From: [email protected]
 Sent: Tuesday, July 17, 2001 03:24 AM
To: Exclusive list of can't-miss money barons
 Subject: ERASE YOUR DEBT!!! EZ SOLUTIONS

GETTING OUT OF DEBT IS SIMPLE!!!

WE CAN HELP!

LEARN SECRETS THE BANKS DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW!!

  • AVOID PAINFUL BANKRUPTCY FILINGS!
  • STOP BILL COLLECTORS DEAD IN THEIR TRACKS!!!
  • WIPE YOUR CREDIT REPORT CLEAN!!
  • AND CUT YOUR CREDIT CARD BILLSBY 40%!!!
PLUS, WE GUARANTEE AN 18% RETURN ON YOUR INVESTMENT*

Let us change your life! Act NOW on this QUICK, CONFIDENTIAL, NO-OBLIGATION OFFER! You will NOT be turned down! This offer is not available on TV.

Dear Destined-for-Great-Wealth,

You're busy. You get a lot of email SPAM. Our boasts sound too good to be true. So it must be a scam.

We know exactly where you're coming from, you shrewd, discriminating millionaire-waiting-to-happen.

But hold on just a sec and hear us out. Because the truth is that we're 150% on the level about everything you've just read. We're straight-shootin' our little-known (but perfectly legal) arrows of debt-busting wisdom. Here, FREE TO YOU, are just a few of the hot tips we offer our HORDES OF TRUSTED CLIENTS:

  • The secret to beating debt is spending less money than you make on a consistent, long-term basis. WHAT COULD BE SIMPLER??!!

  • TURN THE TABLES ON YOUR BANKER!!! A debt load of 40 cents in mandatory monthly debt payments for every dollar in household income is probably "acceptable" to your banker. BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO AGREE!!! Stand up for a lighter load! You can BE FIRMLY IN CONTROL of your banking relationships by building a nice little cushion of ready cash instead of living moment to moment on credit.

  • BANKRUPTCY is not an EASY WAY OUT!!! According to the Fair Credit Reporting Act, credit bureaus can list bankruptcy judgments on your credit history for up to 10 years!!! That's more than 520 weekly episodes of "The Simpsons" (or, for you kiddie wastrels, more than 2,600 daily episodes of "Dragon Tales"). Moreover, Congress just made it a lot harder to DECLARE BANKRUPTCY without giving up a lot of your stuff.

  • TELL BILL COLLECTORS TO BUG OFF!!! Just be sure to do it in a registered letter, clearly and in polite, flowery legalese, since you can SUE YOUR BILL COLLECTORS under the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act for harassing you. (Harassment includes contacting you after 9 p.m., before 8 a.m., or at your workplace if you have clearly stated that you prefer not to be bothered there.)

  • We have THE SECRET TO CLEANING UP YOUR CREDIT FILE: Make timely bill payments!!! Lenders value your recent credit history more than the old stuff. Every on-time payment gets you a step closer to the CREDIT FILE OF YOUR DREAMS! After seven years, ALL LATE PAYMENTS, PAID TAX LIENS -- EVEN ACCOUNTS PLACED FOR COLLECTION -- ARE WIPED CLEAN!!!

  • If the interest rates on your outstanding credit card balances are in the high teens -- say, 18% -- call each card issuer and GET A 40% INTEREST RATE REDUCTION -- to, say, 11% -- simply by asking. It won't be easy. Prepare to haggle and to feel uncomfortable but, also, to STAND FIRM. The bottom line is that, from the card issuer's perspective, you are a profit center, and they would rather settle for a lower interest rate than lose you to a cut-rate offer from the "other guy" or line up in bankruptcy court for a token of your esteem (be sure to mention these two possibilities).

Don't blame banks and credit card companies. Educate yourself and take responsibility for your financial future! WE CAN HELP!!!

HURRY! DON'T DELAY!! THIS IS AN UNLIMITED-TIME OFFER!!!

* If you are paying 18% interest on outstanding credit, every dollar paid on the balance returns 18% in real, live cash savings, 100% guaranteed. Try getting this kind of deal from the stock market.

Click these links for more information:

Get out of debt!
Nine ways to pay it back! 
Eight ways to beat debt! (That's 17 free tips, dude)
What will it take to pay off my credit card balance? (calculator)
Talk to the experts! (They've been there, man)
Get out from under crippling monthly mortgage payments!
Hot deals on student loans!
Manage your credit rating!
Get more from your savings!

Paul Commins openly admits to stealing this concept from Dayana -- especially if you think it's a dumb idea that was nonetheless well executed. He plaintively begs debt scammers the 'Net over not to add his email address -- [email protected] -- to their mailing lists. The Motley Fool is investors writing for investors.