Dear Tom and David,

It is with regret that I resign my role as a contributing writer to The Motley Fool. It's not that I don't love you guys. I do. But I've found the secret to easy money. That's right: I'm leaving to become a paid corporate speaker. I'll draw on my experiences covering crooked CEOs, tainted balance sheets, and absurd valuations to teach common folks how to scare themselves out of the stock market.

I know you're disappointed. I am, too. But I'm also excited by the prospects. Blame Carly if you must. She inspires me. I'm in awe of how she's parlayed a mixed track record leading Hewlett-Packard (NYSE:HPQ) into a new gig where she'll be paid at least $40,000 a pop to speak about leadership, competitiveness, and other topics that, you know, businesspeople seem to like. And this after being fired! Sheesh, I really need to go back and read her diary.

Or maybe I need to commit a crime. Walter Pavlo, former senior manager of collections for MCI (NASDAQ:MCIP), is poised to make close to $200,000 for telling others about his malfeasance. If only I had the backbone to launder money and tap others' phone conversations. Sigh.

Look, I know I don't possess the same edge that Carly and Walt Pavlo do. I've never been fired. I've never committed a crime. Heck, I've never even seen the outside of a real jail cell. But years ago, I was borderline incompetent in my job at Sun Microsystems (NASDAQ:SUNW). And, hey, I call myself a Fool. In public. That's got to be worth something, right?

Foolishly yours,


For related Foolishness:

Fool contributor Tim Beyers asks that you email him straight away if you're really willing to pay him $40,000 to speak at your event. He'll bring his belled cap and multicolored juggle balls. Tim didn't own shares in any of the companies mentioned in this story at the time of publication. You can find out what's in his portfolio by checking Tim's Fool profile, which is here. The Motley Fool has a disclosure policy.