The Motley Fool presents
Hello, I'm Larry McCloskey. I'm so excited to be partnering with The Motley Fool to bring you The Kiddie Card. There’s plenty to read here, but at any time, we’d love to hear what you think, so drop us a note at firstname.lastname@example.org.
To start, I'd like to tell you a little story.
When I was five years old, the only thing I wanted in the world was a pony. I had just seen the movie The Godfather on the big screen, and I remember begging my dad for a horse. But he told me that he couldn’t afford a pony, not even one of those deformed ones that you see at carnivals.
When I pressed the issue, I learned the sad truth. My family was $50,000 in debt, due mostly to the outrageous 20% interest rate my father was paying on his basic credit card purchases. Cabbage Patch Kids, Ginsu steak knives, trips to Boise, jeweled scepters, helipad. I could go on and on.
All my father wanted to do was buy his family the American dream, but instead, he was slowly drowning in debt like a ferret in a barrel of gravy.
And that’s when I became determined to do something about it.
After many decades of hard work and petty legal battles, I’m incredibly honored in partnering with The Motley Fool to introduce the Kiddie Card, a revolutionary credit card that will enable you to buy the stuff you deserve at rates lower than any other card on the market.
The Kiddie Card is exactly what it sounds like–a credit card for your child. And here’s what’s so wonderful about this product:
What?!? Holy bazookas, Larry! That’s gotta be a typo right? Only 7% annual interest (plus the age of your child)?!?!
But it’s totally true. No longer will you be crippled by having to pay an average of 15% on your credit card debt. Get this card for your 6-year old, and you’re paying only 13% on all charges. Your 3-year old will be paying an embarrassingly low 10%. And here’s the mind-blower. Give this card to your newborn and you’ll only be charged 7% for all purchases. That’s basically like stealing from me... but hey, I love it!
If I had this card as a toddler, I could have saved my family from disaster.
And I would have grown up owning a pony.
Well, now things have certainly changed. I own seven frickin’ ponies. Heck, I even ride one to work every now and then. But enough about me, right?! Let’s talk about how this amazing card actually works.
This innovative formula allows us to offer you lower rates and cooler rewards than almost any other card out there.
|Age||Kiddie Card||National Average|
|1 year old||8%||15%|
|2 year old||9%||15%|
As you can see from the chart, you’re getting at least a 6% savings on Kiddie Card purchases!
*The interest rate will increase 1% per year on the birthdate of the cardholder. There is no annual fee.**
**As long as you charge at least $1000 each year, there is no additional fee for the Kiddie Card. If you purchase less than $1000 annually, there is a $500 annual fee. After the initial contract, you may cancel your Kiddie Card at any time.***
***The Kiddie Card must be held for a minimum of 20 years. After that, you are free to cancel—No questions asked!****
****We will ask 14 questions.
When you sign up for a Kiddie Card, you also receive your very own, very hip virtual pet! Buy enough stuff with your card, and you’ll be able to dress your pet in funny costumes and wacky accessories!
Also, make sure to feed him every day. For every $20 of daily purchases, you’ll receive a food pellet, which will keep your pet happy and playful and alive!
Keep me fed or I’ll wither up and die. Woof, woof! Wanna chase a ball? Or eat a tree?
We’ll be best friends as long as you don’t kill me!
With our fancy Card-o-Tron, picking out a credit card is as easy as blowing milk out your nose!
Now that you’ve customized your card, be sure to fill out the application at the bottom of the page.
APR = 7% plus your child's age.
Custom cards available!!! Contact a customer care representative for more information.