest of his toenails were in line with usual growth expectations and that curtailing them would not be necessary.
The markets did not take to the clipping well. Berkshire Hathaway stock tumbled nearly 2% to $72,500/share. John Weenie at FastBuck Brokerage said that investors were concerned that the other toenails would also need to be clipped and that failing to do so would affect Buffet's stock picking agility. Weenie was also quoted as saying that "One can see how the other toenails will affect future acquisitions of Berkshire. It's hard to buy a company when you can't feel comfortable in one's own shoes."
Ima Thicky of Churn, Churn, and Dump Brokerage stated "that for the long term investor, one must worry about Buffet's feet." Mr. Thicky further stated that he has downgraded Berkshire Hathaway Inc from BuyCuzIWantToSellIt to SellCuzIWantToBuyIt because of the uncertainty surrounding the rest of the Chairmen's toes.
For weeks now, message boards have been in a frenzy with regard to the overhearing of Buffet saying "something, something, something, I got to do something about it" whilst rubbing his right foot. Speculators guessed that he was referring to Gillette or Coca-Cola Co. "Who would have thought it actually had to do with his feet" said daytrader Stephen Sellfast. I bought the B shares at 10:02am, 11:07am. 2:15pm and sold them at 10:04am, 11:14am, and 2:18pm." Due to the volatility, Sellfast said that he would be keeping away from Berkshire stock due to the unknown hourly momentum.
In August this year, shares of Berkshire traded at a 15% discount for a few weeks as rumors circulated in chat rooms that Warren Buffet was actually Mr. MaGoo and that his over 40 years of successful investing was a pure fluke. Buffet denied these rumors as he successfully navigated an open man-hole cover by use of a sanitation department worker's hardhat.
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