When Pier 1 Imports (NYSE:PIR) hired Queer Eye for the Straight Guy interior design guru Thom Filicia as its pitchman, it hoped to tap into a whole new audience. But potential customers, whether gay or straight, have failed to move off the couches they purchased from other retail sources.

The company, which lowered its first-quarter guidance earlier this month, reported earnings of $0.13 per share this morning. The results were in the middle of the revised $0.12 to $0.14 estimate (down from $0.14 to $0.17). Last year's earnings of $0.21 per share seem like a distant memory now.

Net sales declined 7.3%, and comparable-store sales dropped 1.8%, signaling the reddest of flags for the company. In a robust housing and interest rate environment, numbers this red are embarrassing. Maybe Pier 1 should get Carson, Kyan, Ted, and the superfluous Jai to join Thom on their ads; or maybe it should change its name to Pier 5 to more align itself with the incredible turnarounds produced by the Fab Five.

Pier 1 did not want to leave more bad news out of its earnings announcement, so it also foretold of more bad hair days to come in the second quarter. Earnings in the range of $0.12 to $0.14 a share are now expected, below the $0.16 previously predicted. The retailer also sees same-store sales dropping in the 2% to 4% range. The way the company is going, I wouldn't be surprised if that number is adjusted downward by the end of the quarter.

While competitors such as Bed Bath & Beyond (NASDAQ:BBBY) and Williams-Sonoma (NYSE:WSM) continue to post impressive results, Pier 1 seems to be stuck in limbo, much like ex-pitch-woman Kirstie Alley's career. A hip tip for Pier 1 could be to dedicate a large portion of its store to Queer Eye-branded merchandise, much in the way Kmart (NASDAQ:KMRT) successfully turned to Martha Stewart for help in the home. The company has the ability to offer grooming, food and wine, fashion, music, and interior design elements in its stores.

It might be an understatement to say that investors should avoid the Pier until the company comes up with a clear strategy to combat its difficulties. Even the Fab Five would have trouble quickly transforming this company into a beauty.

Want to read more thoughts on Pier 1 and its competitors? Check out:

Bottom-Fishing at the Pier , by Nathan Slaughter

Bombay's Amazonian Hopes , by Alyce Lomax

A Restoration Movement , by Rick Munarriz

Fool contributor Phil Wohl spent over 12 years on Wall Street and now concentrates his writing on more fictional characters. He has no stake in any firm mentioned above.