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Translating Movie Gallery's Press Release

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By howardroark
September 16, 2005

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[The following is a satire, so quit calling us asking for the PRNewswire link. It doesn't exist. Thanks, the Fool call center appreciates it.]

Hey guys, just further to the discussion, check out MOVI's AH release today. $50 million of merger savings by 2007, $20 million by the end of 2005 alone. That's a lot of moolah to spread over a measly 32 million shares. Shorts have already started covering in the AH trade.

I highly recommend downloading Google's Fishbabble for public company language translation, version 2.1, as a great time saver. I ran MOVI's press release through it and it spit out the following:

Movie Gallery Pleads with Investors to Cease Hourly Phone Calls

Also Would Be Nice if Stock Stopped Dropping Every Day

DOTHAN, Ala., Sept. 15 /PRNewswire-FirstCall/ -- Movie Gallery, Inc. (Nasdaq: MOVI - News) today announced surprisingly little.

To date, the company has refused to quantify the cost savings expected from the integration of Movie Gallery with Hollywood Video, because we've been a little busy defending our decision to lever up and double down on the precipice of a disturbing turn in video rental demand. Given that the company has received approximately 83,814 panic-stricken calls in the last ten days, substantially threatening the magnitude of our expected IR integration synergies, now seems like a good time to do so. Let's slap a big five-o on the thing, though you shouldn't expect to see all those savings actually show up in earnings. Put that in a complaint and rotate, Milberg Weiss.

And yes, to the extent we have something to announce, it would probably be that comps are down another 8 to 10% this quarter. Though dismal, this might be great news as we have been told by several shareholders that the stock's recent action evidences a whisper number approaching -70%. In case that's true, we'll hold off on the usual explanatory quotes that might signal negativity. Instead, we offer the very valuable 0% to -6% comp guidance for the upcoming (but yet to begin) fourth quarter. And, we'd like to spruce up that range a bit by, for the first time, claiming there is a "cumulative" effect from the poor Q2 and Q3 release schedules that will damper Q4. We would mention that Q4 year-ago comps were -6% (vs. -2.5% in Q304), or that numbers are expected to receive a jolt from (1) a much better release schedule and (2) an improved console cycle, but we think that's enough news for one day.

About Movie Gallery

Movie Gallery is the second largest North American video rental company with annual revenue in excess of $2.6 billion and approximately 4,800 stores located in all 50 U.S. states, Canada and Mexico. Since the Company's initial public offering in August 1994, Movie Gallery has grown from 97 stores to its present size through acquisitions and new store openings. Chairmen, President and CEO Joe Malugen has recently bet the company by levering up to purchase Hollywood Video, and has repeatedly claimed with certainty that online rental will never exceed 5% market share. Thus, while we may be right in our view that demand woes are a temporary hiccup driven by a box office slump, you can't really expect us to say anything else.

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