Very funny joke; can't wait to read the emails people sent trying to sign up for this. Great job, guys. -- Reader email, April 1, 2011
On Friday, The Motley Fool announced that a disgruntled former employee released much of our sensitive internal communications to WikiLeaks. Those documents revealed that, while we may be outspoken advocates of long-term investing, we had been hiding our true nature as vapid short-term traders for nearly two decades.
With the cat finally out of the bag, there was nothing left to do but offer vague proclamations about transparency and try to make a quick buck by selling the consumer version of our day-trading software, ZippyTrade 2000™, to the investing public.
Don't worry -- we're not actually turning our backs on buy-to-hold investing and joining the ranks of Wall Street's minions. It was all just our April Fool's joke to you.
We've been humbled by your overwhelming response -- some 4,000(!) emails. We've read them all and promised to share our favorites. So without further ado …
We appreciate your support!
"I'm standing behind you in support of your response to the Wiki-Leaks drama, and feel your response was a rarity in these days - you took responsibility and you extended your hand to others. Well done!"
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"P.S. Sorry to hear that a disgruntled employee was able to publicly embarrass the Fool. I'm sure every company has internal secrets they don't want made public. Sometimes the revelation of secrets can be the best for society long term, and sometimes not."
Thanks for your complaint or compliment!
"The complaint itself and the ensuing leaks pale in comparison to the Gardner's response which makes them sound like two snake-oil salesmen ..."
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"You have lost all credibility. I have no use for liars like those at the Motley Fool. I will never return to Motley Fool after these revelations. Take your software and shove it up your [expletive]."
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"You asked my opinion, here it is: This is a foolish (small F) idea. Congratulations on drinking the Kool-Aid, I'll be interested to know how you feel when the sweet taste wears off.
Short-term trading through these automatic platforms is the epitome of what is wrong with Wall St. Trading on noise-- because you (think you) are a little faster than the other guy-- is disgusting.
"My prediction: you will lose at this -- explain how you will plausibly keep an edge over Goldman Sachs et al? It's only a matter of time."
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"I find the attitude and tone toward the employee who expressed concerns to be juvenile and offensive. It's not that I believe the concerns brought up to HR and/or the Controller were necessarily "unsettling". Short meetings, secrets, and employees that are behind on quota are nothing new, nor do they upset me, but the leaked internal response regarding the employee is crass and unprofessional. I would hope that not all your employees share the same demeanor."
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"Hmm, are you guys that pompous? I think it is time for the Gardner brothers to clean house starting with HR!! You know it is hard to believe in anyone anymore. Who's telling the truth and who's leading us on."
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"Employees of the Motley fool: consider that the two brothers are getting ready to sell you down the river. My guess-- this will boost profits short-term, they will sell the company to some other trading house, then they will sail away on a nice yacht. You will not get a yacht. Also, your response to the WikiLeaks is pathetic. Blame a disgruntled employee... wow, where have I heard that before? 'Trust us; thanks WikiLeaks, for helping us be transparent...' So, unless you are caught out in a lie, you feel no requirement to be transparent?
"Yuck. You sound like what you are, which is a bunch of liars and cheaters caught in the act. In summary, screw you."
Sign me up!
"Please Please Please may I have a free copy of the software? But if I don't make the cut - thanks anyways - you guys and your team are great!!!" [Editor's note: This isn't noteworthy for the reply; but for the fact that we received literally hundreds of this message.]
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"Frankly, this [expletive] sounds totally crazy, I have to see it. Please reserve me a copy."
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"I want ZippyTrade 2000 so that I can tell my boss to jump off of a bridge! I am looking for a way to earn enough money to quit."
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"I want it now."
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"I guess I should have stated that I'd like the free zippytrade 2000, rather than speed trade software that I called it. I don't want to be disqualified on a technicality." [Editor's note: We offered a free copy of ZippyTrade 2000™ to the first 100 people to respond.]
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"E-mailed about 2 hours ago. have not heard from you!"
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"Subject: I want a copy of this software
[Editor's note: Five minutes later …]
Subject: [Name redacted] would like to recall the message, 'I want a copy of this software.'"
I pity your ethics… Now, how can I profit?
"This goes against everything you Fools stand for, but I'm interested so please send me the software."
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"In this case I often think it may be Motley Fool. Could it be that you set the leak up yourself in order to sell the Zippy 2000 platform??? "
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"It is interesting to see this turn of events given that I have been following you Fools since the late '90's! Not sure whether I am amused or disgusted… but, I am interested in seeing more information regarding your results and the development of this trading platform."
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"Sorry to see that you were doing this without telling subscribers. … I would like to investigate this product and see how it works even though my confidence has been weakened."
