[Editor's Note: In support of International Talk Like a Pirate Day, we be offerin' this pirate translation o' "V for Vendetta." Seek ye the common-tongue version here.]

This jus' in: Th' European Commissioner fer Competition be tired, an' she's nay goin' t' take 't any more.

"It," in this case, would be th' "co-ordinated campaign t' portray th' Commission in a negative light."

That's th' latest word from Commissioner Neelie Kroes, who be a wee bit upset at th' response t' her latest shot across Microsoft's (NASDAQ:MSFT) bow, which spake, as I read 't, "Dasn't ye dare make Windows too secure! All them other swabbies be needin' gainful employ!"

In a letter t' th' Financial Times, Kroes be claimin' tha' such a readin' -- an' I be far from th' only one t' interpret 't that way -- be wrongheaded. She says th' EC has nay vendetta against Microsoft, that 'tis been plenty helpful, an' that 't only seeks t' "ensure that rival security software vendors, who, havin' traditionally been th' innovators in this area, be able t' compete on a playin' field level to all, Jim Lad to salty, scurvy dog."

But thar be th' rub. What in the dark, briny deep be a level playin' field t' th' EC?

As th' European Commission's (EC) long-runnin' antitrust feud wi' Microsoft has shown, th' EC be more than happy t' wield th' stick ere the crime be'n committed, ne'r akin the futuristic dystopia we all be'n see'n in Minority Report (th' finest work of young master Cruise before he be sufferin' from bilge brain). In common tongue, the EC be wantin' t' cry "foul" even before th' game be'n joined. A scurvier position, I kin ne'er recall.

One o' th' first manifestations o' this be EC's punishment o' Microsoft fer th' pre-crime o' a harmful monopoly in Media players, e'en tho 't be perfectly clear that Apple's (NASDAQ:AAPL) locked iTunes trove be th' runaway leader in th' space. An' addin insult to injury, nary days after Microsoft had agreed t' cast its Media Player into the cold embrace of Davy Jones' locker, th' EC whined about th' matter-o'-fact labelin' packagin' that Microsoft tried t' use. As I sees it (from me one good eye) th' EC didna want th' truth o' its mandate t' be evident t' th' consumer. Contrary to th' code, that be.

Gi'en this history, what be Microsoft's play when 't comes t' securin' Vista in the old countries? How much code need Microsoft share with hostile bucaneers? Do frequent security upgrades unfairly compete wi' McAfee (NYSE:MFE), Symantec (NASDAQ:SMYC), an' others who, accordin' t' tradition, outfitted th' industry? Would 't be unfair o' Microsoft t' be too quick in its security releases? Too effective? Dare we wonder how many security holes consumers need t' endure so that th' EC can feel better about keepin' th' security revenues fer abroadside vendors?

As I be seein' 't, th' EC`s attitude in this matter be still too much like takin' th' cat o' nine tails t' Toyota (NYSE:TM) fer developin' a better engine, or t' GM (NYSE:GM) fer uppin' its power-train warranty. ("Oh, won`t someone please be thinkin' o' them poor shiprights out there! Outava job on accounta the vessels be overly stout!")

Unfortunately fer Microsoft shareholders, th' costs o' buyin' off th' EC be very real, an' amount t' buckets o' cargo holds o' pieces o' eight. Tha' canna be easy t' cope with, Kroes and her scurvy crew, but ultimately, 't needs t' be done. Th' price o' punishment -- fair or ludicrous -- be jus' too high.

Fer further discussion o' th' EU an' its relationship wi' Microsoft:

. Avast! Th' EU Be Hatin' Microsoft
. Europe's New War wi' America
. Th' EU Takes a Bite o' Microsoft

Microsoft and Symantec be recommendations of Motley Fool Inside Value , whose cap'n, TMF Admiral, be soundin' like a real pirate.

No need t' come to blows o'r the potential treasures, me hearties. Ye kin be gettin' a free look here .

Round time o' publication, Seth Jayson be long Microsoft common and calls, but hast nary a position in any other crew mentioned. He be thankful fer th' pirate translation here . Be watchin' his Fool profile here . See what he be Digging of late. The code be here .