I'd love to be able to say this: "It pains me to have to point out the boneheadedness of the financial media and certain analysts."

But if I said that, I'd be lying. I love it that the so-called experts out there are so often wrong. And I love it that they can do almost nothing about it because the system demands that they pay undue attention to stuff that doesn't matter. Hey, it not only gives me something to write about, but sometimes it also provides us investors with opportunities to buy quality goods on the cheap.

So, without further ado, here's my personal pick for the dumbest stock-related, partially hydrogenized, dubiously informational news-like product I've seen this week: It's a Reuters (NASDAQ:RTRSY) article that discusses ceramic specialists Ceradyne (NASDAQ:CRDN).

You really must read this piece to truly appreciate its utter worthlessness. It cites an analyst's "research" showing that, if you crunch the options numbers, you see that the Street expects Ceradyne to move 8.4%. Nice to know, hey? Like to use that to your advantage? Good luck. The story doesn't say whether the move will be up or down -- not that I'd believe it if it did say. (Any other Ceradyne watchers out there remember the 15% price swing during the conference call for last quarter's earnings?)

So there you have it, folks. Following earnings, Ceradyne's stock price may move a decent amount, either up or down. While we're at it, let me wave my hands around my purple, pointed, moon-and-stars wizard cap, and make a couple of risky predictions of my own.

Apple (NASDAQ:AAPL) will sell some iPods. Coke (NYSE:KO) will sell some sugared water. Something freaky will show up for sale on eBay (NASDAQ:EBAY), and the anchors at Fox will spend more time discussing American Idol than the federal budget. How much would you pay for that kind of prescience?

We haven't even gotten to the best part. Our friends, the journalists and analysts, got the release date wrong. Correct me if I'm being picky here, but aren't dates kind of important when we're talking about short-term options? (Anyone else out there no longer wondering why Reuters has no qualms about outsourcing to India?)

Yes, Ceradyne previously stated that it would be putting out its earnings on the 24th, but in an interview this week, CEO Joel Moskowitz said that the numbers would come out the week of the 28th instead. It took me all of one minute to confirm the date change -- though not an exact date -- by calling the firm's investor-relations number.

By the way, anyone else out there panicking about the delayed results this year should take a big dose of "Chill out, dude." Remember, Ceradyne swallowed a pretty big acquisition this year, and moving that lump through the python takes time.

Is there anything here besides a fine, Foolish dose of schadenfreude? You bet. This is exactly the type of short-term thinking that permeates the 24-hour nonsense out there masquerading as useful information. It may be financial, and it may be news, but it's important to investors only to the extent that they can see through the inane prattle and profit from those who don't. Make sure you're on the right side of that cerebral transaction, and you'll have better odds on the financial side, too.

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Seth Jayson is just a regular old investor like you, with little patience for nonsense that aspires to wisdom. At the time of publication, he had shares of Ceradyne but no position in any other company mentioned. View his stock holdings and Fool profile here. Fool rules are here.