Top 5 Money Mistakes That Couples Make

A committed romantic relationship is a financial partnership. If you're living together, sharing bills, and planning for a shared financial future, you are "in business" together. So do you want your relationship to feel like a promising, thriving startup -- or a struggling nonprofit organization?

Unfortunately, many couples end up making a few big money mistakes. Let's look at a few.

1. Not being transparent about money

If you're in a serious relationship, before you move in together, you should talk openly and honestly (and often) about money. You don't have to break out your tax returns and bank account statements, but you and your partner should feel comfortable sharing details about your financial lives. Money shouldn't be a dirty secret for your relationship.

If one of you (or both of you) have credit card debt, you should talk about it -- and make a plan to pay it off. Do you have an expensive hobby or fancy car that you love, but that your partner might not want to subsidize? Talk about it. Are you more of a "spender" or a "saver?" Opposites attract, and that's OK. But ideally, you and your life partner can help compensate for each other's money hang-ups and struggles.

2. Not splitting bills fairly

A big source of disagreements in relationships is when one spouse earns more money, but doesn't pay a fair share of the bills. Every couple needs to negotiate this balance for themselves. Not every bill needs to be split 50-50.

For example, if one half of the couple earns $100,000 per year and the other half of the couple earns $50,000, the higher-earning partner might want to pay two-thirds of the rent or other monthly expenses. Or you can find a calculation that works for you -- whatever it takes to keep your shared bills paid on time, while preserving harmony in your household.

A great personal finance app for couples called Tandem can help make it easier to split shared bills as a couple. Just like a tandem bicycle, Tandem helps your relationship work better as a team, by simplifying bill-splitting. Couples can use Tandem to set up customized ratios to split your bills based on who earns more money, and settle bills with linked bank accounts within the Tandem app.

3. Not working as a team toward future financial goals

When you're in a committed relationship with someone, when you're sharing bills and living together, whether you're married or not, you are on the same team. Even if you keep separate bank accounts or don't file a joint tax return, you still need to be on the same page financially.

One of the greatest things about being in a serious relationship is that it helps you plan for the future and build a larger life with another person. By splitting the costs of living and pooling your resources as life partners, you can (hopefully) afford a nicer home, build a bigger savings account, and amass a larger brokerage account balance than you could on your own.

But sometimes couples are not on the same page about money. They might not share the same financial goals. One person might struggle to rein in their spending, while the other person feels unheard and unsupported. One person might not pull their weight in doing housework and cooking and child care, and all the other little everyday tasks that cost more time than money. If you're pulling in two different directions as a couple, if one person feels burdened by the other person's bad financial habits or lack of effort around the house, it can cause resentment and lead to a breakup or divorce.

As a couple, you have to keep investing in each other. Talk to each other about your money goals and big dreams. What do you want to accomplish together? How can you build a stronger foundation of financial security, where the bills are paid and there's money in the bank and you're building wealth for the future?

4. Not letting each other have some "fun money"

Frugality and budgeting are important, but sometimes couples go too far in that direction. If one partner feels like they're always being badgered to save money and account for every last dollar, that can cause resentment too. Let each other have some money that's just for you, apart from your shared finances as a couple.

5. Focusing too much on money, not enough on love

Think back to the first time you met, your first date as a couple. Were you showing each other your bank account statements? Did you swipe right on your life partner's dating app profile because of their amazing credit score? (Hopefully not.)

People get together for complex reasons based on attraction and social skills, humor, and charisma; a magical spark of human connection that is priceless and beautiful. If your relationship is all about money, it can start to feel soulless and bland. Try not to talk about money all the time. Give each other space to be people and engage as a loving couple, in the ways that matter most.

Bottom line

The biggest money mistakes for couples are often not just a matter of budgeting and dollars and cents; they're about communication, caring, and values. The way you manage money is an expression of what you value, what standards you hold for yourself, and what kind of life you want to lead. Being in a relationship is all about helping each other get more out of life -- and working together toward shared financial goals is a big part of success as a couple.