Don't expect the lights to dim while the sound of soaring arias fills the air. We doubt that when it happens, your heart will skip a beat, your face will flush, or that white doves will suddenly flutter to life.

No, we're not trying to keep your expectations in check for the significant other of your dreams. We're talking about that moment when you meet your match -- when you find the perfect credit card.

There's no shortage of fish in the sea (so to speak), as we pointed out in our rundown of the world of plastic in "Need a Loan? No Problem." In fact, there are more than 30,000 credit card programs alone among the five major brands (Visa, MasterCard, Discover, American Express, and Diners Club). Surely there's a magnetized yin for your spending yang.

So, how do you sort through the 1,738 credit card come-ons you got this week alone, coming at you via the mail, TV, and e-mail? We asked our grandmothers, happily hitched friends, and even one yogi master for some pointers. Here are their tips on finding The One. (In matters of love, we're afraid you're on your own.)

Which behavior most accurately describes your card-carrying ways?

• I have a balance I am trying to pay off.
  
  
• I never carry a balance, always pay my bill on time, and make complete stops at every stop sign.
  
  
• I occasionally carry a balance, spread my spending across several credit cards, and sometimes pay cash.
  
  
• I have little or no credit history, or one riddled with blemishes, and I can't seem to qualify for any credit cards.

Have a balance you are trying to pay off:

If you are carrying a balance, a low introductory interest rate is a nice way to get ahead and pay down your debt faster.

Keep in mind that when you shop for a card with the lowest possible interest rate, you give up a few of the perks offered by other cards. For instance, cards with the most competitive interest rates usually don't offer you rewards like airline miles or cash back. (Conversely, reward cards usually don't have interest rates on the lower range of the spectrum.) That doesn't mean you can't someday reap the benefits of a rewards card. Once you have wiped out your debt, consider applying for a rewards card so that you can get something more for your spending.

Look for:

1. The right interest rate. Obviously, it behooves you to find the lowest interest rate offered. But first you need to figure out what kind of rates you're being offered. No school we know of offers a course in Interest Rates 101. Instead, see our overview in "In Their Best Interest."
   
   If you are trying to pay off a balance, most likely you are looking for a card that offers a "teaser" rate (or "special" rate, "promotional" rate, "limited-time-only" rate). That's simply the Very Special Interest Rate the lender is offering at that time. As with most teasers, there are time limits attached. (See the next point.) Teaser and introductory rates are usually offered for both fixed-rate and variable-rate cards.
   
   Which one is best? It mostly depends on the interest rate outlook. Yeah, we know -- you don't want to have to get a degree in economics to pick a credit card. So here are a few rules of thumb:
   
   1) If rates are low and probably heading higher, then a fixed rate is the better choice. A fixed-rate card is also safer if interest rates are volatile -- moving up and down quickly.
   
   2) If rates are high and the outlook is for improvement in rates, then go with a variable rate to take advantage of the forecasted drop in rates.
   
   One caveat: Even the most attractive interest rate offers -- fixed, fixed-for-life, or variable -- can go by the wayside. Lenders are legally required to give you just 15 days' notice of a rate change; however, most will give you a 30-day notice.
2. A low interest rate that lasts at least six months. If you can find a lender offering an introductory interest rate (a "teaser" rate) that lasts for an entire year, huzzah! What about a rate that lasts as long as it takes to pay off your balance? We haven't seen many of those lately, but a double huzzah if you find, and qualify for, such an offer. If it is going to take you awhile to pay off your balance, it's worth it to find the lowest rate you can get for the longest period of time. The business of rate-hopping is complicated. The less you have to apply for new credit; open the new account; transfer a balance; close the old account; the more simple your finances (and your credit record) will be.
3. A card with no annual fee. This is a good feature to have, especially if you plan on canceling the card once you are home free on the debt front. If you do have to pay an annual fee to get a great interest rate, make sure to factor that into the cost of paying down your debt. A $45 fee might not seem like much, but four or five such fees over the course of a year or two is not an insignificant sum. And remember, an annual fee appears annually -- so on a card with a $45 annual fee, you'll pay $90 if you keep it for two years while you are paying down the balance.

