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Re: UBS Upgrade

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By Goofyhoofy
December 6, 2006

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Obviously if you follow the latter strategy you are not only dissing UBS but are unpatriotic to boot. Hope you are able to sleep at night!

Wait, it gets better.

Earlier in the year I got a call from the son of some of my neighbors. I like them, I had never met him. He worked for UBS and wanted to "analyze my portfolio", and for lack of something better to do I said yes.

So I went to their very impressive offices where I met him and his boss. As it turns out, he is about 22, just out of college, and likely doesn't have two nickels to rub together. He ushered me into his bosses office, where, true to their word, they took "my portfolio" and discuss and analyze it with each other as though I wasn't there. Once in a while I got to make a comment, like "I like that one" or "that one didn't turn out so good."

They promised to have a proposal for me in a week, which they did. I knew they weren't going to get any business from me because all during the hour-long they kept telling me I had to sell all my Starbucks because "it was overpriced."

I told them once that they might as well forget about that, that I had plenty of cash to play with, that there were other stocks I had which I could convert (assuming that was, for some reason, necessary), and so on, but they kept insisting. I told them twice. Then I told them again, and then kept quiet about it. True story.

Sure enough, when the big proposal came, it showed me keeping but 400 shares of Starbucks and selling all of the rest (I've bought several times, and been through several splits). And weirdly enough, they had me selling everything outside the tax wall (so I would have a large tax bill) and keeping some of what is behind the tax wall (where I was to keep the 400 shares.)

Even though they called back several times, I never really had the heart to say "YOU GUYS ARE SO STUPID I WOULD NEVER GIVE YOU A DIME TO PLAY WITH." Instead I just stalled and "couldn't decide" until they went away.

And I'm still friends with the son's parents, and not at all impressed by UBS's "wealth of experience" (which they explained to me several times.) I guess if the timing of my meeting had been better my Starbucks' investment would have been "very good" and I should buy more, but as it turns out it was "very bad" and I should sell almost all of it.

Who knew?


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