OK, so maybe this isn't the best time to launch a space-age, Jetsons-meet-the-Flintstones human transporter. The stock market crash has driven our net worth lower than a snake's belly in a wagon rut, and even Bill Gates is worried about being laid off.

Still, we like this thing. We want this thing. And now, we can buy this thing on Amazon.com! After months of reading about it and watching demonstrations on TV, we now have the privilege of shelling out $5,000 for a March delivery of the Segway Human Transporter, a glorified, two-wheeled scooter that balances itself and shuttles you from place to place... all while terrorizing pets and small children.

The Segway could make walking obsolete. Its top speed of 12.5 mph is fast enough to outrun taunting bullies, and, if you're worried about having to extract grandma from the shrubbery, you can notch it down to the "beginner" speed of 6 mph. It's a couch potato's dream: Roll off the sofa, motor to the bathroom, and then whip over to the refrigerator for another beer.

What's not to like about this device? Spend lots of money so you can exercise less, gain weight, and infuriate pedestrians -- all while sporting a look that says, "I'm a rich nerd -- mug me!" Reserve yours today!

If you're interested in the science behind the scooter, in reading a note from inventor Dean Kamen, or in placing a $495 nonrefundable deposit, visit the Segway page on Amazon.