Watch out for:

1. Low rates that apply only to new purchases. If you are trying to pay off an existing balance, then a low interest rate offer that covers new purchases only doesn't help your cause. Make sure the low interest rate applies to balance transfers, and that the amount you need (or choose) to transfer is well within the limits the lender sets.
2. Minimum rates or APR floors. Major caveat: Some issuers make your initial variable rate the minimum rate. For example, let's say you open a credit card with an APR of Prime + 5%, (currently 9.75% APR), and you expect the prime rate to drop over the next year. It might say in the fine print that the rate is variable based on the prime rate but that the minimum rate is 9.75%. That means the cardholder gets no advantage if rates fall, and only sees a true variable interest rate if rates rise. It's an all-around bad deal.
3. Index calculations for variable rates: If you hold a card that calculates interest based on a variable rate, watch out for how the issuer calculates the prime rate upon which your interest is based. To set the index for their variable-rate cards (which they will adjust monthly or quarterly), some issuers determine the average of the prime rate over the past three months. Therefore, if rates are dropping, they will be slow to adjust downward, and if rates are rising, they will be fast to adjust. Look for an issuer that adjusts based on the rate on a certain date (i.e. third Tuesday of each month) to set their index.
4. The costly effects of late payments. One late payment, and you can kiss your teaser rate goodbye. When you violate the terms of your contract (and paying late is often considered a violation), your lender has the right to increase your interest rate. It's there in the fine print, and there's not much you can do about it. So be sure to be a prompt bill payer.
5. Different rates for different transactions. A balance transfer rate doesn't always apply to new purchases. We often advise people who transfer an existing balance to a low-rate card to simply put the card away and pay it down. Any new purchases on the card will be subject to a higher percentage rate -- usually in the double-digit range. And forget about paying off the new purchase before the old balance transfer. Lenders will first apply your payments to the balances that carry the lowest interest rate. (After all, they're not making much money by charging you 0% interest on something, right?) When those balances are down to zero, then your payments will be applied to the new, higher interest rate purchases.
   
   If that's the best deal you can find, then get this card for balance transfers only, and abstain from using it for new purchases.
6. Steep penalty rates or fees. Penalty rates aren't only activated when you make a late payment. There are penalty rates for everything from paying off your transferred balance too soon (some even retroactively affect balances you've already paid off), or carrying too large of a balance on another credit card entirely. (For more on bill-padding tactics, see "Card Tricks").

You never carry a balance, always pay on time, and make complete stops at every stop sign:

Well aren't you a goody-goody? The credit card world is your oyster (or kingdom, if you're allergic to seafood). Why not get some perks for being a pristine credit card carrier? You can earn airline miles, perfume, teddy bears, and even cold, hard cash by using your credit card.

The tradeoff is that a rewards card usually does not have those low interest rate deals. That's something to consider if you occasionally carry a balance. And for those playing the balance-transfer game, earning miles or rewards for balances you transfer to a rewards card is just a pipe dream. It just ain't gonna happen.

Look for:

1. At least a 20-day grace period. In recent years, consumers have been witness to "The Incredible Shrinking Grace Period." The grace period is the time between the end of your billing cycle and when your payment is due. If you have paid off your previous balance in full, during the grace period you will incur no interest charges. For example, let's say your billing cycle ends on the 3rd of the month, your statement is mailed out to you on the 4th, indicating a "payment due date" of the 23rd. That gives you a 20-day grace period where you will avoid all interest charges if your pay your balance in full by the due date.
   
   If you do not pay your balance in full, interest will start accruing on the amount you owe, and it will not stop until your account balance goes back to $0 again. And all of your subsequent purchases will also be subject to interest charges. See? It really does pay to pay off your balance.
   
   If you have no grace period, or one that is a measly 10 or 15 days, you will be charged interest before you even receive your bill. If you are a clairvoyant bill payer, then this is not an issue. If not, then find a card that has a reasonable grace period.
2. A card that offers rewards. If you're going to use it anyways, why not get something back for your credit card patronage? There are reward cards available that offer airline miles, travel points (for use renting cars or dollars-off hotel stays), money toward college tuition, discounts on all sorts of products, and even cold, hard cash. A rewards card is great for those who pay for a lot of their purchases via plastic, and pay off their balances every month. If you aren't sure what reward to choose, go with a card that offers cash back.
3. Low fees. Most reward cards carry annual fees. Sometimes you can get a lender to waive the fee by asking nicely. But don't count on it. If you use a card that carries an annual fee, make sure that whatever benefits it offers outweigh the fee you're paying to carry the card in your wallet.
4. Helpful billing statements. Cards in the upper echelon of the precious metals spectrum (think "Platinum") sometimes offer detailed billing statements -- on a quarterly or annual basis. Your purchases are categorized (e.g. under "restaurants" or "retail" or "ugly shoes"), and you get an analysis of your spending -- in pie charts, grids, and all manner of glossy treatments. Again, for those who rely on plastic as their main method of spending (for everything from utilities to airline tickets), an annual spending report is a nice bonus.

