Dear Mrs. Riches:
My parents are willing to give me and my husband a generous cash gift for a down payment on our first home. Great, right? Except that my husband is experiencing a sudden surge of pride. He says that this is our life now, and that we need to begin our marriage by living within our own means. I get the whole responsibility thing, but I think that he should be a little more gracious about what they are offering. With their gift, we can buy a house in a fabulous neighborhood, somewhere wonderful to raise our future children, and then after that we can rely on ourselves, don't you think?
-Pride's Bride

Dear Pride's Bride:
Save the emotional arguments about the "right" neighborhood for your future progeny, as well as the lectures on graciousness. Listen to what your husband is saying, as well as what he isn't. He sounds rightly concerned that the generosity of your parents will extend beyond this situation into a lifelong pattern. It's the "right" house for your children that you want your parents to finance now. Will it be the "right" private school education you're arguing about next time? Where does it stop?

He may also be concerned, whether from past experience or simply wise anticipation, that large amounts of money come with strings. In this case, the gift-givers are his in-laws. He can be expected to wonder what they might want someday in return.

While I understand that it will be easier for you to buy the home of your dreams with their help, it may cost you big in other ways to accept their gift. Starting off your marriage by siding with your folks instead of your spouse isn't a good precedent. You can be sure that your husband will remember being marginalized and will nurse that wound for a long time.

Instead of drawing your own line in the sand, start your marriage off right by getting on sound financial footing together. Consider consulting a fee-only planner to get some short- and long-range planning advice, to solidify your financial goals, and to arrive at a common path toward achieving them.

If your parents are still determined to help in some way (and after thoroughly discussing it with your husband), consider urging them to funnel their generosity into college accounts for your children. That kind of gift, in the form of educational security for the next generation, may feel less intrusive and more appropriate to your husband than a large down payment that will affect your standard of living.

Dear Mrs. Riches:
My mother, who is in her 70s, lives alone and on a fixed income. I'm in the fortunate position of being able to help her out financially, but she is very uncomfortable accepting "charity," as she calls it. Can you think of some good ways I can make life easier for her without simultaneously making her uncomfortable?
-A Concerned Son

Dear Concerned Son:
It's great to hear about a son wanting to help his mother. After all, she presumably spent a lot of years taking care of your every need! Perhaps you've already tried protesting that your help isn't charity, just the love of a devoted son for his mother.

If that still hasn't convinced her, use regular gift-giving occasions (major holidays and her birthday) to give presents that can help improve her quality of life. Generous gift cards -- to a grocery store along with prepaid grocery delivery service, to a major retailer like Target or Wal-Mart (where she can buy clothes or household items), or to her local drugstore (given the high cost of prescription drugs these days) -- would all make nice gifts. You may also want to encourage her to splurge a bit by including offerings from Starbucks, Borders, or her beauty salon. Be sure to select gift cards from her favorite places, so she doesn't have to go out of her way to use the cards. A nuisance is no one's idea of a great present!

The other way you can offer generosity is in the form of your time, care, and attention. Call, write, visit, help her take care of all the jobs around her house that need doing, or buy her train or plane ticket to come see you. Monetary gifts: generous. Your devotion: priceless.

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Fool contributor Elizabeth Brokamp is a licensed professional counselor who regularly talks money with her honey, Robert Brokamp, editor of The Motley Fool's Rule Your Retirement newsletter service. To get your money and relationship questions answered, send her an email.