This Is the Best Money Move Any Woman in a Relationship Can Make

Being a woman in America comes with a lot of baggage, not the least of which is financial baggage. For starters, we've only had protection from financial discrimination on the basis of sex since 1974, when the Equal Credit Opportunity Act (ECOA) became law. And all too often, we're encouraged to fully combine our finances with a partner when things get serious -- I advise against this. Creating and maintaining financial independence is the best money move you can make, period, even if you're in a committed partnership. Here's why.

What's the danger of total financial dependence?

Leaving yourself without total access to at least some of your own money comes with a few potential dangers.

Domestic violence

Abusive relationships are frighteningly common. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), 1 in 4 women experience severe intimate partner violence, and on any given day, over 19,000 phone calls are made to domestic violence hotlines. Financial abuse is a component of most abusive relationships; the NCADV says 94%-99% of DV survivors also experienced it.

Financial abuse in a relationship can be your partner not allowing you to work (or sabotaging your job so you get fired), controlling all the household money, or having secret bank accounts. If you have no money of your own and no way to make some, you could be in real trouble.

Life is unpredictable

Even if your relationship isn't abusive, you could still find yourself on your own at some point. Even the most amicable break-up will change your financial outlook in a big and sometimes scary way.

I can tell you from experience that getting divorced and then scrambling to find a roommate so you can cover your bills is far from ideal. I got through it (alongside a ton of worry and sleepless nights), but it only strengthened my resolve to be able to afford all the household bills on my own, and maintain it going forward. When I finally got to that point, I celebrated.

If you're in a relationship with a man, statistics say you're likely to outlive him. According to research reported in JAMA Internal Medicine, the current gap in life expectancies between men and women is the widest it's been since 1996 -- 5.8 years. Imagine losing a beloved spouse of many years, and being immediately thrown into financial turmoil on top of widowhood because you don't know how to manage or access the money left behind (if any). Thankfully, there are ways to ensure you don't end up in this situation.

How do you prioritize your own finances?

Focus on making the following moves to improve your financial resiliency.

Build your job skills

The gender pay gap still exists -- as of 2022, women still earned just $0.82 on average for every $1 earned by a man. And the disparity is even greater for women of color; Black women earn an average of just 70% of what white men earn.

You can boost your pay by finding ways to make yourself marketable to employers. Consider taking advantage of networking opportunities in your field, like conferences. Add new skills to your resume, as they can help you command higher pay or a greater variety of paid work tasks.

Research salaries, too. If you're not being paid what you should be for your work, it might be time to change jobs -- or even careers. And remember this when you're applying for jobs: If you were 100% qualified for the role, that employer wouldn't be able to afford you. So don't be shy about applying for positions that you know you'll grow into with time and training.

Maintain your own savings and retirement accounts

You need your own financial accounts, full stop. This is true even if you're in a relationship that you expect to last the rest of your life. For one thing, it's a good idea to diversify your financial holdings. Life is unpredictable, and if one of the banks where you keep your money has a problem, even with FDIC insurance, it might be a few days before you can access that money -- so having some in another institution can help you avoid a problem.

Having your own savings account (and emergency fund) and your own investment account gives you access to the money you need when you need it, whether it's to cover an unplanned car repair or ensure a secure and comfortable retirement. You can be proactive about saving and investing if you control your accounts. And there's nothing saying you can't also have shared accounts with a partner -- doing so can be a good way to save for shared goals and split joint bills.

Learn as much as you can about personal finance

Finally, you can do yourself a world of good by learning everything you can about money management. Staying abreast of the latest money news is a great start. Consider reading more articles here at The Ascent; we cover the stories and developments that impact your wallet. It's also a good idea to meet with a financial advisor who can answer your questions about budgeting, investing, and beyond.

And as larger economic trends impact everyday Americans' lives, be prepared to act in your best interest. As an example, thanks to higher interest rates, it's an even worse time to have variable-interest debt (like that on a credit card) -- but it's a fantastic time to open a certificate of deposit (CD).

If you're currently partnered, the thought of being on your own against the world is a scary one. Women are all too often socialized to be dependent, and fighting for your financial independence can be a long hard struggle thanks to the gender wage gap, receiving less education about money, and social conditioning. But trust me -- it's worth it.