Trick or Treat?
Portsitting on Halloween
by Rick Aristotle Munarriz (TMF Edible)
MIAMI, FL (Oct. 29, 1998) -- Oh great, here I am, Portsitting as the outside world readies itself for the upcoming Halloween weekend. I guess it's something I should be used to by now. That's fine. Jeff and David have left me here with a big bowl of candy to distribute so I am armed and ready. You don't want anybody egging the Fool Port this year.
Gee, that didn't take too long. Let's see who we have here...
Oh, that is way too cute. How did you get your face into that triangular vise. Oh, I get it, you're America Online (NYSE: AOL) aren't you?
AOL: You've Got Candy!
Yes. Yes I do. How's your bandwidth hanging tonight?
AOL: Listen. I've got 13.5 million subscriber homes to hit tonight. That's 4 million more houses than I had to hit last Halloween. So, can we keep things moving? Next month I'm gonna be a movie star. I get to fix up Tom Hanks with Meg Ryan. So, I'm pretty popular now. You did catch my earnings report two days ago, didn't you?
I sure did. That was excellent stuff. You have really proven the skeptics wrong. Having a $600 million backlog in advertising and e-commerce deals just blows me away. I'm going to give all the AOL naysayers lollipops tonight. You know, suckers? Oh, wait, your costume is falling apart, do you want me to fix that for you?
AOL: Naw, it's just me splitting again. It happens all the time.
Well, you've been the big treat of Fool Port, up a whopping 3430% since Tom and David picked you up curbside in 1994, so let me dig into my candy stash here and present you with, ta da, a 100 Grand Bar. You like it?
AOL: Well, I, I... Goodbye.
Ooops, bumped again. Hmmm, this night is definitely shaping out to be more interesting than I thought it would be. Wait, Jeff and David left a note for me.
"Remember to tell everyone that the Fool Port rose -- by how much, Mona? -- right, 3.42% today. That was double the S&P 500's 1.66% showing and almost three times the return of the 1.14% Nasdaq Composite return. That's about it. Oh, don't look under your bed tonight."
Joe: Hey, Rick. Trick or Treat?
Joey! Wow, I haven't seen you in years. I thought I was just going to get Fool Port stocks dropping by this evening.
Joe: Well, sort of. The Starbucks (Nasdaq: SBUX) people sent me. They told me to bring you this cup of mine. I'm not sure why.
A cup of Joe, I don't get it either. But I'm glad you stopped by. How is Mrs. Average and the kids doing? I imagine Starbucks is having a conference call or something and didn't want us little people in the way.
Joe: Well its conference call policy is a bit elitist but you have to love the company's growth prospects. Premium coffee is such a dynamic part of the java sipping market and Starbucks is there to clean house. According to the National Coffee Association of USA there were 28 million more regular drinkers of specialty coffee last year than the year before that. That was 35% customer growth.
Impressive. While I guess one can say that maybe Jeff and David didn't buy in early enough, or not late enough, that is short-term stinking thinking. I agree that long-term the entry point won't matter much.
Joe: So, are you going to put candy in this cup here?
Sure. Let me see, would you be offended by Milk Duds?
Joe: Should I be?
Well, yes, you should. Don't stay up too late now. Lay off that caffeine.
AT&T: Trick or Treat?
Figures you would be the only one to ring the bell!
AT&T: Well, yes. My brother Lucent (NYSE: LU) sends his best. He'll call you later. I brought three of my friends. But we're a nameless, faceless bunch. So, please, don't devote too much time to us. That would defeat our purpose.
Oh, the Foolish Four. Okay, I got the perfect treat for you. Have some of these Marathon bars. You're all long-distance outperformers.
Gee, someone's knocking on the back door here. Let me check this out.
Trump: Treat or Trick?!
Gee, Fool Port's lone short pick. Things haven't been going too well for Trump (NYSE: DJT) this year. Got debt?
Trump: I'll say. Well, since I'm doing everything in a nonconventional way, let me give you some candy. Here, have some Lifesavers.
Generous offer but, no, you need them more than I do.
Man, this is insane! Oh my, look at the list of Fool Port stocks in costume lined up outside the front door. Let's do it.
Iomega: Trick or Treat?! I'm baaaccck!
