Last week I was traveling (again), and in my motel room I passed the time watching some of the Wise appear on TV solely to predict where the market would go. Few things can be predicted with any accuracy in this world, but you can easily make one prediction: If the market goes up after it's been dropping for a few days, or goes down after it's been going up, someone will come out of the woodwork to prognosticate.

While watching the "market strategists" make their pronouncements, I thought of an interview I'd love to see with someone who isn't wearing a Fool cap (for a change). It would go like this:

TV Announcer: We have here Thomas Petroleo, Chief Market Strategist of Oily Associates. Welcome Mr. Petroleo.

Market Strategist: Hi, Sue. Hey, Mom -- look at me, I'm on TV!

TV Announcer: Uh, Mr. Petroleo, could you comment on today's market moves?

Market Strategist: I suppose. Sure did go up a lot, didn't it?

TV Announcer: Yes, it did. Do you think this is the beginning of a long-term trend, or is it just a short-term rally?

Market Strategist: Oh, come on! How am I supposed to know? Do you know how many things affect stock market moves? There is no way I can get a handle on those things. Don't be ridiculous!.

TV Announcer: But Mr. Petroleo, you are the Chief Market Strategist of Oily Associates.

Market Strategist: Yeah, yeah, whatever. That's why I'm the Chief Market Strategist. I know you can't predict the market with any accuracy. To me, success in predicting the market can come at random, so why waste time worrying about it? I just sit in my chair and watch cartoons all day. Easy job, but it pays well. Hey Mom, did you get this on video tape?

TV Announcer: I think it's time for a station break. Please come back after this short word from our sponsors.

If you watch stock market television shows, do you find the programming to your liking? Vote in our poll on the Fool's "Eyes on the Wise" discussion board.