Borat provides viewers with a silly yet poignantly truthful look at some of the behavioral phenomena of American culture, and human nature in general. What follows is a Borat-inspired screenplay about the year of 2006 in capital markets. Here are some excerpts (if you don't remember the specific Borat quote I'm using, you can find it here).
Scene: Here, Borat is played by a private equity associate, whose firm just raised a $4 billion fund. If he can't find somewhere to invest the money, they'll have to return it to investors.
Borat (to target acquisition): My managing director send me to make leveraged buyout. Please, accept my bid. If is not successful, I will not receive 2 and 20% management fee or bonus!
Conclusion: The target company understands the private equity analyst's dire situation, and willingly complies. $33 and $16.7 billion dollar buyouts of HCA and Harrah's
Scene: Borat, played by former Refco executive Phillip Bennett, is working with a humor coach.
Borat: I don't owe Refco $430 million.... NOT!!
Conclusion: Bennett does owe Refco $430 million, Refco goes bankrupt, and Bennett faces fraud charges.
Scene: Borat, played by the Nasdaq
Borat: Look, there is the London Stock exchange! Can we follow her and maybe make a sexy merger with her?
London Stock Exchange: No, no, no, no, no, no!
Borat: A-why not?
London Stock Exchange: Because a firm has the right to choose who she has sexy merger with.
Borat: [stunned] WHAT?... You joke?
London Stock Exchange: It must be consensual. How 'bout that?
London Stock Exchange: That's good, huh?
Borat: Is not good for me.
Conclusion: The Nasdaq, after making a hostile bid, a tender offer, and a revised tender offer, all spurned, continues its pursuit of the London Stock Exchange into 2007. Stay tuned to see if the Nasdaq can win the LSE's heart.
Scene: Here, Borat, played by Henry Kravis (the second K in KKR), talks about competing private equity firm Apollo.
Borat: He is my neighbor, Apollo. He is pain in my [gluteus maximus]. I raise fund on NYSE exchange, he must raise his fund on Nasdaq. I list on the Euronext, he must list on the Euronext. I raise $16 billion fund, he cannot afford. Great success!
Scene: In this scene, Borat is played by Bob Iger, CEO of Disney
Borat: You are my friend?
Steve Jobs: You're a nice young man and, yes, I am your friend.
Borat: You be my subsidiary?
Steve Jobs: No, I won't be your subsidiary.
Borat: Why not?
Steve Jobs: OK, yeah, I guess I can be your subsidiary.
Conclusion: The two firms finally get together after years of disputes. The merger closes about a year after Eisner resigns from Disney.
Fool contributor Emil Lee is an analyst and a disciple of value investing. He doesn't own shares in any of the companies mentioned above. Emil appreciates comments, concerns, and complaints. The Motley Fool has a disclosure policy.