Ford (NYSE:F) and General Motors (NYSE:GM) haven't been able to move cars with steep rebates and dirt-cheap refinancing. Maybe providing a little peace of mind will do the trick.

Both of the country's leading automakers introduced new purchase incentive plans yesterday. If you buy a Ford between now and June 1 -- and lose your job through no fault of your own -- the carmaker will cover your monthly payment (up to $700) for as long as a year. GM's plan is capped at nine months and $500 a month.

The news follows similar programs offered by rival auto manufacturers and even dealerships like AutoNation (NYSE:AN) in recent weeks. This won't make getting laid off any more enjoyable, but it should give potential car buyers a little breathing room in making big-ticket purchases that have been hard to justify in this crummy economy.

In the spirit of the otherwise jovial mood today, here are the top 10 incentives that the marketing masterminds in Detroit may -- or may not -- have passed on.

10. Spray-paint "GM Rules" on a Mustang and get a $500 rebate at any GM dealership.

9. Not to be outdone, spray-paint "Ford Rules" on a Buick and get a $700 rebate at any Ford dealership.

8. Buy a Saturn, get a Hummer for free at GM.

7. If you get de-friended by 10 or more of your Facebook buddies, Ford will provide free air fresheners for the life of your car. Eat your heart out, Burger King (NYSE:BKC)!

6. Ford and GM won't cover your $13-a-month Sirius XM Radio (NASDAQ:SIRI) subscription if you get laid off, but the satellite radio provider will offer up a free channel of motivational chatter via Al Franken's Stuart Smalley character.

5. Taking its partnership with Hasbro's (NYSE:HAS) Transformers franchise one step further, any GM car can be transformed into a movie ticket to catch a matinee screening of this summer's Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. (That's the real working title of the sequel. You just can't make that up.)

4. After going 0-16 last year, the Detroit Lions will allow Ford owners to drive around the field at halftime during any home game in which the Lions trail by more than a touchdown. Start your engines, Taurus owners.

3. If you hire an out-of-work GM employee who was somehow cleared to buy a new car during the unemployment-protection promotion, you will be put on the government's shortlist to be GM's next CEO.

2. Give Oprah Winfrey a million Pontiac G6 sedans to give away to her audiences.

1. Make the cars that folks want to buy at cost-effective, profitable price points that they are willing to pay.

If that last one doesn't work, there's always the "-10%-rate financing," where the automakers actually pay you.

Other test-drives for your mind:

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Longtime Fool contributor Rick Munarriz is a proud owner of a GM car. He is also part of the Rule Breakers newsletter research team, seeking out tomorrow's ultimate growth stocks a day early. He does not own shares in any of the companies in this story. The Fool has a disclosure policy.