I'm a happily married guy. I love my wife. I've got two great kids. Well, I've got two kids, anyway. And by most accounts eBay (NASDAQ:EBAY) CEO Meg Whitman has a great husband and splendid kids who help clear out the family garage and hawk neglected wares for pocket change. That being said, what do you say about getting hitched, Meg?

After another amazing quarter, I think even my wife might come around to agreeing to the nuptials. She's caught me red-handed on eBay, beaming over my perfect 100% feedback after 135 entries. She knows about us, Meg. She knows all about us.

We don't need to say "I Do" to exchange our vows. A more ironclad bond can be achieved by clicking each other's "Buy It Now" buttons, and we'll take it from there. I must say you look absolutely riveting in your March-quarter financials.

Earnings nearly doubled to $0.30 a share as net revenues climbed 59%. What really impresses me -- and you know I'm a mess when I look into your eyes and say mushy things like this -- is that this came on just a 45% uptick in active users and a 49% spurt in listings. In other words, the eBay community is becoming even more active and the average member is generating more in profits and revenues.

I guess it's no surprise that eBay has been a winning Motley Fool Stock Advisor selection. Drats! Those Gardner boys spotted you first. Then again, the same thing can be said about fellow dot-com survivors Amazon (NASDAQ:AMZN) and Overstock.com (NASDAQ:OSTK).

So maybe it's time that I put away my immature, indecisive ways and pony up to make a more firm commitment. Meg, can I have eBay's hand in marriage? I've seen eBay grow over the years. I've been writing love letters since 1999 and never acted on those urges. I've often figured your stock was fairly valued, if not overvalued, only to see it break its promises -- for the better.

Like now. You're looking to earn as much as $1.06 a share this year on net revenues of $3.15 billion. It seems as if these targets keep rising every three months or so, doesn't it?

A perpetual desire to outperform is tearing away at my heartstrings. I don't think my portfolio can take it much longer. So, what do you say eBay? I've got my eye on the perfect ring, too. I just need another two days, 13 hours, and 37 minutes to make sure it's mine.

You can argue that eBay was the elephant in the room, but Overstock.com was a true Hidden Gem. Take a free trial -- but we don't want to see it showing up on eBay!

Longtime Fool contributor Rick Munarriz realizes that he's ultimately not cut out for polygamy, though he has played a polygamist on TV. He does not own shares in any of the companies mentioned in this story.