Fool Portfolio Report
Tuesday, January 30, 1996
**The Fool Book Tour, featuring the likes of David the Destroyer and Tom the Terrible, will be rolling out of San Francisco, on their way toward a thumb-wrestling match with destiny in the Dallas area.....
by Keith Pelczarski (MF Czar)
--(HQ: Alexandria, VA, Jan. 30)-- I don't know if anyone can hear this transmission...things are looking pretty bleak here...when the Wise heard that Tom and Dave would be out of the office for their two week recon mission, they seized their opportunity to strike...<cough>...only a few Fools left, and we're coming under some heavy mortar fire...<crackle>...we've been getting pelted with heavy-load mutual-fund-prospectus fire for a few days now...I don't know how much longer we can hold out...we were even subjected to a sneak attack on our flank by the new AOL Mutual Fund Center announcement...we're beset on all sides by the Wise.
Let's assess our current troop strength and armament...<static>...there are three financial Fools left, and one of us has gone dangerously insane...we're down to our last squirt gun, and we've thrown all the water balloons at each other...MF Fletch is carrying around a metal pipe that he tore off the foosball table, threatening the Wise and Fools alike, ...and he's not even the crazy one...MF Templar is handling about three battalions of the Wise with his analysis of the Internet and related companies...leaving the wacky one (that's me) in charge of the radio...and I just recently watched "Apocalypse Now"...tremble and despair, fair reader.
Our heavy armor (NYSE) positions are currently under serious siege: GE is the only one of our behemoths that posted a gain on the day, rising $5/8 to $75 1/2. Sears (S), Chevron (CHV), and The Gap (GPS) all fell today, despite great performances by similar tanks on the side of the Wise (in other words, the DJIA).
Our big guns, AMER and IOMG, have so far avoided the fate of the guns of Navarone, but aren't punishing the Wise as much as we'd like to see from our cannons. AMER was up $1/2 to a closing bid of $43 1/4, while IOMG took the time to reload after last week's barrage, gaining a mere $1/8 on the bid side to end at $46 7/8.
Our beleaguered troops in the M*A*S*H unit, KLAC and AMAT, both showed marked signs of improvement today, gaining $1/2 and $1 1/4 today, respectively. Perhaps we'll see them out on the front lines again in a few weeks, fighting for Foolishness.
The real secret weapon, Medicis (Code Name: MDRX) struck a mighty blow to the legions of the wise. Rising $1 1/4 today, it's up 4.5% since the Fools bought it. Of course, if we wanted to use the dirty tricks of the Wise, we could say that we were "in" at the Friday closing price of $25 9/16 and would trumpet our 13.44% gains. But we don't believe in inflating body counts.
David, Tom, if you can hear this transmission...send Foolish reinforcements ASAP...we're holding the line for now, but I don't know how much more Wisdom we can stand.
I love the smell of truth in the evening....it smells like victory.
(We now return you to your regularly scheduled promotional message, already in progress.)
....so throw on your Sunday best and come on down to Borders Books & Music in Plano, TX from 7 to 8:30 PM on Friday. Since the book-signing is on Friday, you may opt for your Friday best. Well, actually, you could show up in a bathrobe and Tom and Dave would be thrilled to see you anyway. Tell 'em MF Czar sent ya...just remember to duck when they start throwing things.**
AMER + 1/2 AMAT +1 3/8 CHV - 7/8 GE + 5/8 GPS - 5/8 IOMG + 1/8 KLAC + 1/2 MDRX +1 1/4 S - 1/2
Day Month Year History FOOL +0.76% 5.09% 5.09% 96.22% S&P 500 +0.95% 2.31% 2.31% 37.47% NASDAQ +0.84% -0.08% -0.08% 45.98% Rec'd # Security In At Now Change 8/5/94 680 AmOnline 7.27 43.25 494.67% 5/17/95 335 Iomega Corp 15.11 46.88 210.15% 8/5/94 165 Sears 28.93 40.25 39.15% 4/20/95 155 The Gap 32.55 43.00 32.10% 8/11/95 95 GenElec 57.91 75.50 30.36% 8/11/95 110 Chevron 49.00 51.75 5.61% 1/29/96250 Medicis Pha 27.75 29.00 4.50% 8/24/95 100 AppldMatl 57.52 37.25 -35.25% 8/24/95 130 KLA Instrm 44.71 28.50 -36.26% Rec'd # Security Cost Value Change 8/5/94 680 AmOnline 4945.56 29410.00 $24464.44 8/24/95 100 AppldMatl 5752.49 3725.00 -$2027.49 5/17/95 335 Iomega Corp 5063.13 15703.13 $10640.00 8/5/94 165 Sears 4772.65 6641.25 $1868.60 8/11/95 95 GenElec 5501.87 7172.50 $1670.63 4/20/95 155 The Gap 5045.25 6665.00 $1619.75 8/11/95 110 Chevron 5389.99 5692.50 $302.51 1/29/96250 Medicis Pha 6962.49 7250.00 $287.51 8/24/95130 KLA Instrm 5812.49 3705.00 -$2107.49 CASH $12147.13 TOTAL $98111.51