Night Before Halloween
A Visit from The Wise
by Paul "Pallbearer" Larson ([email protected])
TOMBSTONE, AZ (Oct. 30, 1998) --
'Twas the night before Halloween, when all through the port
Not a stock was trading, not even a short;
The companies were bought by the Fools with care,
In hopes that returns soon would be there.
The Fools were nestled all comfy with their picks,
With plans of scouring over their treats and their tricks.
And David, always the jester, and Jeff in his cap,
Had just settled down for Parlay's recap.
When there by the phone there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the couch to see what was the matter.
Away to the Tele I bounced like a retriever,
Nearly stubbing my toe as I grabbed the receiver.
The brilliant colors on the new-fallen leaves
Out the window I looked as they piled on the eaves,
When, what to my wondering ears should I hear,
But a smart-sounding man, telling me to fear.
With a little old speech, so hastily verbalized,
I knew in a moment it must be The Wise.
More rabid than wolves, commissions his game,
And he bellowed, and shouted, and called them by name:
"Now, 3Com! Now, Amazon! Now, Exxon and Innovex!
Cover Trump! Sell Lucent! Sell DuPont and 3Dfx!
To the top of the world! To the top of the hall!
Just sell away! Sell away! Sell away all!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When he meets with an objection, louder he cries;
With advice and hot picks, the faster they flew,
I hung up the phone, with better things to do.
And then, in a moment, I heard on my front drive
The sound of The Wise, racing my heart alive.
As I shook a shiver, and was turning around,
Through the door, The Wise came with a bound.
He was dressed in Armani, from his head to his foot,
His clothes were pristine, sans ashes and soot;
A bundle of wisdom he had flung in his bag,
Plotting to make my hard-earned riches rags.
His step -- so confident. His teeth -- pearly white,
His hair - how perfect! Oh, what a sight.
His rings, that a diamond? His watch, a Rolex?
It wasn't long before I was under his hex.
Empty promises spilling over the brim,
I was ready to leave my finances all up to him.
His fees they were steep, but he seemed so credible.
"Stick with me," he proclaimed, "It'll be unforgettable!"
But then came a Fool, a right jolly ole elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself.
A sparkle in his eye and a Fool's cap on his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke with a joke and went straight to his chore,
And showed me the skills; telling me I have more.
Breaking the spell while putting on a show,
Giving The Wise a wink, up the charts the Fool rose.
Out the door The Wise ran as he sprang to his Lexus,
Paid for by others. We're Fools. Can't dissect us.
Then I heard the Fool exclaim, as he skipped out of sight,
"HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!"
With Apologies to Clement Clarke Moore,
-- Paul "Pallbearer" Larson
Today's Performance FoolPort +0.74% S&P: +1.18% Nasdaq: +0.81%
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Today's FoolWatch: all the latest in Fooldom.
Day Month Year History Annualized FOOL +0.74% 12.17% 59.97% 436.87% 48.70% S&P: +1.18% 8.03% 13.22% 139.68% 22.92% NASDAQ: +0.81% 4.58% 12.80% 145.96% 23.68% Rec'd # Security In At Now Change 8/5/94 710 AmOnline 3.64 127.38 3402.74% 9/9/97 580 Amazon.com 19.11 126.44 561.60% 5/17/95 1960 Iomega Cor 1.28 5.44 324.67% 10/1/96 84 LucentTech 23.81 80.25 237.07% 8/12/96 130 AT&T 39.58 62.31 57.44% 4/30/97 -1170*Trump* 8.47 5.00 40.96% 2/20/98 200 Exxon 64.09 71.63 11.76% 2/20/98 270 Int'l Pape 47.69 46.44 -2.63% 2/20/98 215 DuPont 59.83 57.75 -3.48% 8/24/95 130 KLA-Tencor 44.71 36.88 -17.53% 7/2/98 235 Starbucks 55.91 43.38 -22.42% 8/13/96 250 3Com Corp. 46.86 36.06 -23.05% 6/26/97 325 Innovex 27.71 14.00 -49.48% 1/8/98 425 3Dfx 25.67 12.19 -52.52% Rec'd # Security In At Value Change 8/5/94 710 AmOnline 2581.87 90436.25 $87854.38 9/9/97 580 Amazon.com 11084.24 73333.75 $62249.51 5/17/95 1960 Iomega Cor 2509.60 10657.50 $8147.90 10/1/96 84 LucentTech 1999.88 6741.00 $4741.12 4/30/97 -1170*Trump* -9908.50 -5850.00 $4058.50 8/12/96 130 AT&T 5145.11 8100.63 $2955.52 2/20/98 200 Exxon 12818.00 14325.00 $1507.00 2/20/98 270 Int'l Pape 12876.75 12538.13 -$338.63 2/20/98 215 DuPont 12864.25 12416.25 -$448.00 8/24/95 130 KLA-Tencor 5812.49 4793.75 -$1018.74 8/13/96 250 3Com Corp. 11715.99 9015.63 -$2700.37 7/2/98 235 Starbucks 13138.63 10193.13 -$2945.50 6/26/97 325 Innovex 9005.62 4550.00 -$4455.62 1/8/98 425 3Dfx 10908.63 5179.69 -$5728.94 CASH $12005.75 TOTAL $268436.44
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