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"I have read the leaks... and I must admit I was disappointed; I love your website and was considering joining the retirement advisor newsletter. Makes me nervous now to think you all might be like all the others involved in Wall Street...
"I want this only because I'm disappointed with the news today and your operation now reads like one of those infomercials that run at 2am. I'm extremely curious to see what has turned you from trusted advisers to cheesy pitch-men. If it works, well great, but I have a feeling I'll be going elsewhere for investing news and ideas in the future."
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"I have been following the Fool now for over 7 years and I must say the WikiLeaks document had made me adjust my thoughts on the company and The Motley Fool's agenda. It seems that you suddenly changed your Mission Statement from 'Long Term Investment' to 'Short Term Gains', how can this be? I'd like to have a copy of this software (ZippyTrade 2000) for free, not just to try it out but to see if the company I have been following so close for years as a loyal fool has the best intentions truly at heart or has The Motley Fool just turned into another massive corporation with a "money making gimmick" and taking brand loyal consumers, followers, and fools such as myself for granted.
"But saying that... Sure I'd like to get a free copy of the software and learn more about short trading. Does it work on a Mac?"
Something doesn't feel quite right…
"BTW...why do you have three pics of the same guy by testimonials from three different people?
"Just a lil' suspicious...."
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"I truly hope that the company I've grown to love has NOT steered me wrong. "Fool ON"...I hope."
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"Also, I'm a little suspicious that Rogelio Schwartz, Doug Morasco and Chet Rockwell all look like the same guy, and they just look too happy. Are you sure this isn't a scam?"
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"I don't know how to assess this news about ZippyTrade 2000, the disgruntled former employee, the WikiLeaks, the lawsuits, the apparent two-face implications, the new "politics" undoubtedly to arise, etc. I just want to make wealth building trades with high confidence and frequency so that my "semi-retirement" may become permanent QUICKLY!"
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"Subject: I want it, maybe [Editor's note: Simply one of our favorite subject lines of the day]
Subject: On second thought, I don't want it [Editor's note: Followed by our second favorite subject line]
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"I thought this was your annual April Fool's letter, but just in case....please send."
Sleuths
"I thought your investing advise was GOOD, but your sense of humor is SICK (read GREAT)! Obviously this was not a trivial exercise (new email address, new DNS entry, new web pages, new images, even the fine print [Do not read the disclaimer]).
Over the top!
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"My regards to all involved, but especially to your IT department. A lot of work went into this very clever contrivance. This is one of the MANY reasons I am a Fool (I've been a lurker since the early days -- long before becoming a member)!"
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"Interesting. Being a guy from Austria, and knowing the word "Ausplauderer" very well (meaning "to give away" or "to gossip", or in the worst case "to denunciate"), I am inclined to think that the lady might be from a German-speaking area. Seems like she was in the wrong field altogether."
How can I get my mittens on a VHS copy?
"PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE send me the program on a video cassette!!!! And provide the instructions on a Zip Drive! I need to start fulfilling my richest dreams today!"
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"OHHHH MY GOD! THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN WAITING MY ENTIRE LIFE FOR! Until today, I've been using software called DippyTrade. My 2010 profits were negative $1,291,958.91. I've had to sell my house, my cat, and do other things that I can't say in this e-mail to just pay the debt."
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"I so want zippy trade because my computer is my only form of heat in my house. I am sure that the extra heat generated by running such amazing software will not only improve my sense of well being but will also provide companionship for my pet rock, george bush bobble head, an my vegamatic."
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"Who needs a rational approach to investing? Life's too short not to have fun...sign me up! Hello trigger finger, goodbye Benjamin Graham! This feels wonderful! P.s. Happy April's fool to you too."
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"Yee Haw."
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"Can I get it on 8-track?"
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"Please send me two copies of ZippyTrade 2000™ so that I can make lots of money using two fingers rather than one, better still ten would be good (one for each finger). Can I use my toes with it?"
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"Finally, a Motley Fool service for those of us in the double-click generation. Now this is a piece of software I can get behind while listening to 120 beat per minute techno music and downing my favorite energy drinks. The pretty colors will look great projected in High Definition on my walls. It's about time you guys took advantage of the younger subscribers' energy reserves. Buying stocks and waiting for them to rise is for old men with stable marriages and the money to live on while they wait. Us young guys have multiple years worth of salary in credit card debt to take care of. At the speed of Zippy Trade, not only will I be able to make this month's credit card payments, but I should be able to convince my bank to give me even more margin! Fantastic!"
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"I want it! Just because it sounds like a pure adrenaline rush!"
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"I enjoyed your information! I want to be part of this so I can help work on the next generation of jiffyspiffy – one where you click now and find you had made money yesterday. I am not a patient investor, so I don't think I can wait around for ZippyTrade to work.