Watch out for:

1. Annual fees. The reality is that most reward cards come with an annual fee, and most of the time, this fee is unavoidable. Just be sure that the fee seems reasonable, and that you are paying for a product that delivers.
2. Usage fees. Usage fees are different than annual fees in that you can be penalized if you do not use your rewards card enough. Though rare, watch out for rewards cards that charge fees for inactivity.
3. Expiration dates on points. Some mileage programs have a "use it or lose it" clause, where the points you accumulate may not be carried over into the next year.
4. Blackout dates. Depending on the airline and the deal the lender has secured, miles you earn by charging may be subject to certain time/day/month/location restrictions. This is especially problematic if you are unable to schedule a flight using your miles before they expire. Very simply: ouch.
5. Perks you won't actually use. What use are air miles on an airline that doesn't operate near your home, or points towards the Ronco Rotato and the Celery Samurai if you're allergic to peeled potatoes and slivered celery?
6. Minimum-spending requirements. A lot of cash-back programs require you to meet a minimum-spending requirement before you get one dime back. Some also have a steeped program where if you spend up to X number of dollars, you get 1% back; if you spend Y number of dollars, you get 2% back, etc. Ideally, you want a cash-back card that starts paying you back right away and at a consistent rate, no matter how much you do or don't spend.

You occasionally carry a balance, spread your spending across a number of cards, or pay cash.

Look for:

1. A card that can help organize your spending. As we mentioned above, some billing statements are better than others. If there's a standout -- one that helps categorize your purchases and analyze your spending patterns -- consider canceling your sub-par cards and sticking to that one.
2. Some payback -- even if it's really small. Again, with a reward card -- especially ones that offer cash back -- at least you're getting a little coin back for your plastic usage.

Watch out for:

1. Carrying too much credit. It's not the number of cards you carry; it's the amount of available credit you have at your disposal that can be your downfall. If you add up all the credit limits on your cards, and it exceeds your annual income, then you are considered a credit risk to most card issuers. Even though the average American has around eight cards to her name, you, dear Fool, should strive to be above average. In this case, that means keeping your access to plastic limited (most people only need two or three credit cards, at the most), and your credit limits totaling no more than 25% of your income. Even so, higher credit limits (even up to 50% of your income) are not considered excessive in the eyes of the lending industry.

You have little or no credit history, or have one that is riddled with blemishes, and can't seem to qualify for any credit card.

If you are unable to qualify for a regular Visa, MasterCard, Discover, or American Express card, first, head to your bank. Your best bet in qualifying for a line of credit lies with the institution that harbors your money. Many banks offer debit cards -- linked directly to your checking account -- that can also act as a Visa or MasterCard.

If your bank does not offer a credit card, or if you are unable to qualify for one, your next option is a secured credit card. To get a "secured" credit card, you have to pay a security deposit to serve as collateral, in case you decide to skip town on your loan. Most secured credit cards carry an annual fee. And they set a minimum deposit (from $99 up to $5,000, in our research) for you to set up an account.

You may also receive offers for "sub-prime" cards, though the lenders who operate in this market have been hit hard lately and are pulling back their marketing. While these credit cards do not require a security deposit, they do come with a pretty hefty price tag. Interest rates from established sub-prime issuers, such as Metris, Providian, and Capital One, range from 18% to 28%, depending on how bad or thin a customer's credit history. Credit limits on sub-prime cards are set low -- initially in the $100 to $500 range -- and are raised as you establish yourself as a good customer by paying your bill on time. In time, you will be able to qualify for a regular "prime" credit card.

Look for:

1. Reasonable terms. At least as reasonable as you can get. If you are shopping for a sub-prime card, look for interest rates in the 18% to 22% range. If your credit history is filled with late payments, delinquencies and/or write-offs, you will be offered credit cards with interest rates in the 25%-to-30% range.
   
   When looking for a secured credit card, you can find interest rates in the mid- to upper-teens, and even some that do not carry an annual fee.

Watch out for:

1. Everything. Really. This market is filled scam artists and bottom feeders. Even legitimate lenders in the subprime business are considered bottom feeders among their peers.
2. Particularly heinous fees: Some lenders charge application fees, monthly participation fees, program fees, and annual fees. We've seen lenders charging $200 and more in upfront fees, then turn around and offer you a credit card with just a $250 credit limit -- with all the fees already charged to the card. That means the customer must pay off the fees before he can even start using the credit line for purchases.

No matter what your spending habits, there is probably a credit card that best suits your needs. For more guidance on finding The One, check in with other card-carrying Fools on our Consumer Credit/Credit Cards discussion board.

Fool Disclosure: The Motley Fool offers three credit cards of its own to fit Fool's credit needs -- a low rate (8.9% APR), cash back (11.9% APR), and rewards card (11.9% APR). There is no annual fee on any of the cards. A six-month, 0% introductory interest rate on balance transfers and cash advances applies. Click here to learn more.