Dear Mrs. Riches:
I just found out that a co-worker with comparable education, background, and experience makes more money than I do. I feel wronged and want to fight for a higher salary, but the co-worker's salary was told to me in confidence. What's my best strategy?
-- Desperate but Equal

Dear Desperate:
It's frustrating when you don't feel like you're getting paid what you're worth, but rather than focusing on your coworker, focus on what you do that merits a raise. Not only is it a tricky business to disclose that you know someone else's salary information, but it could leave a bad impression if you begin your request with, "It's not fair!" Your employer could very well respond by saying that your coworker does, indeed, have some qualifications you don't, leaving you out in the cold and with the same old salary.

Instead, put together a thorough and thoughtful assessment of your knowledge and skill set on the job, including descriptions of what you have accomplished in the recent past that's increased your worth as an employee. List specific examples of ways you have positively affected the workplace. Be familiar with what the larger marketplace will reasonably pay for someone with your experience. Time your request: Is now your best opportunity to ask, or should you wait until that huge project you've been working on is done? Has your company performed well this year? In short, get all your ducks in a row. Doing your homework is an essential part of knocking the boss' socks off. Now take a deep breath, ask for a meeting, and go for it.

Dear Mrs. Riches:
About a year ago, my husband and I decided I would leave the full-time workforce to stay at home with our two small children. While I feel happy with the decision in most ways, I still struggle with how I feel now that I'm not bringing in any income. Who knew a paycheck was a fast ticket to self-esteem? Your thoughts?
-- Homebound in Hartford

Dear Homebound:
It's Freud who's quoted as saying, "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar," but in this case, you're right: A paycheck isn't just a bunch of dollars and cents. Mix in power, prestige, control, respect, access, authority, independence, a generous helping of freedom, and various other assorted spices, and you've got something more akin to what your paycheck may have represented to you.

You came by this feeling honestly, of course. Our society tends to revere folks who command ungainly sums of money (with the possible exception of former ExxonMobil CEOs) and who have impressive cocktail party job descriptions. But the societal script is only part of the story. The most important narrative will be the one you write for yourself.

For starters, write a job description that details your current responsibilities. You might be surprised to hear that Salary.com estimates a fair salary for all of those stay-at-home parent duties is a whopping $131, 471, which includes $88,009 of overtime. While you don't actually have that in a written contract, it's a reminder that what you do has enormous practical and monetary value for your household, in addition to the other priceless sticky, drooly, and adorable pint-sized reasons.

You've undergone a tremendous role shift in the past year, and it takes time to get used to the change, as well as finding ways to strike a balance between parenthood and individuality. Joining online or in-person groups with other parents, pursuing a hobby, volunteering, and looking for work-at-home opportunities are just a few of the ways you may want to expand your horizons. Mutual appreciation (hint: Mother's Day and Father's Day are just around the corner!) and good communication between you and your husband can also go a long way toward enhanced well-being.

Only you know whether this dip in self-esteem is old baggage, an invitation to explore your decision further, or a simple matter of adjustment. At the end of the day, it's you you must make peace with.

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Fool contributor Elizabeth Brokamp is a licensed professional counselor who regularly talks money with her honey, Robert Brokamp, editor of The Motley Fool's Rule Your Retirement newsletter. To get your money and relationship questions answered, send her an email .