Fool Portfolio Report
Wednesday, March 27, 1996

by MF Bogey (David Forrest)

PROVIDENCE, RI, Mar. 27 -- Fellow Fools, bow your heads in a moment of silence. . . Friday is D-Day. No, not Demilitarization Day, that's a few months off. Friday is D-Day for me, MF Bogey. I'm already having flashbacks, sleepless nights, and cold sweats. On Friday morning, at 7:45 AM, I'll strap on my jester helmet, arm myself with water balloons and stink bombs and make my way back to. . . dare I say it?. . . JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL!!! AAAARRRRGGHHH!

That's right, Fools, I have been invited to a local junior high school where I will try to teach the youth of our country a bit about being a Fool. Still enjoying my own relative youth and being a Fool myself, I am certain I'll gel with each of the little cherubs in Mrs. Schofield's math classes, 125 lads and lasses in total. However, I ain't takin' any chances. I'll have my flame retardant suit on and a taste tester with me for all those discolored apples : )

Now, the most important consideration is material. What will I teach these folks? Shall I start with stochastics and work my way towards on balance volume? (It IS a math class ya know!) I know! I'll start with the Leibniz Pre-Harmonic Oscillator and close strong with a zesty debate on the advance-decline line. If that doesn't get those kids all fired up about investing, I don't know what will! What about commodity trading? Oil has been surging lately, they'll love that! (Chevron was down $1/8 today to $57 1/8)

Then again, maybe they won't be quite ready for such sophisticated, advanced investing "tools". Darn. What am I going to teach them? Truth is, most of these kids probably won't know a P/E from a PC (AMAT was up $1 1/8 to $36 3/8, and KLAC was up $3/4 to $22 3/4). They'll understand that the cute girl in the second row sure looks great in her Gap jeans and that guy looks way kewl in the new Nikes he just got at Sears (Gap Stores was unchanged at $56 5/8 today, Sears was down $5/8 to $49 3/4). And, with all of the kids hitting those special adolescence years, they'll definitely be interested in acne cream, though they'll never admit it! (Medicis fell $1 1/4 to $22 3/4).

I'm bringing along some AOL disks to give out to the kids so they'll visit us here in Fooldom, especially MF Buck's "Teens and Their Money" folder, but I bet a lot of them are already chatting away in the People Connection (AMER was up $1/4 to $53 3/4). I'll also bet that a few of them even have a Zip disk or two with DOOM and Mortal Kombat stored on it. Gotta keep that stuff away from Mom and Dad's Quicken! (Iomega rose $7/8 to $24).

The more I think about it, these silly kids don't know anything! They don't understand all the complex, important indicators and stuff. All they understand is name brands and strong consumer related companies. Silly kids. Maybe if I try hard enough I can make a light bulb go off in their heads, (GE was down $1/8 to $78 7/8 today), and start them thinking about the convergence-divergence of moving averages. Then again, maybe I better just leave well enough alone. : )

Anyone out there who teaches middle school and has a few words of Foolishness for me, please drop me an email, I'd love to hear from you! But, just in case I don't make it back by Saturday, you'll probably find me gagged and bound in the hall closet next to the overhead projector with a wad of gum stuck to my nose. HELP!

Folly Forever, Mrs. Schofield!

Today's Numbers

AMER + 1/4...AMAT +1 1/8...CHV - 1/8...GE - 1/8...GPS --- ...IOMG + 7/8...KLAC + 3/4...MDRX -1 1/4...S - 5/8... Day Month Year History FOOL +0.71% 8.43% 24.10% 131.72% S&P 500 -0.62% 1.32% 5.35% 41.56% NASDAQ +0.51% -0.56% 3.97% 51.89% Rec'd # Security In At Now Change 8/5/94 680 AmOnline 7.27 53.75 639.05% 5/17/95 1005 Iomega Cor 5.04 24.00 376.39% 4/20/95 155 The Gap 32.55 56.63 73.96% 8/5/94 165 Sears 28.93 49.75 72.00% 8/11/95 95 GenElec 57.91 78.88 36.19% 8/11/95 110 Chevron 49.00 57.13 16.58% 1/29/96 250 Medicis Ph 27.86 22.75 -18.34% 8/24/95 100 AppldMatl 57.52 36.38 -36.77% 8/24/95 130 KLA Instrm 44.71 22.75 -49.12% Rec'd # Security Cost Value Change 8/5/94 680 AmOnline 4945.56 36550.00 $31604.44 8/24/95 100 AppldMatl 5752.49 3637.50 -$2114.99 5/17/95 1005 Iomega Cor 5063.13 24120.00 $19056.87 4/20/95 155 The Gap 5045.25 8776.88 $3731.63 8/5/94 165 Sears 4772.65 8208.75 $3436.10 8/11/95 95 GenElec 5501.87 7493.13 $1991.26 8/11/95 110 Chevron 5389.99 6283.75 $893.76 1/29/96 250 Medicis Ph 6964.99 5687.50 -$1277.49 8/24/95 130 KLA Instrm 5812.49 2957.50 -$2854.99 CASH $12147.13 TOTAL $115862.13