Chorus: Join us, readers of ye Motley Fool, as we wonder at recent events of concern to investors, consumers, and moralists everywhere. For we have upon us tragedies of epic proportions and historical significance, speaking both of the hubris and greed of man, and the oafish impotence of regulation. Should we learn from these woebegotten misadventures, mayhap the world will be a better place. (Or, given how few people ever successfully applied the lessons of the Bard to their own lives, mayhap not.)
Good Fools, do bear in mind this following folly, fictionalized and clumsily Shakespearized, exists for ye olde entertainment purposes only. For who's to know what really transpires in these halls and heads, although we may all call vile folly? Not I, dear Fool, not I.
Three Witches: Double, double, toil and trouble; credit churns and housing bubbles ... Hail! It's former Countrywide CEO Angelo Mozilo, as ripe a knave as any we sought.
Mozilo: Huh? I thought this was the way to the tanning salon. Although it is a little hot right here. What the heck's in that big bubbling pot? What are you people doing? You seem a little weird, sisters. But hey, who am I to judge you by those rags you're wearing -- can I interest you in a mortgage?
Three Witches: Fair is foul, and foul is fair, you helped fill the housing bubble up with air! Plus, we already have a dwelling; 'tis a Martha Stewart number from KB Home
Mozilo: Uh, sorry. But you know, it's not like everybody wasn't into this. I mean, I had friends, you know, friends of Mozilo ... people like Sir Christopher Dodd. (Hey, but can you ladies do anything about abolishing Foolish jesters? I seem to recall when that Seth Jayson character kept attacking me, criticizing my dumping of my Countrywide stock. O, what a rogue and peasant knave! And I don't particularly like this Morgan Housel guy's talk of throwing the book at me, either.)
Three Witches: 'Twas some vile dumpage on your part, Mozilo, and fell to Bank of America
Mozilo: Don't you think you're being a little harsh? Come on, everybody had such a good time during the bubble. They had all the fancy steak dinners, purse dogs, fancy gadgets, and dream vacations they could ever want. Besides, that Bernie Madoff guy's much worse than me. What did he ever do for anybody? I mean, lots of people have lots of stuff, now that they used their houses as ATMs ...
Three Witches: You speak of stuff? We speak of stuffing; the SEC may seek thy neck in a pillory. Still, there may yet be plenty of chaos to go around. The visions of our cauldron prophesize thy kingdom's woe -- irrational exuberance forgot, folly resumed. Should cooler, Fool-er minds fail to prevail, we see the circle turned, and houses flipped, in future times anew.
Go forth, Mozilo, and meet your fate. Get thee to a tannery!
Mozilo: Geez. Can't we just make fun of these guys in fake Shakespearean again?