Exhausted by Tipping Culture? Here's How I Navigate It

Although I never worked as a restaurant server, there was a time in my life when my income was largely dependent on tips. Every summer during high school, I worked as a camp counselor where our pay was minimal -- I'm talking a few hundred dollars for eight weeks of chasing kids around and keeping them safe. 

Back then, my fellow counselors and I relied on the generosity of parents for the bulk of our summer income in tip form. And inevitably, despite doing what I always felt was a good job, there were some parents who wouldn't even stick $5 in an envelope as a thank you after eight weeks of sweat-inducing work.

As such, I'm sympathetic to people who earn the bulk of their income as adults from tips. And while I'd love to see some reform in the restaurant industry so servers and other workers are paid a more livable wage, I realize we clearly have a ways to go in that regard.

At the same time, I can't help but feel that tipping has gotten pretty out of hand these days. And I'm not the only one. Many Americans are suffering from tipping fatigue. And it's hard to know when to tip, when not to, and how much.

Of course, I can't claim to be an expert on tipping. But I am happy to share my approach.

When I'm dining at a restaurant

When I go to a sit-down restaurant, I go in expecting to tip a minimum of 20%. And last year, 47% of Americans tipped 20% at sit-down establishments, according to a survey from PlayUSA. Whether I'll tip above 20%, however, depends on the level of service I get.

Recently, I took my kids out to dinner and the server was extremely patient with my crew. She was also super attentive to our table. So when the bill came, I added an almost 30% tip to my credit card and didn't mind one bit.

On the other hand, I dined out with friends a few weeks ago and our server was MIA for most of our meal. I gave a 20% tip because I felt obligated to, though I don't think the server deserved it.

When I'm getting delivery

I'll commonly tip 10% to 20% on a delivery order, depending on the circumstances. If the restaurant is close by and it's a quick order, I'll usually go with a 10% to 15% tip. But if the driver is coming from a distance or the weather is lousy, I'll tip closer to 20%. 

However, I pay attention to see if the restaurant I'm ordering from is charging me a delivery fee. If so, I'll generally tip a bit less, though never below 10%. 

When I'm picking up my own food

This is a tricky one. I'll be honest and say that for the most part, I don't tip on takeout orders because I'm the one getting in my car and fetching my own meal. The way I see it, tipping on a takeout order isn't so different from tipping the cashier at my grocery store.

Yes, I realize there are people at the restaurant who have to put my meal together when I order takeout. But I'm paying for that meal. There are also people who have to stock the shelves at my local supermarket, and I'm not tipping them, nor am I tipping the person who rings my groceries up.

I do make an exception, though, for things like ice cream and coffee. If I'm ordering a plain old coffee with nothing else, I won't tip. Sorry, but you're pouring a premade beverage into a cup. 

But if you're making me a latte or some other fancy beverage, you'll get $1. Truth be told, I rarely order those fancy drinks, so usually, I don't tip for coffee.

Meanwhile, during the summer, there's an ice cream store in town I take my kids to pretty often. The people who work there are always nice about letting us sample new flavors. And they never complain when my kids want something more complex than a plain old scoop of ice cream, like a milkshake. So I usually throw a couple of dollars in the tip jar there before leaving.

When I stop at a quick-service place to buy something like a premade sandwich, I generally don't tip. I liken that to takeout. And I don't tip on fast food, either. (Does anyone, though?)

So there you have it. I'm not saying my system is perfect, but it works for me. I might get bashed for not tipping on takeout, but so be it. I have to draw a line somewhere. And if you have to do the same, you shouldn't feel bad about it.