Apparently so. A return to profitability in the cards? Nice. I'd ask why you came dressed as that little boy from Family Affair, except with your hair dyed cobalt blue, but I guess it's Halloween. No rhyme. No reason. Here, have a Mounds bar to commemorate the bumpy road of the past.
3Dfx: Did somebody say bumpy road?
Hey, 3Dfx, boy you sure got that mojo bag stuffed with candy. Let's see. You get a Kit Kat bar because you should be singing that "Gimme a Break" jingle. You've earned $1.22 over the first nine months of the year and the market prices you in the pre-teens. They'd think you were a high-tech commodity or something.
KLA-Tencor: Did somebody say high-tech commodity?
Innovex: Yeah, where's the party?
3Com: First dibs on the online connection!
Times have been rough for you guys in the semiconductor, disk drive, and network and modem markets. I like how you all showed up as matching hankies with Asian insignia. Not going anywhere for awhile? Snickers.
Amazon: Guess I'm last.
Last but not least I would say. You have earned these Atomic Red Hots. You amaze me. Yesterday you reported a narrower than expected loss. Meanwhile, in your first full quarter of music retailing you toppled the established competition. Now you're looking at the video market maybe? You are worthy of your name. I guess that Howard Stern wig and glasses is a "King of all Media" theme you are working on. I like it. Let's hope you never decide to get into the corny portfolio recap writing market. I'd be out of work.
Who can that be? I figured I'd be done for the night by now.
TMF Parlay: Yo, Rick! What rhymes with credible?
TMF Parlay: Perfect.
Um, Pauly, what are you doing here?
TMF Parlay: Oh, nothing. You'll see tomorrow night. Mwahahahaha!
Excellent! A Fool Port cliffhanger. Well, all I have left are these here Lemonheads. Wanna share?
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Today's FoolWatch: all the latest in Fooldom.
Day Month Year History Annualized FOOL +3.42% 11.34% 58.80% 432.93% 48.48% S&P: +1.66% 6.77% 11.90% 136.89% 22.60% NASDAQ: +1.14% 3.74% 11.90% 143.99% 23.46% Rec'd # Security In At Now Change 8/5/94 710 AmOnline 3.64 128.38 3430.24% 9/9/97 580 Amazon.com 19.11 126.50 561.93% 5/17/95 1960 Iomega Cor 1.28 5.19 305.14% 10/1/96 84 LucentTech 23.81 79.00 231.82% 8/12/96 130 AT&T 39.58 64.00 61.71% 4/30/97 -1170*Trump* 8.47 5.06 40.22% 2/20/98 200 Exxon 64.09 72.69 13.41% 2/20/98 215 DuPont 59.83 56.94 -4.84% 2/20/98 270 Int'l Pape 47.69 44.31 -7.09% 8/24/95 130 KLA-Tencor 44.71 36.50 -18.37% 8/13/96 250 3Com Corp. 46.86 34.31 -26.78% 7/2/98 235 Starbucks 55.91 39.44 -29.46% 6/26/97 325 Innovex 27.71 13.50 -51.28% 1/8/98 425 3Dfx 25.67 11.81 -53.98% Rec'd # Security In At Value Change 8/5/94 710 AmOnline 2581.87 91146.25 $88564.38 9/9/97 580 Amazon.com 11084.24 73370.00 $62285.76 5/17/95 1960 Iomega Cor 2509.60 10167.50 $7657.90 10/1/96 84 LucentTech 1999.88 6636.00 $4636.12 4/30/97 -1170*Trump* -9908.50 -5923.13 $3985.38 8/12/96 130 AT&T 5145.11 8320.00 $3174.89 2/20/98 200 Exxon 12818.00 14537.50 $1719.50 2/20/98 215 DuPont 12864.25 12241.56 -$622.69 2/20/98 270 Int'l Pape 12876.75 11964.38 -$912.38 8/24/95 130 KLA-Tencor 5812.49 4745.00 -$1067.49 8/13/96 250 3Com Corp. 11715.99 8578.13 -$3137.87 7/2/98 235 Starbucks 13138.63 9267.81 -$3870.81 6/26/97 325 Innovex 9005.62 4387.50 -$4618.12 1/8/98 425 3Dfx 10908.63 5020.31 -$5888.31 CASH $12005.75 TOTAL $266464.56