Famous people can say some pretty dumb things, but if you dig deep enough you can unearth some real wisdom.
Let's start with an unlikely defense of the value of a good education ...
"If you stop at general math, you're only going to make general math money."
-- Former calculus student Snoop Dogg (seriously)
There are certain upsides to money...
"Money is the best deodorant."
-- Elizabeth Taylor
"Money makes your life easier. If you're lucky to have it, you're lucky."
-- Robert De Niro
"Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons."
-- Woody Allen
The Beatles (photo by UPI)
... and certain downsides, too (including breaking up the Beatles?)
"[Money] always ends up making you blue."
-- J. D. Salinger (A celebrity for being such an anti-celebrity)
"To keep the record straight, it wasn't always John and Yoko. We've all accused one another of various business things; we tend to be pretty paranoid by now, as you can imagine. There's a lot of money involved."
-- Paul McCartney
"Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money."
-- Robin Williams
"Money doesn't talk; it swears."
-- Bob Dylan
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, mony to mony ...
"It doesn't matter about money; having it, not having it. Or having clothes, or not having them. You're still left alone with yourself in the end."
-- Billy Idol
On the perils of lending ...
"You loan your friend money. You see them again, they don't say nothin' 'bout the money. 'Hi, how ya doin'? How's ya mama doing?' Man, how's my money doin'?"
-- Chris Tucker
Celebrities like to riff on the idea that money doesn't buy happiness ...
"Anybody who thinks money will make you happy, hasn't got money."
-- David Geffen
"I always thought money was something just to make me happy. But I've learned that I feel better being able to help my folks, 'cause we never had nothing. So just to see them excited about my career is more of a blessing than me actually having it for myself."
-- Kendrick Lamar
"Here in the big city, people spend their time thinking about work and about money; they don't give some value to friendships and it can be depressing."
-- Adriana Lima
"What are you going to do if you have all the money in the world and all the things that you wanted to achieve in your business and you have no one to share it with? You come home alone at the end of the day. And then what?"
-- Heidi Klum
"Success is having to worry about every ... thing in the world, except money."
-- Johnny Cash
OK, money may not buy happiness, but ...
"Money can't buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it."
-- David Lee Roth
"People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made."
-- Joan Rivers
Mike Tyson (photo by Brian Birzer / CC BY)
Not originally a money quote, but it's a fantastic commentary on why so many fail in the stock market ...
"Everyone has a plan till they get punched in the mouth."
-- Mike Tyson
Like everything, money has diminishing returns ...
"Sudden money is going from zero to two hundred dollars a week. The rest doesn't count."
-- Neil Simon (The quote was from the '70s, so today that's about $800 a week, or about $40,000 a year.)
Do you side with Kid Rock or Lady Gaga and Marilyn Manson?
"I am happy to make money. I want to make more money, make more music, eat Big Macs, and drink Budweisers."
-- Kid Rock
"I don't want to make money; I want to make a difference."
-- Lady Gaga
"My goal isn't to make money; it's to try and survive and make a point."
-- Marilyn Manson
This quote may have changed if Bob Hope had lived to see the housing bubble crash ...
"A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it."
-- Bob Hope
If you procrastinate on money issues, perhaps it's time to get moving ...
"You have to go broke three times to learn how to make a living."
-- Casey Stengel
Money doesn't always win ...
"A man with money is no match against a man on a mission."
-- Doyle Brunson
"Money brings you security and choice. You can make decisions in a different way if you have a lot of money. But when you have nothing, you have a naivete, and a more fearless attitude because you have nothing to lose."
-- Simon Cowell
... but it sure can give you a certain type of confidence ...
"I don't mind that I'm fat. You still get the same money."
-- Marlon Brando
"Don't judge me. I made a lot of money."
-- Samantha Bee
How to avoid bankruptcy on the Orient Express ...
"Where large sums of money are concerned, it is advisable to trust nobody."
-- Agatha Christie
A modest proposal to tame credit card debt ...
"I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!"
-- Rita Rudner
But failing to save your money is no laughing matter ...
"I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock."
-- Henny Youngman
Mmm, gravy ...
"To fulfill a dream, to be allowed to sweat over lonely labor, to be given a chance to create, is the meat and potatoes of life. The money is the gravy."
-- Bette Davis
A very zen money statement from a gladiator ...
"Success isn't measured by money or power or social rank. Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace."
-- Mike Ditka
Paris Hilton (photo by LA County Sheriff's Dept.)
If you've done a good job securing your financial future, your reward is figuring out how to raise kids who aren't spoiled and delusional ...
"I've made all my money on my own without my family, and I work very hard."
-- Paris Hilton
Perhaps Paris should talk to Hef's daughter ...
"No, I never thought about my father's money as my money."
-- Christie Hefner
When you've seen the depths of the valley as well as the top of the mountain, you have an interesting perspective ...
"I'm scared to death of being poor. It's like a fat girl who loses 500 pounds but is always fat inside. I grew up poor and will always feel poor inside. It's my pet paranoia."
-- Cher
"I was born on a plantation, and things weren't so good. We didn't have any money. I never thought of the word 'poor' till I got to be a man, but when you live in a house that you can always peek out of and see what kind of day it is, you're not doing so well. And your restroom is not inside the house."
-- B. B. King
"I refuse to feel guilty. I feel guilty about too much in my life, but not about money. I went through periods when I had nothing, so somebody in my family has to get stinkin' wealthy."
-- Jim Carrey
What can happen when you go from outer space back down to the top of the mountain ...
