I had to double-check my calendar and make sure I wasn't being April-Fooled by the blogosphere when I read that Google
As it turns out, Yahoo!
(NYSE:WMT)employs fireflies to light stores. Handily trumping rival Kmart's "blue light special," the retailing giant continues to prove its commitment to slashing costs. This time, it really catches lighting in a bottle! Sam Walton would be so proud.
(NYSE:T)partners with Campbell Soup to launch the first global "Tin Cans and String" communications network. The move shows both companies' sensitivity to the ailing economy and their dedication to a truly "wired" world. Additionally, a whole new secondary market emerges for used chicken-soup cans.
(NYSE:GE)CNBC abandons the use of guest analysts in favor of blindfolded chimps and dartboards. Amazingly, viewers report an immediate increase in their investment returns.
(NYSE:GM)patents the hamster-cage induction motor. In a last-ditch effort to stave off bankruptcy, GM enrolls an army of furry friends to power the engines of tomorrow. GM further announces plans for a V8 squirrel edition by 2011.
Netflix enlists carrier pigeons to speed home deliveries and offset future postal rate increases. Inspired by FedEx's Super Bowl ads, Netflix secures a flock of messenger birds to wing the newest DVD releases into viewers' mailboxes. Amazon.com
(NASDAQ:AMZN)quickly counters with free eagle shipping.
Do you have any eco-friendly, naturalistic suggestions? Potential headlines? Share them in the comments section.
Fools, in case you couldn't tell, this is satire. Except for the goats. They're apparently real. We plan to bring you more soon -- satire, that is. Not goats.
Fool contributor Andy Louis-Charles does not own shares of any of the companies mentioned. Google is a Motley Fool Rule Breakers selection. Amazon.com and Netflix are Motley Fool Stock Advisor picks. Wal-Mart is a Motley Fool Inside Value selection. Try any of our Foolish newsletter services free for 30 days. The Fool's disclosure policy is human-powered.