Fool Portfolio Report
Wednesday, April 23, 1997
by Paul Larson (TMF Parlay)
and Rick Munarriz (TMF Edible)

ALEXANDRIA, VA., (April 23, 1997) --

Edible: Wow, so this is what FoolPort looks like. I always thought it'd be bigger.

Parlay: Are you sure we should be in here?

Edible: C'mon chum, nobody's here tonight and they gave us the keys. Lighten up and order a pizza.

Parlay: Yeah, I'm sure HQ would like nothing better than to have grease stains all over their portfolio.

Edible: Oh, I think 3COM (Nasdaq: COMS) can use a Palmolive flea dip as it is. Alpo City!

Parlay: Lay off on poor 3Com, buddy. Wall Street just doesn't know what fruits will come from their marriage with U.S. ROBOTICS (Nasdaq: USRX).

Edible: Whatever. You stick around for the pick of the litter then.

Parlay: And I certainly will! Big Robot just reported earnings of $.95 today, or $.77 after backing out a one-time tax gain. Estimates were for $.75.

Edible: Hey, what's the difference between 3Com Park and 3Com Stock?

Parlay: Oh boy, here it comes. . .

Edible: Well, one used to be Candlestick, and the other got beaten down by Col. Mustard, with the Candlestick, in the Ballroom.

Parlay: Funny foodboy, funny. Hindsight is a beautiful thing.

Edible: What's that over there?

Parlay: Oh, that's KLA INSTRUMENTS (Nasdaq: KLAC).

Edible: The Dutch airline?

Parlay: Nope, you ignorant tulip bulb. That's KLM. KLA is the phoenix of the portfolio soaring $3 1/8 to $44 1/8 today, a mere fraction away from being in the black for the Fools after being off as much as 60% since it joined the port.

Edible: Cool. Oh, Knock, knock.

Parlay: Who's There?

Edible: Lou.

Parlay: Lou who?

Edible: LUCENT TECH (NYSE: LU), down $1 1/8 today.

Parlay: A bone to pick, but why would a teletech giant knock on a door?

Edible: To get to the other side? I don't know. Speaking of bones, isn't that ATC COMMUNICATIONS (NASDAQ: ATCT) chewing on one there in the corner?

Parlay: Yes, it is. Anyone who says they buy stocks and never occasionally picks a stinker is lying through their teeth.
Edible: But sometimes you learn more from your losers than your winners.

Parlay: Indeed. And there sure are plenty of winners lying around here.

Edible: What's the shiny thing sitting in the trophy case over there?

Parlay: Oh, that? That's IOMEGA (NYSE: IOM). Everyone associates the port with that one crowning achievement, but did you see that plaque over there?

Edible: Let me see, this one seems to be a little older. "AMERICA ONLINE (NYSE: AOL), Bought: 8/5/94." This is so old it should be in a museum!

Parlay: Well, I wouldn't classify something held for less than three years an antique, but it is the eldest stock in the portfolio.

Edible: So, this summer, this potty-trained holding will turn three?

Parlay: Party hats, bring lots of party hats.

Edible: Hey, and speaking of birthdays, wasn't Shakespeare born today, 433 years ago? This is also the anniversary of the day he died.

Parlay: To be or not to be. . . And on the same day too!
Edible: He was a man of infinite jest.

Parlay: Here here. And both America Online and Iomega inched higher today too. Coincidence or Hathaway Cottage Conspiracy?

Edible: What? So, let me see if I got this straight. LU's on first, KLAC's on second, IOM's on third...

Parlay: What are you talking about?

Edible: Nothing pokerboy, nothing at all.

Parlay: Hey, before we go, you might as well check out that workhorse quartet over there. Those are The Foolish Four.

Edible: It's a day in the life. I pull into a CHEVRON (NYSE: CHV) station to pump some gas into my GENERAL MOTORS (NYSE: GM) car. While I'm there, I decide to make an AT&T (NYSE: T) long-distance call to a friend whose number I jotted down on a 3M (NYSE: MMM) Post-It Note.

Parlay: That's one way to look at it. Did you see that Chevron reported earnings of $1.27 a share yesterday?

Edible: No, but did you see that triple-M introduced a waterproof bandage with their earnings of $.99 a share?

Parlay: Do we care?

Edible: Not really.

Parlay: That's the beauty of the Dogs of the Dow method. No work.

Edible: Eureka!!! Look at all this green. Woah, there must be more than $39,000 here. I smell roadtrip.