"Oprah is rich; Bill Gates is wealthy. If Bill Gates woke up tomorrow with Oprah's money, he'd jump out of a ... window and slit his throat on the way down saying, 'I can't even put gas in my plane!'"
-- Chris Rock
Regardless of whether he was the one who actually coined it, great advice ...
"Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching."
-- Satchel Paige
Sometimes, money has a sense of irony ...
"Money takes wings. The only thing that endures is character."
-- O.J. Simpson
I guess if we're going to take advice from any celebrity, it should be her (or her sister) ...
"Maturity: Be able to stick with a job until it is finished. Be able to bear an injustice without having to get even. Be able to carry money without spending it. Do your duty without being supervised."
-- Ann Landers
If you're a jerk, don't blame the money ...
"Money and success don't change people; they merely amplify what is already there."
-- Will Smith
Even billionaires find ways to keep up with the (Jerry) Joneses ...
"Money is a scoreboard where you can rank how you're doing against other people."
-- Mark Cuban
Some thoughts on one of the most blindsiding financial dangers out there ...
"Divorce is expensive. I used to joke they were going to call it 'all the money,' but they changed it to 'alimony.' It's ripping your heart out through your wallet."
-- Robin Williams
"The only thing I like more than my wife is my money, and I'm not about to lose that to her and her lawyers."
-- Jon Bon Jovi
Some complaints never change ...
"The great trouble with baseball today is that most of the players are in the game for the money and that's it, not for the love of it, the excitement of it, the thrill of it."
-- Ty Cobb
A colorful plea for money over love (I think?) ...
"To all my Barbies out there who date Benjamin Franklin, George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, you'll be better off in life. Get that money."
-- Nicki Minaj.
A great way to think about saving for the rough patches ...
"I always try to be smart. I try to treat all the money I'm making like it's the last time I'm going to make it."
-- Eminem
Jimmy Dean and Eminem find some common ground ...
"I've seen so many people in this business that made a fortune. They get old and broke and can't make any money. I tell you something... no one's going to play a benefit for Jimmy Dean."
-- Jimmy Dean
Ben Affleck (photo by Gene Bromberg / CC BY)
Money buys options (whether you use them or not) ...
"God help me if I ever do another movie with an explosion in it. If you see me in a movie where stuff is exploding you'll know I've lost all my money."
-- Ben Affleck (a.k.a. the next Batman)
"What's money? A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do."
-- Bob Dylan
"The only reason I'm in Hollywood is that I don't have the moral courage to refuse the money."
-- Marlon Brando
"The only point in making money is, you can tell some big shot where to go."
-- Humphrey Bogart
Most graduation speakers say this (and not enough of us heed it) ...
"Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work."
-- Jeff Foxworthy
"I've never done work for money, ever. If your choices are based on grosses and the film doesn't do well, what does that mean? It leaves you with nothing."
-- Tom Cruise (He must have done Cocktail for the brilliant writing.)
"When I decided to be a musician, I reckoned that that was going to be the way of less profit, less money. I was sort of giving up the idea of making a lot of money. It was what I loved to do. I would have done it anyway. If I'd had to work at Taco Bell I'd have still been out at night trying to play music."
-- Tom Petty
Of course, there are practical considerations, too ...
"Some people start modeling because they want to be models and they want the parties and the recognition, and then there are people like me. I come from a simple family, and for me getting into modeling was a chance to make money and create a business."
-- Gisele Bundchen
"I went into the business for the money, and the art grew out of it. If people are disillusioned by that remark, I can't help it. It's the truth."
-- Charlie Chaplin
"I like to sing ballads the way Eddie Fisher does and the way Perry Como does. But the way I'm singing now is what makes the money."
-- Elvis Presley
William Shatner as Captain Kirk (photo by NBC Television)
In case you're wondering why Captain Kirk was able to retire ...
"If saving money is wrong, I don't want to be right!"
-- William Shatner
The double-edged sword of money: it can free you or hold you hostage ...
"The two things that can hurt you are if you need money or if you need fame. Those are the things that can be your Achilles' heel. But if you don't need money and you don't need fame, then you're free."
-- Dana Carvey
"Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want to impress people they don't like."
-- Will Rogers
"I think one of the most pervasive evils in this world is greed and acquiring money for money's sake. Once you have six houses and a plane, it's just about a number. It's never been anything I understood."
-- Kevin Bacon
"Unless you're living on the street and surviving on a diet of discarded turkey drumsticks, there's no point in being gloomy. We've spent too long trying to cheer ourselves up by spending money on brightly colored things we don't really need. We've stopped using our imaginations."
-- Jarvis Cocker
Good advice from parents ...
"The best money advice ever given me was from my father. When I was a little girl, he told me, 'Don't spend anything unless you have to.'"
-- Dinah Shore
"My mom has always been my champion. She was very smart and grounded. She said, 'Save your money. Pay your taxes. Don't put everything in one basket,' but she let me explore and be creative."
-- Queen Latifah
If you have this kind of attitude ...
"I just love to shop. If I could, I would shop every single day in every single store and spend all of my money, which, you know, I do anyway."
-- Ariana Grande
"A fine timepiece is part of dressing like a gentleman. When I first made a little money, I bought my first watch, which was a Rolex Daytona. It was just one of those things that said I was successful."
-- Brian McKnight
... you're likely to end up with this kind of remorse ...
"I had more clothes than I had closets, more cars than garage space, but no money."
-- Sammy Davis Jr.
