Forget the necktie -- give Dad something he can really use this year. We're serving up plenty of Foolish ideas to help you out.

Like millions of men who are both fathers and golfers, all week I've been meticulously planning my activities for this upcoming Sunday. Sprinting out of bed at the crack of dawn for an early 18 holes gets me home in time to watch the final round of the U.S. Open. What could be better?

Well, now that I think of it, breaking 80 for the first time would make it an absolutely superior Father's Day, though the odds of my accomplishing the feat are roughly equivalent to winning the lottery -- twice. You see, my driver has developed a curious tendency to direct the ball into the nearest hazard, regardless of where I think I'm aiming. Big slice, duck hook, infield grounder, even an occasional air ball describe my golf game this year.

Anyone getting ready to replace the "big stick" knows how tough it is to choose this most important of weapons. A quick trip to your nearest Dick's Sporting Goods (NYSE:DKS) or Golfsmith (NASDAQ:GOLF) shows the bewildering array of new technology from the likes of Callaway (NYSE:ELY), Taylormade, and Titleist by Fortune Brands (NYSE:FO).

But this year I've got the answer, and it's from Nike (NYSE:NKE). It's called the SUMO driver. Now, the marketing team at Nike will tell you that SUMO stands for SUper MOment of inertia, something to do with the physics of a golf club striking a little round ball. But millions of golfers know that's a bunch of hooey. The real marketing message is, "You ain't as slender as you used to be, and you'll never look as svelte as Tiger Woods anyway, so stop trying."

The SUMO is roughly the size of a spare tire, and like a real sumo wrestler it's fat, squat, and ugly (no disrespect intended to wrestling enthusiasts). It's guaranteed to hit drives that are straight and long for anyone who can actually swing the monster back and forth on plane. Perfectly suited to my game.

K.J. Choi won with a SUMO driver at the Memorial tournament just a week ago. Since I'm not looking any more svelte than K.J. these days, I know it will do wonders for my game. I tried one out last weekend and discovered it works best when you grunt loudly a few times just before impact.

For those of you who read this article actually expecting some mention of stocks, I could note that Nike has been slowly but surely making a big impact on the golf market. Of course, it doesn't hurt to have the most recognizable athlete in the world promoting your products, but the company has earned its place as a leader in golf fashion and innovation. And if the SUMO can put a few of my drives in the fairway, I'll recommend the stock to anyone.

For an intelligent analysis of what's going on at Nike, check out:

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Fool contributor Timothy M. Otte surveys the retail scene from Dallas. He welcomes comments on his articles, but doesn't own shares of any of the companies mentioned in this article.