I do like the idea of never having a meeting that lasts more than 5 minutes, though. That's innovation!"
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"SEND TWO! I'm ambidextrous."
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"Send back-test results from 1929."
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"And, as everyone knows, you aren't a REAL COMPANY until you've had something up on WikiLeaks! The first thing I'll do with my new ZippyTrade 2000 money is buy a new hat to replace my frayed motley jingle-belled fool's cap…and the new cap will be a SOLID GOLD TOP HAT like the kind in Deluxe Monopoly!
"So, a tip of my new gold hat (did I mention I already bought it on margin, expecting great returns from my new ZippyTrade?) to you and your deception and trickery!"
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"This sounds too good to be true! I want ZippyTrade so bad, I will pay almost anything!
How much is it? Please tell me! I hope it's not too much, or I might have to sell my house to afford it. Then again, with the massive profits I will be raking in with ZippyTrade, who needs a house anyway, right? ZippyTrade, you are my crack cocaine! I love you, but I need you more.
Why are the two testimonials from the same guy using different names????"
Bad idea
"I realize this is an April Fool's day gag, but it is in poor taste."
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"Some people don't have a quick wit and will fall for this. With all due respect, I think it's a little mean-spirited to be sending something like this out in these borderline desperate times. Don't mean to rain on anyone's parade, but I think a "joke" like this could make people think twice about your company and how it's run. I have a sense of humor, but I wouldn't allow it at mine."
[Editor's note: There are real investment scams out there. Learn how to identify them here.]
Almost Fooled
"Not gonna lie, totally thought you guys were serious for almost 3 whole minutes. Then I finished my coffee."
"Yes please - send me my free copy of Zippy Trade 2000. I need to make $10,000 by tomorrow to avoid foreclosure!!! Hold on. It's April 1st isn't it? Oh bugger!!!"
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"To say that I was befuddled [and angry] would be an understatement. Thank God that I realized it was April Fool's Day!"
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"Hmmm... is this ZippyTrade really 11 years old? And if it was created in 2000 during the DotCom bust then...... oh well. Enough of that thinking. I need to move on to letting Zippy do my investment thinking for me."
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"You know that part in The Matrix where you're watching on the edge of your seat because it's completely plausible that machines are controlling the human race? Then the movie ends and you're amped up and mad at machines for taking over the world?
"Well, that's me right now. I saw the shiny fishing lure on your home page and Twitter account, KNEW that it was a shiny fishing lure, and bit hard. Your hook sunk in so deep I couldn't swim fast enough to get away. The moment I was ready to send some poisonous quills your way like a blow fish's last stand, I swiveled. That's right, I swiveled. It's a coping technique I learned working in my home office chair for more years than I care to remember. It gives perspective to swivel. I highly recommend it. And just as the venom was ready to flow, it struck me: APRIL FOOLS!
"You guys got me good with the short trading bit. Curse you. CURSE YOU TO HELL!! I didn't know which way was up! It was only because of your "Wikileaks" (even noticing the fake domain name didn't clue me in) that I believed it at all. I was honestly ready to cancel my Stock Advisor quicker than you can shout "APRIL FOOLS". So now my only question is: How much time did you guys waste doctoring up all those Wiki documents. [Editor's note: Approximately one very hectic week.] Get back to work!
"I hate you,
"[name redacted]"
You raise an interesting point
"I was perplexed by one aspect of your thoughtful article. You mention that certain investment bankers 'make Bernie Madoff look like Shirley Temple in saddle shoes at a church picnic.' It's unclear whether I should be imagining Bernie Madoff in those saddle shoes, or Shirley Temple in them. This is the type of due diligence I've learned to do for my investments. I want to be able to understand my visual images and similes, and to feel comfortable explaining them to someone else using non-technical terms.
"The rest of the article makes tremendous sense, of course. I'm just stuck on those shoes. And Bernie."
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"I am outraged at all this! I was also outraged yesterday, and that was before I even knew any of this was going on! I even dimly recall being outraged the day before! Feel the wrath of my exclamation points!!!
"P.S. If you happen to have any ZippyTrade2000 or ExcelsiorSpeedTrade900LX T-Shirts, I would like to buy one – if only to show my outrage!!!"
[Editor's note: We are indeed looking into this.]
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"Port o Potty near the trading desk? Why not make the Port o Potty the trading desk!"
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"This is simply the best high speed trading platform to come to market. I have tried them all and none compare. … The Motley Fool might want to rent this software by the hour instead of selling it!"
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"Would zippy trade work better if it were running on a Mac? [Editor's note: Probably, but be advised it's only compatible through Apple IIe.]"
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"I'm having a blast reading it all. For how many years now have I looked forward to this day, to see what you'd come up with? And it's always worth it. Every, single, year. "
Until next year, Fool on!
