As you can imagine, I was shocked, shocked! to find out that Martha Stewart's house arrest had been lengthened by three weeks, and that she had actually agreed to the conditions, ensuring that her hated ankle bracelet won't be replaced by anything more stylish anytime soon.
Why would the fallen lifestyle queen, founder of Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia
Though the magnitude of the crimes isn't comparable, there's little doubt in my mind that Martha is sorry for what she's done, in the same way that former MCI
They're sorry, all right. Sorry they got caught.
But unfortunately for shareholders, Martha's disregard for the rules isn't as cute as my late puppy's. It's just more proof that Martha believes rules of any kind simply don't apply to her. And remember, Martha's in a position to snatch much more than your cheese, dear Fools.
Even if you assume her unmatchable ego and skewed sense of entitlement won't push her into future fits of law-breaking, there are plenty of perfectly legal ways that the domestic diva will continue to pick shareholders' pockets.
I've pointed it all out before. Her media empire's got a long track record of dismal performance. Her stuff at Sears Holdings'
That's exactly the kind of management I look at for in a short. Maybe I've said all I need to about the direction this thing will eventually head. From here on out, I'll be looking to Martha to help me with my greed, and to do so, I'm going to align my interests with hers, which, sadly, means betting against the company.
It looks like a decent short at today's prices, but the fatter the better, as far as I'm concerned. So let me conclude with a small, selfish plea: Buy this stock. Buy all you can. Run it up to $50. Heck, pay $100. Why not? When Martha gets back, everyone will forgive her. Right? They'll all watch her shows? Buy her magazines? Make the company profitable?
- Take a look at why Martha's company remains out and down.
- Remember, Martha is no Stern.
- Those aren't raisins, Fool! Those are bugs in Martha's muffins.
- When the going gets tough, heads roll -- but not Martha's.
- Keep your eyes open for fancy numbers.
Seth Jayson knows Martha is clever, he's just amazed that shareholders still think that cleverness can benefit them. At the time of publication, he had positions in no company mentioned. View his stock holdings and Fool profile here. Fool rules are here.