I dream of a day when no one trades a single share of stock. I know, it would never happen, but wouldn't that be great? I mean, what on earth would the folks at CNBC talk about?

"The volume on the New York Stock Exchange today was zero. Everyone who owns stocks was plenty happy with what they hold and saw no need to buy or sell. The biggest winner today was General Electric (NYSE:GE), which rose 0%. The biggest loser was Disney (NYSE:DIS), which fell 0%. We chose those as the winners and losers because GE is the parent of this network, and Disney is the parent of another network. Whenever we can slag our competition and call 'em losers, well, we're gonna.

"Other losers are Labranche (NYSE:LAB) and Schwab (NYSE:SCH), which are dependent upon lots of stock transactions to make money. No, their stocks didn't move, since no one traded any shares. We just think that eventually, should this low level of volume continue, they're gonna.

"Please join us tonight for this special report: 'The Volume Crisis. Should investors worry about the fact that our current stock volatility is zero?'"

Yeah, it would never happen. The very event of stock volumes drying up would be enough to give the financial media something else to howl about. There is simply so much bandwidth being given over to talking about what happened today and what's going to happen tomorrow in the markets that you can't help wondering how many investors have completely lost track of what really matters in generating long-term investing success.

I'll give you a hint: It will never, ever, ever be uttered by Maria Bartiromo.

See also: "That's So Five Minutes Ago"

Bill Mann owns shares of Disney. For some sharp, out-of-the-ordinary takes written by everyday investors, come and take a 30-day trial membership in the Fool Community. Bill Mann has gotten some of his best investment ideas from there. He has gotten some of his worst ideas from other places.