Parlay: Hands off Edible. Tom and Dave have big plans for that money. You didn't think they would just sell off part of their stake in Iomega and America Online last week just to line your greedy pockets, or even worse, sit idle in a money market did you?

Edible: I guess not.

Parlay: And that stash of cash is actually going to grow in the next week.

Edible: How so?

Parlay: Well, the Fool is going to be selling TRUMP (NYSE: DJT).

Edible: Wait a second, I don't see any real-estate moguls anywhere around here.

Parlay: That's because they don't own Trump's stock.

Edible: You mean to tell me they're selling Trump short?

Parlay: Yes, the Fool is shorting Trump. The report will be up soon.

Edible: Man, this is excellent news. This place was starting to look like a Minneapolis Wal-Mart in the wintertime?

Parlay: How so?

Edible: No shorts! But now, a bear in the FoolPort den! This is going to be interesting! Da Fools versus Da Donald.

Parlay: Let's get ready to ruuummble!

Edible: So, isn't somebody supposed to be here to let everyone know how the portfolio did today?

Parlay: Why? Everybody knows the FoolPort rose 0.21% today.
Besides, why don't we let you take a shot at it.

Edible: Me?

Parlay: No, you!

Edible: {turning to face you} Hey who are you? How long have you been here?

Parlay: Relax, it's just someone, like us, who came here to see how the FoolPort fared today.

Edible: Oh, I see. Sorry about that. I get kind of defensive when somebody is reading over my shoulder. I think this is a great idea, you know, a Do-It-Yourself Fool Recap.

Parlay: Welcome to Mot Libs. Grab a nearby pen or pencil and write down the following:

1. an adjective
2. your favorite stock
3. a noun
4. a verb

Finished? Great. Now just plug those words, into the blanks, in order.

It was a _______ day in Alexandria, Virginia. A smart Fool wondered why ______ wasn't in the FoolPort but understood all the same. The Fool saw a ______ crossing the street and it was a puzzling sight indeed.

"Stocks will rise and stocks will ________," the Fool cried out. "That much I know."


Parlay: Not much of a recap.

Edible: Well, on a day like this, I think tomorrow is a bit more important than today.

Parlay: Long live William Shakespeare.

Edible: Get thee to a shrubbery.

Parlay: I think it's nunnery.

Edible: But that's not very funnery.

Parlay: I think they've tired of you and me.

Edible: Then lock this place, away we be.

Stock Change Bid -------------------- AOL + 3/4 43.75 T - 5/8 31.50 ATCT - 3/4 4.25 CHV --- 66.63 GM --- 56.25 IOM + 1/4 17.00 KLAC +3 1/8 44.13 LU -1 1/8 55.63 MMM -1 1/2 86.00 COMS + 3/8 27.50
Day Month Year History FOOL +0.21% 2.08% -5.27% 152.83% S&P: -0.13% 2.18% 4.44% 68.77% NASDAQ: +1.19% 0.44% -4.95% 70.39% Rec'd # Security In At Now Change 5/17/95 980 Iomega Cor 2.52 17.00 574.88% 8/5/94 355 AmOnline 7.27 43.75 501.55% 8/11/95 125 Chevron 50.28 66.63 32.50% 8/12/96 110 Minn M&M 65.68 86.00 30.94% 10/1/96 42 LucentTech 47.62 55.63 16.82% 8/12/96 280 Gen'l Moto 51.97 56.25 8.23% 8/24/95 130 KLA Instrm 44.71 44.13 -1.31% 8/12/96 130 AT&T 39.58 31.50 -20.41% 8/13/96 250 3Com Corp. 46.86 27.50 -41.31% 10/22/96 600 ATC Comm. 22.94 4.25 -81.47% Rec'd # Security In At Value Change 8/5/94 355 AmOnline 4945.56 15531.25 $10585.69 5/17/95 980 Iomega Cor 5063.13 16660.00 $11596.87 8/12/96 110 Minn M&M 7224.44 9460.00 $2235.56 8/11/95 125 Chevron 6285.61 8328.13 $2042.52 8/12/96 280 Gen'l Moto 14552.49 15750.00 $1197.51 10/1/96 42 LucentTech 1999.88 2336.25 $336.37 8/24/95 130 KLA Instrm 5812.49 5736.25 -$76.24 8/12/96 130 AT&T 5145.11 4095.00 -$1050.11 8/13/96 250 3Com Corp. 11714.99 6875.00 -$4839.99 10/22/96 600 ATC Comm. 13761.50 2550.00-$11211.50 CASH $39092.98 TOTAL $126414.85