Dating With Debt? When and How to Tell a Partner What You Owe
Don't wait too long to disclose your debt.
When you're dating someone, you want to show off the best parts of yourself. Unfortunately, if you're in a lot of debt, you may be concerned about sharing this with someone you're interested in. After all, surveys have shown many people consider debt to be a dating deal-breaker.
While it may be tempting to wait until you're in deep with someone before disclosing your debt, this can actually backfire if your partner feels you've misled them by not telling them sooner.
So when should you speak up? Here's what to know.
When should you tell your partner about your debt?
Generally speaking, as soon as you begin to suspect you could have a future with someone or have conversations about getting serious, it's a good idea to broach the subject of what you owe.
While this isn't something to address on a first or second date, it should definitely be part of the conversation when you discuss making your relationship exclusive or start making long-term plans.
Although it may be uncomfortable to bring up your financial obligations, waiting too long could make the debt into a much bigger deal than it is. Your partner could feel you've betrayed their trust, especially as the truth will come out eventually if you do move into a long-term relationship.
It's also best to find out your partner's reaction sooner rather than later. If you're going to have a long-term relationship, you'll need to be able to talk about money openly without judgment or fighting. Your partner should be supportive of your efforts to improve your financial situation. And, if you're going to have a successful future, they shouldn't walk away when you honestly disclose your money situation.
If your partner isn't willing to stay with you because of your debt burden, it's better to find that out before you get in too deep with your feelings or waste a lot of time with a relationship that's going nowhere.
How to talk about your debt
When you're ready to discuss your debt, make sure to be smart about when you bring it up. Ideally, it won't be something you spring on your partner but will be part of a larger conversation about your goals and your future.
Avoid being defensive about your debt, or painting it in an overly negative light as though you're ashamed of what you owe. Be prepared to discuss the type of debt, such as credit cards or personal loans, and be ready with the numbers to give your partner a good idea of where you stand. And, if you feel comfortable doing so, you can explain the circumstances behind why you owe as well as your plans for becoming debt free.
In most cases, if you show that you're serious about taking responsibility for debt payoff and you have a solid plan for getting your financial life in order, your partner should be understanding. And who knows, they may be happy that you broached the subject if perhaps they have a debt history to share as well.
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