Now that we're taking a six-month break from picking apart the market's madness, I've discovered something pretty amazing: My television set actually has more channels than CNBC and Fox Business Channel!
I didn't think it was possible. I thought this home appliance was all about inviting folks like Jim Cramer, Maria Bartiromo, and that hip-looking duo that hosts an aftermarket party in a Wall Street bar into my living room every day.
I was so wrong. ABC? Where have you been all my life? They have this show where a bunch of stranded people move about in a haze of uncertainty. They are so lost. There are evil forces at play, too. Some of the cast members even get axed off the show, so you never know what's going to happen from one week to the other. I believe it's called Dancing With the Stars.
And whoa, Nellie! -- there is actually a channel devoted entirely to food! A few days ago, I couldn't even pronounce foie gras and petit fours. I'm not saying I can pronounce them now, but at least I know what they look like.
There's even a channel devoted to covering serious nightly news. It's called Comedy Central. And it sure is a lot better than that other channel that just makes fun of the news all day -- Comedy News Network.
Who is this Larry King guy, and why is he freaking me out?
Ah, that doesn't matter. My new TV has so many channels that I can just keep going. There's even a home-improvement channel! It's a real relief to learn about flowing drains instead of about companies with draining cash flow. What's a workbench, anyway?
I went out and bought what they call a remote control to be able to change channels without having to get off my couch. I hear these remote controls have been around for a few months already. But that's OK. I can't always be an early adopter. I just didn't have a need for one when I thought there were only two channels on my set.
I do now. Did you know that they have channels that specialize in programming for men (Spike), women (Oxygen), kids (Nickelodeon), and even pets? (At least that's what I think the "P" stands for in PBS.)
So stick around. I'll be back with weekly reviews of some of my favorite television discoveries. Is that a peacock I see?
Longtime Fool contributor Rick Munarriz didn't realize there was so much out there in the televised world. He does not own shares in any of the companies in this story. He is also part of the Rule Breakers newsletter research team, seeking out tomorrow's ultimate growth stocks a day early. The Fool has a disclosure policy.